


Live Tonight

by shalysha



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: AU, Absent John, Abusive John, Alcohol, Alcoholic John, AlwaysKeepFighting, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Castiel, Bottom Dean, Cas having a gay crisis, Closeted Castiel, Drugs, Fall Out Boy songs, Fangirl Dean, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, Heartbreak, Homophobia, Jealous Dean, M/M, Masturbation, Music AU, Musician Castiel, Nerd Dean, Secret Relationship, Singer Castiel, Smut, Top Castiel, Top Dean, Underage Drinking, band au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-30
Updated: 2015-07-24
Packaged: 2018-03-26 11:15:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 54,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3848887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shalysha/pseuds/shalysha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Dean's sixteenth birthday and Jo & Charlie take him to a night club in down town LA. Dean never dreamed that he, drunk of his ass, would stumble into Cas the lead singer of The Angels and he certainly never expected them to develop any kind of friendship. He is living every fangirls' dream, but dating a rockstar proves to be more difficult than first anticipated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Happy Birthday, Jerk!

**Author's Note:**

> My first long Destiel fic :)  
> I have a playlist with songs used in the fic here:  
> https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLvBgVto6DyJ4UbsQL3H_fZL6faasPqoIo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >>He wasn’t dreaming, for the love of freaking God, he had just tumbled out in a supposedly empty alley just to find out that his idol, his biggest crush, the man that haunted his dreams was standing right behind him laughing at his drunk ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE 8/10: So this lovely reader of mine offered to beta read this story :) She will edit it one chapter at a time and then I will make sure to update here.
> 
> Songs:  
> Just One Yesterday -Fall Out Boy  
> American Beauty/American Psycho -Fall Out Boy

 

                                      [](http://imgur.com/OwmBhfq)

 

"Happy birthday, jerk!" Sam shouted as he kicked Dean’s door open. Dean mumbled 'bitch' into the pillow and pulled his blanket over his head, trying to shut out both his annoying brother and the bright sunlight. Of course that didn't stop his giant of a little brother from throwing himself, with all his weight, right on top of Dean. The bed made some not so promising squeaky noises and Dean groaned in sync with it.

"Move the fuck away, bitch! God, I can't breathe. Not only are you as tall as a building but you're just as heavy." Dean started squirming, trying to throw Sam of the bed, but with no luck. The asshole just made himself comfortable, planting his pointy elbows right into Dean’s chest and putting his head in his hands. Dean tried with all his might to ignore him so he would go away and he could go back to sleep, but Sam could be as stubborn as a donkey when he wanted to be.

Giving up, Dean pulled the blanket down with the one hand that wasn't pinned between their bodies. Yeah…nobody wants to see that ugly face in the morning. Sam was giving his best puppy eyes, long brown hair framing his face and that sheepish grin tucking at the corner of his mouth. Dean let out a heavy sigh and pulled the blanket back up.

"Come on, sleepy head! It's your 16th birthday!" Sam tugged at the blanket, trying to pull it down again. "Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey! Like literally, I made you eggs, bacon, pancakes and black coffee, just how you like it." Going once, going twice, totally sold to the puppy and the promise of yummy breakfast.

"Okay, okay! I give up! You got me at bacon, but you really need to move your gigantic body so I can get up." One little, okay maybe not so little, push more and Sam was off the bed and out the door. Dean heard him running down the stairs and closed his door. He went to his drawer to pick out some old jeans and a shirt to wear. Dean’s walls were filled with posters of the band ‘The Angels’ and especially their lead singer Cas. Dean was proud of his collection of merchandise, but then again not so proud of being a now 16-year-old male squealing fangirl. Out of pure habit, walking around his room Dean always talked to Cas, though of course he wasn't there, but the idea of him being there was nice.

A little time later Dean found himself in the kitchen where Sam was setting the last things on the table, but seeing there were only two plates.

"Where's dad?" Sam stopped in his tracks, smile faltering and disappearing completely.

"You serious? It's my birthday and he's not even here? Where did he go?" Sam hated this as much as Dean, if not more. To him their dad had always been a complete dick, but Dean had known him the time their mom was alive and apparently he hadn't always been this way.

"He didn't come home yesterday and I bet we won't be seeing him anytime soon." Sam ducked his head. Dean was giving him that hurt look and all Sam wanted to do was hug him, but Dean didn't do touchy-feely moments or chick flick moments, as he liked to call them. So much for a happy and relaxing birthday breakfast. Sam signaled for Dean to sit down while he pulled something down from the highest place he could find in the kitchen.

"At least he left this a few days ago for me to give to you." Okay this birthday was already becoming depressing; luckily Sam turned the conversation to something else. Dean looked as Sam stretched to reach the highest cupboard and then he slid a tiny box across the table, sitting down himself and looking expectantly at him. His own dad was a no show on his birthday, but at least he left a present.

Carefully he lifted the lid. He did, in no way, expect that! He didn't even have his driver’s license yet, but there it was, lying on some curled up napkins. Dean took the keys in his hand, turning it a few times and making sure it was real.

"No freaking way! Dad gave me the Impala?!" John’s 1967 Chevy Impala was the center of some of Dean’s best memories. After their house burned down and their mother died, the Impala was all they had left and they practically lived in it until their dad rebuilt the house. Ever since Dean could remember he had helped his dad take care of her, learning everything he knows about cars. Their dad was always wrestling his own demons but when he came back around the Impala was the one thing they could connect over. Now Baby, as Dean called her, was going to be his. This was transforming from one of his worst birthdays ever to one of the best! Sure he couldn't drive her yet, but he would care for her until then.

Dean had never before eaten breakfast so fast and boy did it taste good! But Dean couldn't wait to check to see if the keys would actually work. Sam didn't mind Dean throwing all the food down in the endless pit that was his stomach; he was just as excited as Dean. They both practically ran out to the garage. Thank god for California weather not demanding you put on big coats even in January. Sure enough, the keys did actually unlock the car. Though they couldn't drive anywhere, they both got in to just 'feel' the car. Dean ran his hands over the wheel and anything else. The car was cleaned up, everything that used to fill the glove compartment and was strewn across the backseat was all cleaned up, except a white piece of paper in the window.

Sam unfolded it, reading aloud: "Happy birthday, Dean. Take care of her." Though short and to the point, it was still more than Dean had gotten in years.

"I need to see if I can get the The Angels’ albums on cassette for Baby." He patted the dashboard gently. Sam rolled his eyes as far back in his head as he could. How did he end up with the only male fangirl, always squealing ridiculously when they played a song on the radio or The Angels appeared on TV, as his big brother? Dean had come out to him a year ago, confessing his interest in boys and Sam had nothing against that. But sometimes, in fear of sounding judgmental, Dean was the essence of a stereotypical gay person.

"Are you serio-"

"Nuh uh." Dean cut him off, pointing a finger at him. "Driver picks the music, shotgun shots his cakehole." Dean’s face turned softer, turning into a small laugh. "Oh no you didn't just try to insult The Angels." He grinned, turning bitchy and snapping his fingers three times in Sam’s face. He'd seen someone do that one time on TV and at that they both burst out in bubbling laughter.

Sam went straight to the kitchen when they returned inside, insisting that he could clean up and do the dishes himself and that Dean should go relax or something. But Dean could be pretty insistent.

"It's my birthday and I decide what I want to do, so move your gigantic ass and hand me a dish towel." Dean lasted a whole two minutes, and he's damn proud of that, before he felt a certain urge to dip his fingers and flick water in Sam's face. That just resulted in Sam splashing water at Dean and from there it just devolved, the dishes being completely abandoned.

Deciding that water didn't do the trick, Dean swirled the dishtowel to a whip and he hit Sam right in the ass, making him release a girly scream. Sam's eyes stared at him in disbelief and then they turned pure evil. Before he even had the time to turn around and run, Dean was kicked to the floor with a giant yeti on top of him. His hands were pinned to the cold linoleum as Sam dipped his head and flipped his hair, giving Dean a mouth full of brown long locks. Dean should have known that Sam was going to use dirty tricks. He struggled to get rid of the heavy weight sitting on his ribcage, all while having trouble breathing with hair in his mouth and tickling his nose. Right then and there Dean decided that he needed to start working out more often. Hell, his twelve-year-old brother could hold him down, that shit is embarrassing.

Sam let him go after a minute or two. Getting up on his feet he held out a hand to Dean. Dean accepted the help, stupid move, and right when their hold on each other was firmest, Sam let go and Dean fell right back on his ass. Sam was laughing so hard that he didn't notice Dean taking the chance to kick him in the back of his knee, sending him straight to the floor too. This time they both stayed down, laughing way too much to get up. After a while they resigned to the living room, kicking each other’s butts at Mario Kart over and over again, making time fly by quickly.

It was late in the afternoon when the doorbell rang and Dean went to see who it was. Of course! Who else could it have been? Charlie and Jo pushed their way past Dean and into the hallway. Charlie, Jo, and Sam looked knowingly at each other. Okay, Dean was definitely missing something.

"Well... You ready to go?" Charlie asked. Dean just stared at them all dumbfounded, having no clue what they were talking about.

"We're gonna go celebrate your birthday silly! You're finally 16! That deserves a proper celebration." Wait what? Gonna go where? They had totally lost him. Right about then Jo joined in on trying to make him understand.

"My brother Ash is gonna drive us into the city. He knows the door man at Sweet Sixteen, you know the night club, and he's gonna get us in, skipping the line and all." Just as Dean thought his birthday couldn't be any better… Hallelujah for having the world’s greatest friends.

"Sammy are you gonna be okay if I go out?" Yeah Sam's face gave away the answer. "You already knew didn't you? You were in on it." Sam just shrugged.

"Of course, I already made other plans. Jess' mom is picking me up in an hour and I'm going to spend the whole night there." Dean could read Sam like a book most of the time and it was no secret to him that Sam was head over heels for this Jess girl and something told him that she felt the same way.

"Oh, so my own little brother is kicking me out of the house so he can go spend the night with his girlfriend." Sam always made the best bitch faces whenever Dean was teasing him.

Dean grabbed his favorite leather jacket of the rack, running after Charlie and Jo out to Ash waiting in the car. All three squeezed into the backseat together with Dean in the middle. Ash looked at them in the rearview mirror.

“There’s a spot up front too, if you don’t want to sit so tight.” All three looked at him. Ash shrugged, “Suit yourself then, more room for Ash.” Before starting the engine he bent down to retrieve something from the floor of the passenger seat.

“Seeing as I’m dropping you off at a non-alcoholic nightclub for little kids like you, I thought you could use a little something.” He smiled and wiggled his eyebrows, handing Dean a plastic bag that rattled with the telltale sound of bottles. “Happy sweet sixteen, Dean! I heard about a certain love for old whiskey you have so I threw a bottle in there along with some orange juice and vodka. We’ll be in downtown LA in about 30 minutes so knock yourself out as long as no one pukes.”

Dean opened the bag, handing the vodka and juice to Charlie and taking the whiskey for himself, Ash was right about his love for the smooth brown liquid. His dad always had a few bottles in his liquor cabinet and Dean had been sneaking a taste more than once. It was his sixteenth birthday after all and becoming a bit tipsy before the club couldn’t hurt as long as the doorman didn’t notice.

They cracked open the bottles and Ash cranked up the music. Dean tried the vodka but he primarily kept to the whiskey, loving the warmth flowing down his throat. Charlie and Jo took good care of the Vodka and orange juice bottle. They had about ten minutes left before they would arrive at the club and they were a good way through both bottles, they had probably had a bit too much already. They were all laughing and talking, well maybe more shouting than talking seeing that the music was loud, when a ‘The Angels’ song came on. They all screamed simultaneously while Ash tried his best to cover his ears.

Dean took a big swig of his whiskey bottle, as he began singing along: “I thought of angels choking on their halos!” One sip more, “…On rose water, see how dirty I can get them.” The girls joined in. “Pulling out their fragile teeth and clip their tiny wings!” Dean was smiling and laughing and basically having the time of his life and they weren’t even there yet.

Dean didn’t miss the weird look that passed between Charlie and Jo. Charlie looked at Jo with a question in her eyes and Jo gave a quick nod. Then their attention was on Dean who looked confused and excited at the same time, probably thanks to the alcohol.

“It was actually going to be a surprise for later, but when that amount of alcohol kicks in you probably won’t remember it.” Jo started and pointed at Dean’s dangerously close to empty bottle, silently thanking Ash for not buying the biggest bottle he could find. Charlie took over then, a giant smile spreading from ear to ear.

“We got three front row tickets to the The Angels’ concert here in LA in three weeks!” She shouted and Dean’s jaw dropped to the floor. Dean was stunned and so goddamn happy it left him speechless. The song kept playing in the background as Dean slowly realized that he was going to see his favorite band live.

“I’m gonna see them up close?! Oh my God I’m going to see Cas singing up close! See that smile, those eyes, that body…” Dean’s thoughts started drifting away. His dreamy thoughts of Cas were suddenly broken of by laughter from both sides.

“Dean please keep your panties on,” Charlie begged, “and if you’re not wearing any, we should definitely find you a pair before the concert, I bet Cas would be totally into that.” She winked suggestively at him.

“We’re here! Everybody abandon ship!” Ash shouted as he pulled the car up to the curb. He got out of the drivers seat and opened the door to the backseat to let them all out. Dean took a last sip of the whiskey as he followed after Charlie.

The sun had begun to set and it was a bit chilly out, but still warm for a January day in LA. As soon as Dean’s feet touched the pavement and he tried to stand up straight he felt the alcohol rush to his head. Maybe he had had a bit too much, but not so much that he couldn’t handle it. He followed after the girls and Ash, going straight to the entrance right to the front of the long line. Some of the people in the line, they had probably been standing there for a while, looked not so happy that they had jumped the queue.

Dean could see Ash talking to the doorman, but he had totally tuned them out. He was way too busy eavesdropping on a conversation between two girls somewhere in the front of the line. “I’m not kidding here, Jenna just texted me! There’s a legit rumor going around that some of the boys from The Angels are in there.” The other girl’s eyes went wide and some other people, who had obviously also been listening, began to whisper amongst one another. Twice in one evening Dean was left speechless. He tapped Jo on the shoulder and poked Charlie in the side with his elbow and both girls directed their focus to all the whispering. They looked at each other and although you couldn’t hear it, you could sense the internal squealing.

Ash nodded them over and the doorman passed them through. They waved at Ash and Dean thanked him for everything. With an enthusiastic grin he turned, hooked both girls on each arm and went inside.

Inside they were met by a crowded room. Everybody was dancing or talking and laughing as lights in every color filled the room along with a thin layer of smoke and the music was loud, the bass was evident. Dean’s eyes scanned the room for any groups of teenage girls flocked around a teenage rock star, but his eyes weren’t fully functional in the dim light and the many flickering colors didn’t make it easy to focus. He found himself getting pulled towards an empty table in the corner by Charlie and they all sat down together.

Dean could feel the alcohol kicking in for real, he could feel it warming up his blood and he could hear it pumping through his veins. His own pulse beat in time with the bass and he found himself unable to stop smiling.

They sat at the table drinking soda, talking, laughing and Dean was having a great time. They could all feel the effects of the alcohol they had had earlier and they were all giddy and shouting, singing along to the songs and falling over in fits of laughter. Charlie was in the middle of telling a funny story and Jo couldn’t stop laughing when American beauty/American psycho by The Angels came on. Dean went dead in his tracks; he stared at Jo until she also noticed and a wide grin spread over her face. With a silent understanding, they grabbed Charlie and shot out of the booth like rockets. They were on the dance floor and pushing their way through the crowd till they were standing somewhere in the middle of the dance floor and everybody was singing along.

Dean spun Jo around and Charlie was head banging with her red locks all over the place. Dean silently agreed with himself that this was the best birthday ever and in that precise moment he started to feel the more negative effects of the alcohol. He had had a lot to drink on the way there and now he started to feel dizzy. He had a hard time trying to focus and staying steady on his feet. He suddenly felt nausea hit him. Charlie steadied him with an arm around his waist to keep him up when his legs seemed to give up.

“ ‘m okay… okay... jus’ the air is real uh… gon’ go get some fresh air.” Dean said with a careful and assuring smile as he stumbled off the dance floor and made his way through the crowd. Dean had trouble finding the main entrance and the line to the bathroom was way too long for him to even bother. He followed the wall around the room looking for an alternative exit, a fire escape or something. In the darkest part of the club, he had to feel along the wall until his fingers hit a black metal doorframe. He didn’t even think twice, he grabbed the handle and pushed it open.

The fresh and slightly cold evening air hit him, but it felt good. It became easier for him to breathe, but he still felt incredibly dizzy. He bent forward, keeping himself up by his hands on his knees. He tried to steady himself and willed the world to stop spinning around before it made him throw up.

“God, you don’t look so good, buddy.” A voice came from somewhere behind him by the door. “You seem pretty drunk considered you just tumbled out of a non-alcoholic bar.” Dean didn’t miss the laugh in the voice and he suddenly felt really irritated. Dean turned around, maybe a bit too quick, to throw a snarky remark back at this asshole. He felt his head complain about the quick spin, but he ignored it trying to focus on the guy in front of him.

The only light source in the tiny alley he had walked out in, was a tiny lamp on the other side of the door; it was giving the guy under it a golden glow. The first thing he notices is black skinny jeans, one leg bent and foot planted firmly against the brick wall. The next thing he sees, as his eyes wander up his body, is a dark blue Henley fitting the guy perfectly. The guy slowly lowers a cigarette from his lips and blows out a thin stream of smoke. That’s when Dean looks at the guy’s face. Piercing blue eyes capture him with a smirk and Dean’s jaw dropped to the ground. The skinny, but slightly muscled body, the black tousled hair, the deep blue eyes and those lips.

So Dean was asleep, that’s it, he was having yet another dream about Cas. He couldn’t remember falling asleep though, was he sleeping somewhere in the club or had Charlie and Jo managed to get him home? He couldn’t remember anything and his head started to hurt.

SS-------II-------SS

Cas had been more than surprised to see the guy stumble out of the club like that, he was obviously drunk and had probably been drinking a lot earlier. Cas would be lying if he said he didn’t find the situation quite funny.

It had been Balth’s idea to go to the club that night and he had had to forcefully push Cas out the door to get him to go with him. Cas didn’t care much for public places, being famous and all meant he couldn’t be left in peace almost anywhere. Of course Balth had to go to a place filled to the brim with teenage girls. He was probably still in there somewhere with a bunch of girls drooling over his British accent. Cas had agreed to take a couple of photos with some girls, but had then excused himself and had come outside for a smoke and some peace and quiet. This is not how he had wanted to spend the evening.

He had been standing in the dark back alley under the tiny lamp for under a minute when the guy had practically fallen through the door. He couldn’t help but laugh quietly at the sight. It took the guy a few minutes to actually turn around and look at him. He looked like he was going to throw back some snarky reply, but as soon as they made eye contact the boy went totally still. He turned even paler, looking like he just saw a ghost or maybe he was going to throw up. The guy with the sandy brown hair and the old worn leather jacket blinked rapidly staring at Cas. So he probably recognized him, awesome. Though it wasn’t often that he ran into a male fan, especially not one that reacted like a total fangirl looking like he would either faint or scream in amazement any minute. Cas had no idea how to proceed, what to do, or what to say, he just waited for the guy’s reaction. All the staring gave Cas a chance to get thorough look at the guy; apart from the perfectly styled hair the guy had glowing green eyes, a starry night of freckles spattered across his nose and long black eyelashes. No offense to him, but the guy looked like a twink. That would explain it; the guy had probably just been met by his major crush. So maybe Cas felt a bit self-satisfied right now, but the guy was obviously flustered and probably thinking that he must have been hallucinating.

The guy looked down at the ground for a moment and it sounded like he was trying to control his breathing with no luck. He pinched himself and Cas heard his breath hitch and get stuck in his throat as he looked up and met his eyes again. So this guy obviously thought he was sleeping, this was getting more and more hilarious and Cas burst out in uncontrollable laughter. The boy’s face went from utterly confused to angry and then quickly jumped to scared when he started swaying on his feet. Cas didn’t miss the feeling of ‘not good’ when the guy looked worse and worse by the second.

He quickly threw his long forgotten cigarette to the ground as the boy’s legs wobbled a bit. He launched himself forward and grabbed the guy by the waist when he collapsed, heading straight towards the hard concrete. He eased the guy down slowly and put him down in a sitting against the wall while still keeping him steady with his arm, now secured over his shoulders.

SS-------II-------SS

Dean instantly felt even more dizzy and nauseous and everything bad. He wasn’t dreaming, for the love of freaking God, he had just tumbled out in a supposedly empty alley just to find out that his idol, his biggest crush, the man that haunted his dreams was standing right behind him laughing at his drunken ass. Then everything went blurry, fading into total darkness and he felt his knees give up under him. Now he would actually have to literally fall for the guy, if Dean could’ve slapped himself right now he would’ve. He didn’t get to think more about it, but he didn’t fall. The last thing he remembered before seeing black was the feel of a strong, steady arm wrapping around his waist.

Dean slowly blinked his eyes open as he felt the cold of the concrete creep through his worn jeans. He was leaned back on the wall with a warm arm slung casually across his shoulders but was strong enough to hold him upright. Everything that happened a few minutes ago came flooding back and he slowly turned his head just to be met by the cutest smile and those smiling lips were within reach. Dean controlled himself from touching or screaming or anything else embarrassing that his inner super fan wanted to do.

He tried to give a reassuring smile, but he still didn’t feel well. Charlie and Jo had no idea where he was and he had been gone now for at least ten minutes. They were probably worried and Dean was just sitting outside with Cas freaking Novak’s arm thrown loosely over his shoulders and wait… was he actually drawing small circles on his shoulder with his finger?! Dean felt tired as it was and the soothing touch didn’t really help. His whole body slumped a bit more and his shoulders hung lower. He felt groggy, hung-over, and drunk all at the same time. He wanted to thank Cas for catching him before his head could come into contact with the hard concrete, but the only sound that left him was a silent grunt. He looked Cas in the eye and the guy looked seriously worried.

“You really don’t look good at all. Do you have a phone on you so I can call the guys you came with so they can fetch you and get you home?” Dean looked confused, the only words out of Cas’ mouth that he caught were friends and phone. He tried to reach down into his pocket to fish out his phone, but his whole body didn’t want to cooperate with his brain right now. Cas took his hand and slowly moved it away so he could reach for the phone himself. All Dean could think in that moment was, ‘Cas just touched my hand!’ That was handholding for a split second! He stared dumbfounded at Cas while he tried the phone.

“God damnit! Great. Just fucking great.” Cas sounded really irritated and it made Dean even more confused. Cas gave him the phone back, placing it in his pocket just to make sure. “Your phone is dead. Are your friends still in there?” Cas was waiting patiently for an answer, but Dean’s vision blurred and he felt his eyelids get heavier. Cas tried to get him to focus, but everything sounded muffled and he just wanted to sleep.

SS-------II-------SS

Cas pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. The guy, whose name he didn’t even know, was falling asleep where he sat. Every time Cas tried to ask him something the only answer he got was a grunt or a muffled sound that sounded a lot like when a cat tries to get comfortable.

Cas started pacing the ground occasionally looking down at the sleeping lump of young boy. This was ridiculous. Cas couldn’t help but laugh at this whole situation. He couldn’t just leave the guy here alone, it was getting really cold and he was in no shape to look after himself. He could try to look for his friends inside, but he didn’t know this guys name or anything about him and if he went in there again chances were that he would be surrounded in no time. Yeah that wasn’t even an option. Cas stopped dead in his tracks when he realized. He had to take this guy with him.

“Fuck my luck,” Cas cursed under his breath. “I am never going out with Balth again!” Cas leaned down snapping his fingers in front of the guy’s face, but there was absolutely no reaction what so ever.

He secured his arm around his waist keeping a firm grip and took the boys arm over his own shoulder to help keep his weight up. The guy made a tiny whining sound, but he got the hint and started walking, leaning all his weight on Cas and trusting him to lead the way.

“Fuck! You’re heavier than I thought.” Cas thanked every god there was that he had been smart enough to park his car right around the corner in case he needed an escape.

The little street was pretty deserted and that’s why Cas chose to park his car there. Though the car stood out a bit, it wasn’t enough that the paparazzi would notice it. His baby was a midnight blue Aston Martin One-77; it was his pride and joy. It was not his only car, but it was his favorite. He reached into his pocket and clicked the unlock button on his keys. He opened the passenger door and slowly eased the boy into the car. He had some trouble getting him to sit properly in the seat, but he eventually got him seated and fastened his seatbelt. He couldn’t stop thinking that this is what it must be like to carry home a sleeping kid. He slowly and carefully closed the door and the boy instantly leaned his head against the window..

Cas climbed into the driver’s side himself. He put the key in the ignition and the classy car purred to life. Cas looked over to the boy by his side, he was already fast asleep. Cas quietly laughed to himself; “You are gonna get one hell of a surprise when you wake in the morning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter of my first long fic is done :) 
> 
> Thanks to my lovely beta sanAnhamirak for fixing my mistakes :) What can you do? I'm danish and I don't see my own mistakes, but she was so sweet to volunteer to fix them.


	2. Freckles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >>Dean’s eyes went even wider, if that was even possible. The guy was Balth the freaking drummer, Dean knew every member of The Angels and now he was faced with two of them. A silent “Oh my motherfucking God,” escaped his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been edited of my lovely and very fast beta sanAnhamirak
> 
> Songs:  
> Moonlight sonata -Beethoven  
> Immortals -Fall Out Boy  
> The Kids Aren't Alright -Fall Out Boy

[ ](http://s300.photobucket.com/user/Cecilie_Stenner_Rasmussen/media/Band%20picture_zpscgwvkr96.jpg.html)

“Thank God for a big house and a lot of empty rooms” Cas thought to himself but he was most thankful, though, that Balth wasn’t home yet. He struggled a bit with getting the guy out of the car; he seemed better though. As they went through the door and up the big flight of stairs he woke up a bit and started walking more by himself though Cas still had to lead him seeing as he had no idea where he was. Cas opened the door to the first guest room he could find.

The room was simply decorated; black wooden bed with light blue covers, it had a white fluffy rug, an old style picture of the whole band at the headboard, one wall was entirely glass, a big window with a view over the pool area, everything else in the room was almost only black and blue. Cas didn’t go into these rooms a lot. The house was big and there were three guest rooms in Cas’ wing alone and Balth had even more. The two best friends had been living together since the band got popular and they had earned enough money for it. They shared the living rooms and the kitchen downstairs, but upstairs the two flights of stairs ended out in two separate wings. Cas had his and Balth his own. Cas didn’t hang out much in Balth’s area, that place was too vulgar for him. Balth had a thing for naked women on giant posters and he never cleaned up after himself and in between the cleaning lady’s weekly visit the place was a dump.

Cas dumped the guy on the bed and started to undo his big military boots. He sat on the bed, actually holding himself up for a change, and looking down at Cas.

“You’re like really pretty.” Cas looked up in surprise that was the first full sentence he had heard from the guy. He had a deep gravelly voice and he sounded older than he looked. Cas felt his curiosity spike, this guy probably sounded real good when he sang.

“You have pretty blue eyes.” Cas huffed a tiny laugh, but when he felt two gentle fingers tracing his jaw and lifting his chin so he looked up into big grass-green eyes his breath got caught in his throat. Why did the guy look at him like that? Cas shook his head to get out of his trance. What was happening? He tried to focus on the task in front of him. He eased the guy down on the mattress and pulled the blanket up over his shoulders. The guy looked sad when Cas got ready to leave, he placed a bucket for the boy by the bed just in case and said a silent goodnight. He grabbed the door handle when the boy spoke again.

“I’m Dean, by the way. G’night.” Cas looked back over his shoulder, Dean’s eyes were already closed.

“Sleep tight Dean,” he whispered as he left the room.

Cas’ own room was just across the hall. He closed his own door behind him and leaned his back against the cold wood. He sighed and couldn’t help but think about how in freaking hell that guy was going to react in the morning. Cas glanced around his room. It was quite big and sometimes it felt so goddamn empty. His room consisted of his “office,” his bedroom and bathroom. The wall on his right consisted entirely of bookshelves stretching from floor to ceiling, he was proud of his wide collection of books both modern and antique. The wall opposite was like in the guest room with one big window except that Cas’ had a view over the garden. By the window stood his most precious possession; his big, black, sleek piano. Cas walked over and sat on the little bench. It was dark outside, but a full moon lit up his room. He lifted the lid on the piano and tapped a few keys. The random key tapping soon turned in to the moonlight sonata by Beethoven. As Cas’ fingers danced over the keys, he closed his eyes. Cas let the last tone fade out and carefully closed the lid again. Through the dark he went through his bedroom, he changed to a pair of pajama bottoms and got under his blanket. He stared out the window where he could see the outline of the old oak tree. It took way too long for him to fall asleep that night.

When Cas woke up he felt exhausted and he looked at the green numbers that read 09:42. Cas stood and grabbed a big hoodie to cover up his naked torso. He walked bare foot down the stairs and into the kitchen where Balth sat on a barstool at the counter with a coffee cup in his hands. Cas trudged over to the pot to pour himself a giant cup of joe. He could feel Balth’s eyes digging into his back the whole time and once he had a full cup he turned, leaning on the counter as he stared right back.

“Where did you go last night?” Balth asked. Cas sipped from his cup waiting for whatever Balth actually wanted to say. “You were my ride you know…” Cas nodded. “So what happened? You get laid?” Balth asked with a smirk, but Cas glared daggers at him and he took that as a big no. “I had to take a cab so you owe me some cash you know.” Balth hopped of the stool and turned to leave the kitchen, but he was shocked to see some stranger standing in the doorway rubbing his eyes.

Cas looked up from his mug to see why Balth had suddenly gone silent. The sip he had just taken went down the wrong pipe and he started coughing violently. The boy, Dean, he remembered, was standing there looking quite surprised and hung-over at the same time. His green eyes were big and staring between them both of them in confusion.

SS------II-------SS

Dean tried to turn away from the light blinding him even with his eyes closed but even with his back to the light it was way too bright. It had never been this bright in his room before, why now? His head was pounding; he grunted and cursed at himself for drinking too much last night. By some reflex he grabbed the other pillow next to him and dropped it on his head so he was enveloped in total darkness. It was then when he realized. His own bed was for one person and he only had one pillow. He stretched his arm out behind him; this was clearly a double bed. He sat up in surprise and terror. He looked around the room, it was clean, simple colors and with a freaking panorama window. So Dean was obviously not at home. He swung his feet over the side of the bed and stood up on wobbly legs, he still had his clothes on so that was a bit of a relief. He went over to the window or the wall, window wall? Whatever. He was on the second floor and from here he could see a big pool area and another wing of the building running parallel with the one he was in.

Dean ran a hand trough his hair, he tried to remember last night, but he couldn’t remember anything after the soda he had. He picked his phone from his pocket to look for any clues but the goddamn thing was dead. He turned to look at the bed he had been sleeping in; his boots had been carefully placed beside the bucket. So obviously someone had carried him home and was taking care of him. The question was who… It was obviously someone who was also a fan of The Angels if the big ass picture over the bed was anything to go by.

He used the adjoining bathroom to splash some water in his face and then combed the wet fingers through his hair to make it look some kind of decent. He grabbed the boots and laced them up and then there was nothing else to do but try to find the owner of this place.

He entered a hallway; there were two other rooms on this side of it, but only one door on the other side just across from him. He felt his curiosity pulling him towards what must be a giant ass room. Just as he turned the knob he decided otherwise, he had no right to go snooping around in other peoples’ homes. Instead he walked carefully down the stairs to his right.

Downstairs a giant entry hall met him; there was a big door and on either side two stairs snaked their way to the top, the ceiling was high and from it hung a modern kind of chandelier and directly beneath it a round table with artificial flowers in the middle was placed. The table was a mess. Dean couldn’t help himself as his fingers picked through the different items. He saw a set of drumsticks that had a pair of black wings on each and Dean noticed the resemblance to the wings from The Angels’ logo. There was a bowl filled with keys, obviously car keys and to at least five different cars. So this guy was obviously rich which means Dean must be somewhere in the nicer parts of LA. The table was filled with letters, papers, envelopes, pens, trash and other things that had been dumped there. Dean froze where he was skimming through some papers and listened carefully. Voices were coming from somewhere; he could hear two male voices speaking casually about something.

Dean followed the sound till he entered a big kitchen all grey, white and black surfaces. A guy was sitting at the breakfast bar talking with the guy standing against the counter by the sink. The guy at the sink was sipping what must have been coffee from a large mug. He had black, sleep tousled hair and… Dean’s jaw dropped when he realized and glimpses of the night before came flooding back. Cas freaking Novak, the lead singer of… oh…

The other guy hopped down from the stool turning towards Dean, but stopping dead in his tracks. Dean’s eyes went even wider, if that was even possible. The guy was Balth the freaking drummer, Dean knew every member of The Angels and now he was faced with two of them. A silent “Oh my motherfucking God,” escaped his lips.

SS------II-------SS

“Morning sunshine,” Cas said teasingly. “Did you sleep well, Freckles?” Cas tried to play it serious but the look on Dean’s face had him laughing so much his stomach started to hurt. Dean looked something close to baffled. Cas turned his back to Dean and started picking out stuff from the cupboards.

“Take a seat I won’t bite. I was going to make myself some pancakes, want any?” There was silence behind him and he turned to look at Dean who had moved a bit closer. Cas pointed at the breakfast bar where Balth had been sitting not long ago, he had quietly left the room, leaving Cas to talk with the freckled green-eyed boy. He was certainly not going to leave Cas alone before he got the story, but that could wait.

With small tentative steps Dean walked over and sat down.

“Good,” Cas approved smiling at him, “I can make it chocolate chip if you want,” Cas looked at him expectantly until he nodded. “Great. Uhm… I guess you’re probably kind of… or I mean really confused about this” he said, gesturing at their surroundings. Dean looked like a tiny frightened mouse and Cas had no ideas how to make this guy more comfortable. He guessed all he could actually do was offer the guy some explanation since he clearly couldn’t remember a thing. Cas fetched some eggs and milk and started working on the batter as he started talking.

“So, yeah, uhm… to fill in the blank spots; I was just enjoying a smoke in the back alley when you came tumbling out of the club drunk off your ass…” When Cas looked at him, Dean looked ashamed. He grabbed a pan and put some butter in to melt in it and then poured some pancake batter on the hot frying pan.

“It was pretty fun at first, but then you looked at me and… I take it you’re a fan by the way you looked at me.” Cas smirked as he flipped the first pancake. He took a quick glance at Dean who was trying to hide his face in his hands. “Then you became white as a sheet and I caught you just before you collapsed. I was going to find your friends, but as you have probably noticed your phone is dead.” Cas took a plate with the first steaming hot chocolate chip pancake and placed it in front of Dean. He grabbed a knife and fork for him and some syrup.

Dean looked like he was hung-over so Cas fetched a glass of water and two aspirins.

“Thank you.” Dean looked up at him through his lashes.

“You’re welcome, now eat.” Cas turned back to the pancakes and when he had made a stack of eight he went to sit beside Dean.

They ate in silence for a bit until Dean spoke up.

“So you brought me here? Why?” Cas looked at him. What did the guy think? That he was some famous obnoxious bastard that couldn’t be bothered by him. That he would just leave him in some dark alley in the cold all alone. Cas felt offended by that for some reason, he tried to hide it, but he was sure it was evident in his voice when he answered him.

“You thought I would just leave you there?” Yeah, even a deaf guy could hear he was offended by his tone of voice. He cut into his own pancake with some weird kind of determination and what? Anger? Dean clearly picked up on it.

“I wasn’t trying to offend you or anything, I just… I mean when I went out last night I never would have predicted this. I’m just surprised and confused I guess. So you just took me home and put me in bed? I didn’t do anything embarrassing that I would wanna know about?”  Cas could understand that.

“Yeah that’s ‘bout it. You’re heavier than you look though; getting you up the stairs was a bitch.” Cas huffed a laugh, he considered not telling Dean what he said last night, but it was way too tempting to just leave this chance of making Dean even more embarrassed.

“About embarrassing…” He started out and Dean’s eyes snapped to look him straight in the eyes with a silent ‘oh no’ on his lips.

“Don’t worry it’s not that bad. You just told me I was pretty and I can’t really argue with that.” He batted his eyelashes at Dean. “And apparently you also like the blue color of my eyes.” And that got an even better reaction out of Dean than what he had anticipated. Dean got all flustered and his cheeks turned a crimson shade of red. “Hey, don’t be embarrassed. I’m used to it; I get girls screaming at me all the time about my eyes, my body and how much they want to have my babies.” Cas says with a smirk. “I’m kinda famous you know,” He winks at Dean who seems to relax a bit.

Dean huffs a quiet laugh, “That’s kind of hard to forget.” Cas catches his eyes for a moment but Dean shies away, looking back down at his now empty plate.

“Uhm, you make great pancakes by the way, some of the best I’ve ever tasted actually.” The praise of his food makes Cas smile wide and sincerely.

“I think I’ve got to get home,” Dean said suddenly. “Not that I wouldn’t love to stay here for a bit,” he stops and Cas receives a genuine smile from Dean. “But my friends gotta be worried like hell.” He sighs and Cas follows him with his eyes as he gets up to just stand awkwardly. “

Thanks for breakfast and you know… Not leaving me to fend for my self in that alley. Is there a bus stop or something around here?” Cas gets up maybe a bit to quickly at that and stops Dean with a hand on his shoulder as he turns towards the door. Dean follows the guiding touch of the hand on his shoulder and looks at Cas again as he speaks.

“I can give you a ride if you’d like,” he scratches his neck and continues, “it wouldn’t be a bother, I promise. Plus there are probably a couple of paparazzi hiding in the bushes and you most likely don’t want to be attacked by them.”

Dean seems to be considering the offer, but Cas sounded sincere so he nods carefully. Cas signals for Dean to follow him as he walks out of the kitchen, past the round table in the hall way where he grabs a bundle of keys and then he leads them to the garage through a door under the stairs.

Dean’s amazement was not lost on Cas, the guys jaw dropped. So Cas had a car-lover on his hands, cool. Cas loved every single one of his cars; of course his midnight blue Aston Martin One-77, his silver Aston Martin Lagonda from 1984 a classic, his light green Lamborghini Huracán LP 610-4, his matte black Alfa Romeo Giulietta for more everyday use and the first car he ever owned a ’78 Lincoln Continental Mark V maybe it was not as glamorous and expensive as the others but it was the first car he had ever owned and he had bought it himself so it meant something to him. Dean walked over to the One-77 and gingerly ran the tip of his fingers over the hood.

“I drove you home in that one last night.” Cas said and Dean’s eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas eve. “I can drive you home in my Lamborghini if you’d like.”

“That would be awesome, but in my neighborhood I think it would stand out too much. If you want to avoid too much attention I would pick the pimp mobile over there.” Dean pointed to the Lincoln in the furthest corner.

“Hmm, I take it you’re not exactly from around here then,” Cas hadn’t even thought about where this guy lived. “I rarely drive that one,” he said with some nostalgia in his voice “I just can’t bear to throw her away or anything, I keep it for sentimental reasons. But we can drive the Alfa Romeo, that’s the one I use to go grocery shopping.” Cas winked at Dean and grabbed the keys from his pocket unlocking the doors with a single click. They got in, fastened their seatbelts and Cas opened the garage door with a tiny remote.

They drove slowly out of the garage and onto the street lined with palm trees. The neighborhood was of the rich type; every house was big and flawless, high hedges hiding their perfect gardens that no one had laid a finger on themselves. Dean looked out through the window then threw a questioning look in Cas’ direction.

“This looks nothing like where I live. Where are we?”

“Welcome to Hollywood Dean.” Cas answered as he drove off, following Dean’s directions.

SS------II-------SS

As soon as Dean had thanked Cas one more time and had waved goodbye Charlie and Jo came running out of his house with fear and happiness radiating off of them.

Jo was shouting at him, “Where have you been?! We were worried sick!”

Charlie on the other hand was just hugging him maybe a bit too tight. When he was released she looked up at him and shoved her elbow in his side.

“So who’s lover boy? Fancy car I must say.” She teased nodding thoughtfully. “So what now you’re too important to be bothered to call your worried friends and tell us that you were gonna get your cherry popped?” She wiggled her eyebrows and both girls started laughing.

Dean grunted and started making his way indoors, “I didn’t get my cherry popped or whatever.” There was a disappointed whine behind him and he continued to explain, “I was drunk off my ass as you may have noticed and the guy saved my head from its appointment with the concrete. My phone was dead and he couldn’t leave me there. He drove me to his house in this beautiful car, an Aston Martin, real James Bond-ish. He put me in one of his guestrooms, nothing happened I swear.”

Both girls gaped at him, but it was Charlie who broke the silence, “Okay, I’m not an expert or anything, but that car out there was a real nice car, but it was most certainly not a James Bond car.” Dean shrugged. “So your knight in shining armor has two cars, but that’s not what we wanna know. Give us some details! Who is he, this prince charming?”

“Not two cars,” Dean corrected, “Five cars and I think he owns a motorcycle but it was covered up,” he said casually enjoying the girls’ surprised expressions. He didn’t know how much he was allowed to tell about his night at Cas’, he had only said not to talk to any paparazzi and Dean had promised, but this was his two best friends and he knew for a fact that they could keep a secret.

“He lives in this big house, just him and his roommate. But they like live separately in their own wing of the house.” Dean threw himself on the couch as he kept on telling them everything about the place that he had seen, the girls were listening intently with wide eyes as he told them about the room, the staircase, the big entry hall and the fancy kitchen. He deliberately saved the best for last; he wanted to indulge in the reaction that was bound to come.

“He lives in Hollywood,” he had the girls’ undivided attention, “Probably lives next to Ellen or Adam Levine or something, but given his own profession that’s not so weird.” Oh yes, those looks were almost better than pie. “He’s a singer you know. Professionally.” He deliberately dragged it out a bit. “In a band and not some indie band with a fan base of like fifty people, but like worldwide big. I think you know him. Cas Novak, you may have seen him on television or on the posters plastered on every wall in my room. Oh, and his roommate, who I was so fortunate to meet this morning, what was his name? Something with a B.”

Jaws hitting the floor, check. Rapidly blinking in disbelief, check. Stunned, check. A self-satisfied grin spread across Dean’s face. Jo was staring at him like he had something on his face that somehow offended her.

Charlie was the one to speak up, “You’re shitting me! I don’t believe it. You’re actually sitting here and telling me that Cas motherfreaking Novak was just outside this very house I’m sitting in, that it was his car and his tuft of dark hair I just saw drive off after you spent a whole night sleeping in his house?!” Dean nodded with the biggest smile to ever be seen on the planet.

“You bitch! And you didn’t think of inviting him in or anything? Man, I’ve always wanted to see those eyes up close.” Charlie hit him on the shoulder and the girl didn’t go easy with that one. Dean wasn’t a pussy, but that freaking hurt.

Dean held up his hands in surrender, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry I didn’t think about that. The guy can’t be spotted out here; he doesn’t want the paparazzi to make up some story.” The girls seemed to relax in understanding, but Dean just couldn’t help himself could he? He directed his grin at Charlie, “It’s a shame too, his eyes are the color of the water at a Caribbean beach. I think I could drown in them.” In a matter of seconds Dean was pushed down into the cushions with two girls on top of him, every straight guys biggest wish he added mentally, but they were tickling him and no matter how much he tried to escape he couldn’t match two jealous chicks. This was how Sam found them when Jess’ mom dropped him off.

 

3 WEEKS LATER

Dean got his drivers license a week ago, so he drives them to the concert in the Impala. His dad had come home nine days after his birthday, he didn’t really say anything he just grabbed some clothes, sent Dean an apologetic look and left the way he came. It was okay or maybe not okay but Dean was used to it. He cooked food for Sam and vice versa and Dean drove Sam to school.

Every week Dean received a letter without a return address, it never said anymore than, “All bills paid, John.” Dean thanked every god in heaven that he did because there was no way for Dean to have to earn that much money and stay in school at the same time. What other money they needed Dean earned by taking shifts at the local garage after school. Bobby Singer, one of Dean’s dad’s eldest friends, owned Singer salvage yard, he had always been like an uncle to Dean. Dean already knew a lot about cars, but this man taught him everything else he needed to know to fix almost every problem a car could ever have. And thankfully no social worker had discovered the two boys living without supervision.

They arrived in good time at the Staples center so they could get a decent parking spot. They were all super hyped and excited. There were lots and lots of teenagers lining up outside waiting and pushing to get inside.

Dean had never been at the Staples center before, but he had seen it on TV. It was big, well he knew that, but standing on the floor and staring up at the seats surrounding him able to contain 20.000 screaming teenagers it suddenly felt ginormous. He spun around taking a look at the entire room and he couldn’t help but feel dizzy. How did anybody manage to stand on that stage performing in front of so many without shitting themselves? Dean was dragged along by Jo’s grip on his arm. They stopped to show tickets to a big man who stood at a fence up by the stage. Their ticket granted them access to the pit, an area surrounding the stage cut off by the fence. It was the absolute closest you could get to the stage and Dean was one of the few owners of that special ticket, he had the best friends anybody could wish for.

The whole place filled up pretty quickly, the pit too and Charlie, Jo and Dean stood right in the front not letting anybody take their spot.

A single beat of a drum sounded and the place got quiet at once. Everybody waited in anticipation. The drum sounded again, this time playing a little solo. The crowd started cheering and stomping on the floor. A bass joined in with a careful beat. The drum receded to a more simple rhythm as the bass picked up the beat. Before long a simple guitar joined in. The crowd was yelling, screaming, cheering, but then the curtain slowly lifted from the floor and rose to the ceiling to reveal Balth sitting at the drums, Gabe standing of to the side with his bass, Luke with his guitar and Mike walking casually onto the stage from the side with his guitar playing out the melody and the crowd went wild. With the four in position it went quiet, the music not the crowd. They were standing like frozen mannequins. The tension built as everybody waited. The telltale melody of the flute sounded and the drum joined in with a steady beat. Cas came running out on stage in the same moment the other three joined with the drum. He had black and red-checkered pants on and shiny black military boots. He was wearing a simple black tank top and a black leather jacket with silver rivets. His hair was styled with gel and he looked freaking hot. He grabbed the microphone and as he started singing, and his voice filled the big room, the crowd went absolutely ecstatic.

He sang, “They say we are what we are, but we don’t have to be. I’m bad behavior, but I do it in the best way. I’ll be the watcher…” “Watcher” the other guys joined in as back up. “Of the eternal flame,” Cas continued.

Dean was speechless. Three weeks ago he had met the guy, that guy up there. He had slept in his house; hell, the guy had made him chocolate chip pancakes. Charlie nudged him in the side and sent him a knowing smirk, but Dean didn’t pay attention to her and as the whole crowd including himself joined in on the chorus, “’Cause we could be immortals, immortals. Just not for long, for long. And if we meet forever now, pull the blackout curtains down. We could be immortals, immortals,” something in Dean hoped that Cas would look down and recognize him.

SS------II-------SS

Cas was sitting in the chair in front of a huge mirror as some stylist was doing his hair. He had his costume on and he was using the time to mentally prepare himself like he did every time before a gig. Unfortunately Gabe was sitting in the chair next to him. Don’t misunderstand, he loved the guy, he was one of his oldest friends like Balth, but the guy could be a great big back of dicks, Gabriel’s own phrasing. He was sucking on a cherry lollipop, making incredibly annoying sounds, and disturbing Cas’ thoughts.

“So do you think your damsel in distress is here to see her prince charming sing?” he asked and put the lolli back in his big fat mouth. Cas was glaring angrily at him; this was getting way too old. Of course Balth hadn’t kept his mouth shut. They had met the week before for practice and the first thing Balth did was tell them all about the bowlegged twink and now Cas was conscripted to hearing bad gay jokes around the clock. They all took great joy in teasing him, since Cas’ dad was some religious, controlling bastard who believed homosexuality was a sin. And you didn’t mess with Jimmy Novak, especially since he owned Heaven Records and therefore owned The Angels. Balth was so going to pay for telling everybody and let’s hope for his sake that his dad doesn’t hear anything. Cas was as straight as an arrow, had never showed any interest in any guys and he was not going to sit through a ten-hour sermon about the greatest sin just because his friends thought he was an easy and funny target.

As soon as his hair was done he practically jumped out of the chair and away from Gabe. He couldn’t get peace and quiet to get ready there and he had to warm up his voice, so he went to his private room. He did the usual exercises getting his voice warmed up and himself ready before joining the others by the stage entrance.

They had practiced this many times but Cas still got nervous the last minute before show time. Balth smacked Cas on the ass and nodded to the group, he then hopped on stage, smiling brightly as he grabbed his drumsticks and started teasing the crowd with a few single beats. Gabe threw out his lollipop in exchange for a piece of Hubba Bubba, some weird thing he had about not being able to perform without sugar rotting his teeth. He walked to his spot on the stage and joined Balth just as practiced. Luke, or Luci as they liked to call him just to mess with him, walked out too and got ready with no expression on his face.

Mike made sure the strap on his guitar was installed right and he looked over at Cas, “You ready?” He nodded. “See you out there and remember to kick ass as always.” He said as the curtain rolled up and he walked smoothly out onto the stage to the screaming crowd, joining in as planned.

Cas was always the last on stage, something about saving the best for last. He chuckled at his own thoughts, he sounded so self-centered sometimes. The music stopped abruptly, the guys standing totally still. This was Cas’ cue to get ready. He shook himself, adjusting his leather jacket and taking a deep relaxing breath. The flute played in time with his first step as he ran out on stage and grabbing the microphone like his life depended on that little thing. He started singing as he had done so many times before, but it never got any less thrilling.

They were over halfway through the show when Cas saw him, he doesn’t know how he could have missed him. The guy was standing in the very first row singing along with Cas but he hadn’t noticed him until now. He blinked, but he was right. Dean was standing there, big green eyes locked on Cas as he ran across the stage performing as he did best, freckles just barely visible when being blinded by the bright light focused on the stage and a big fat smile on his face. Cas hadn’t expected to ever see him again, but something inside him made him smile brightly at the thought of Dean being here with him.

During a costume change before the last song Cas grabbed a note and scribbled down some simple instructions. “Hey Freckles. Wanna come backstage? Just stay right where you are I will come get you. Your friends can join.” Then he folded it neatly but kept it hidden in the palm of his hand.

The entire crowd whistled the intro along with the band as the song began. Cas walked slowly out on the stage and started the slower song.

“Stuck in the jet wash. Bad trip I couldn’t get off.” He started to make his way to the edge of the stage, but not stopping. He walked slowly down the steps to the floor, a security guard by his side in a matter of seconds. He walked in front of the first row, just in reach, as he continued singing for them. He stretched his arm to high five a couple of fans to make what he was going to do look less conspicuous. When he reached Dean he took a step closer, closed his hand over his palm to pass over the note and sending him a little wink. He went back on stage to finish the song and bid everybody a goodnight and thanked everybody for being a great audience while he walked off the stage with the guys.

He waited at least ten minutes before slowly walking out on stage again, checking that everybody was on their way out. It was always so weird standing on the big empty stage with no one looking at him. Except Dean. Dean was still standing where he had been the entire concert, talking with two girls and smiling excitedly. The crowd had filed out pretty quickly, but a group of five girls caught Cas on his way down from the stage towards Dean. They screamed loudly and of course a bunch of others heard and looked for the cause and Cas was spotted. A group of people started moving, running actually, back towards stage. A line of security guards was trying to hold them back telling them the concert was over and to go home.

Cas panicked slightly, he most definitely did not want to stand there writing autographs and taking pictures for an hour. The guy was exhausted. Cas ran down the last few steps, nodded to a security guard who moved the fence out of the way making a passage for the three to go through.

“Come on this way!” He grabbed Dean by the arm and ran back on stage the way he came, “I wanna get out of here quick before the vultures get to me.”

They reached the side of the stage, out of sight, before Cas released his hold on Dean’s bicep. Cas couldn’t help but notice that that guy must work out. He let his hand fall to his side before holding it back up and offering it to the girls in a polite gesture letting them introduce themselves. He could feel their excitement in the handshake and they introduced themselves as Jo and Charlie. Cas introduced himself even though it was clearly not necessary.

He guided them backstage and held a door open for them that led into a big room. Two walls forming a corner had two couches a few comfy chairs and some beanbags to slouch in. Balth, Mike and Luke were sitting there with some of the crew and some personal friends like Mike’s sister Anna and Luke’s girlfriend Ruby, who, by the way, gave Cas the creeps. One wall to the left was lined with a buffet table, where of course Gabe had planted his ass by the big bowl of candy already with a pile of empty wrappers beside it. There were pigs in blankets, cheeseburgers, by Cas’ request, donuts, chocolate cake, a drink table, neatly cut fruit, strawberries and a chocolate fountain.

You could almost hear the sound of jaws dropping.

“Dig in and mingle with the guys. Do whatever you like, just don’t break anything.” Cas grabbed a cheeseburger and threw himself in a red beanbag. Dean followed his lead and sat down on a black one next to Cas.

Cas found it surprisingly easy to talk to Dean; he wasn’t some lunatic fan who just wanted to know everything about him. No, he was nothing like that; he was cool and down to earth. They talked about everything and nothing in particular. They shared their interest in cars and Dean talked about his Baby, a black ‘67 Chevrolet Impala, with a smile on his face and Cas felt entranced. Cas talked about his music and Dean was obviously listening with great interest. They talked about computer games, PlayStation games and movies. Dean learned that Cas had never seen the Batman trilogy and he pretended to be extremely offended. Cas told Dean that he should come over one day and they could watch them together and that Cas would provide the popcorn if Dean brought the movies.

They exchanged phone numbers and with a smile on his face he said, “You know what? I think I like you Freckles.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was the second chapter :)  
> Due to school being over in 2 weeks and my birthday coming up, next chapter will take a little longer.


	3. Totally platonic...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >>Cas did the routine again; inhaling, lips touching, Dean inhaling, but this time he stayed right in front of Dean looking at him. In a matter of seconds Cas’ lips were back on Dean’s, but with no smoke. Dean froze, Cas was kissing him, Cas was actually fucking kissing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... the texts between Cas and Dean made this chapter look way longer than it is...
> 
> I gave Cas two Aston Martins because i really love their cars, but I only now realised that their logo is a set of wings... hurray for coincidences.
> 
> Songs:  
> Hey Jude

**Cas**

_17:52_

Hey Freckles ;-) Got any plans for the weekend??

**Dean**

_17:54_

Nope, but I bet Mr. Fancy famous rock star has some

big exclusive party to attend :-P

**Cas**

_17:54_

Nah… The other guys r going 2 a party at Adam’s

house, but I would rather hang out with my

favorite groupie ;-P

**Dean**

_18:01_

Adam who?

**Dean**

_18:02_

Wait u calling me a groupie? I’m neither female nor trying

to sleep with u…

**Cas**

_18:02_

Adam Levine. He lives up the street.

**Cas**

_18:03_

Relax Freckles don’t get your panties in a bunch ;-)

Maybe not right now, but I bet you’d want to :-P

Dean couldn’t help but giggle like a little schoolgirl at Cas’ text. They had been texting more and more over the last four weeks. Dean had learned that Cas was nowhere near some stuck-up rich famous guy. Cas would text Dean when he ate a burger too good not to tell anybody and Dean would promise to make his homemade bacon-cheese burgers for him one day. Cas would send a text followed with three exclamation marks when he was on television and looked particularly hot so Dean had something to enjoy. Self-satisfied bastard… Sometimes it felt like Cas was flirting with him, but he didn’t read too much into it. Cas was a real ladies man and other than that he was just a big flirt. Dean still got that stupid smile on his face though.

“Cas again?” Sam asked, but he definitely already knew the answer because the idiot had that smirk that said he was inside Dean’s head and knew exactly what he was thinking. “He still trying to get into your pants?”

“He’s not… ugh.” Why did Sam have to know him so well? Did he have some big sign on his head that read ‘I have the biggest crush on my straight celebrity almost kind of friend’? “It’s just some friendly teasing. Cas is straight by the way so it wouldn’t even matter if… why am I talking to you about this?”

“I don’t know, but you should stop and take care of the food you’re burning.” Sam gestured to the stove. God damnit. Dean got it under control quickly, food still edible.

Dean left the dishes for Sam to take care of and went up to his room. He threw himself on the bed and took his phone out of the pocket; he had missed a few texts from Cas.

**Cas**

_18:05_

I was just thinking about taking you up on that

Batman-marathon offer :-)

**Cas**

_18:13_

I didn’t want to go to the party anyway.

You, me, Batman and a big bowl of popcorn

sounds so much better.

**Cas**

_18:14_

Balth is gonna be out too, so we have the house

to ourselves ;-)

**Cas**

_18:20_

Freckles? You’re not mad at me right?

**Cas**

_18:24_

Come on Dean it was just a bit of teasing

**Cas**

_18:29_

Freckles I miss you!! Come back to me!

**Dean**

_18:31_

God! You’re such a drama queen! Maybe YOU

should try to keep your panties out of a bunch :-P

**Cas**

_18:31_

You’re not dead! I can call off the cops then.

But what do you think? U have time to watch

some movies with your favorite rock star??

**Dean**

_18:32_

I was just fixing dinner for my brother and me, idiot.

And yeah it sounds cool. Like a sleepover or do I

have to be out of the house by ten so Balthy doesn’t

get suspicious??

**Cas**

_18:33_

So what? Now you’re a little housewife?

You can sleep over, but u gotta sleep in your own

bed ;-)

**Dean**

_18:35_

Somebody has to do it.

Sounds like a plan. I can’t promise anything…

I tend to get nightmares and then I need my big

bad superstar to hold me ;-P

**Cas**

_18:35_

Isn’t that your mom or dad’s job?

If so I guess I would have to protect my fair

lady once again ;-)

**Dean**

_18:38_

It’s complicated. I will explain one day.

You’re so stupid sometimes.

**Cas**

_18:40_

Sensitive subject… I’m gonna shut up.

Yeah, but u love me! :-P

**Cas**

_19:21_

You keep disappearing on me.

**Dean**

_19:34_

Sorry, Sammy needed help with some stuff.

**Cas**

_19:37_

I wish I had a brother like you.

**Dean**

_19:41_

Yeah, the only kid thing? At least your dad

was there.

**Cas**

_19:45_

You don’t wanna talk about your family

and I don’t want to talk about mine.

**Dean**

_19:47_

I got ya.

I’m really tired so I’m gonna go to bed.

‘Night Cas.

**Cas**

_19:48_

Nighty night Freckles. Sleep tight <3

What the hell was that supposed to mean?! Yeah, like he could fall asleep now! His totally platonic friend had just sent him a heart. Maybe it was an accident, some reflex from all the texts he sends to the girls he talks to. He tried not to read anything into it. He tried to sleep. He turned off the light and lay there staring at the ceiling in the dark. Yup, he was overanalyzing. He screamed at his head to stop thinking and just fall asleep already, but that was close to impossible.

Dean had had a crush on Cas for quite a while, but it was a celebrity crush nothing serious. Now he was getting to know Cas and he was turning out to be a great guy. Everything Dean used to love about Cas was his looks, it was superficial. He didn’t know the guy then. Now he had found that Cas had a beautiful personality as well, he was funny and sweet. Dean’s crush had just gotten bigger, but they were becoming friends and Dean didn’t want to blow that up. He was a famous rich guy and Dean was nothing like that, but still he wanted to hang out with him. That doesn’t happen often, especially not to Dean.

Cas was straight, that much he knew. He had seen him enough times on multiple red carpets with a girl on his arm and nothing on the internet even suggested him being the tiniest bit into dudes. Well, except for the fans shipping him with Balth. Dean could dream, couldn’t he? Everybody did. Everywhere there were people imagining how it would be like to date their idol. Only Dean had met his idol, he was texting his idol, they were becoming friends, at least he thought they were, but the guy wouldn’t talk to him that much if he didn’t want to be.

Dean turned his head to the side to look at the poster he had right there on the wall. It was a poster of Cas of course. He was an ‘angel’ after all and Dean liked to think that he was watching over him at night. The poster didn’t do him any favors. He was beautiful he always was but now Dean had seen him in real life and there was nothing like it. Those piercing blue eyes would light up, like the sun shining through a sapphire gemstone, when he laughed or when he talked about some of his passions. It was a beautiful sight that always left Dean breathless and dreaming of drowning himself in those glowing pools. He always had to remind himself not to stare too much because that could easily get awkward…

He had those plump lips, mouth always open the tiniest bit. Dean couldn’t help but think how it would feel to kiss them; they were probably as soft as feathers. Dean envied every girl who had tried them; all the people who had been so lucky to feel and taste those pink lips. They were pretty on posters, but in real life they could put him in a trance. He would follow every movement as Cas spoke and noticed how his tongue would dart across his lips to wet them when they got dry. He’s probably the type that would start real gentle and sweet but as soon as he knew he could take it it would get rougher, needier, harder. Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath. This is not how you should think about your friend. Still, Dean couldn’t help it. Those lips were always so pretty when they were stretched around a big toothy smile, Cas’ smile was contagious. It was downright impossible to be sad or mad or anything when that smile shone through the room. The thought of that mouth stretched around something else, certainly not a smile, entered Dean’s thoughts. His dick gave an interested twitch. This was dangerous territory. Yeah, he had masturbated to the thought of Cas plenty of times before, but this was different. He knew the guy now, they were watching a movie together this weekend and Dean was sleeping over. Still, his other, tinier, brain didn’t care at all.

Dean looked at his the poster beside the first; this one was a full body poster where the other was just a portrait of his face. Cas had no shirt on; it probably sold well to all the teenage girls. Though Cas was skinny, and not as broad shouldered as Dean, he had a nice set of abs. His torso was perfectly balanced between slim and muscled. It made him look hot in a close fitted long sleeved Henley. Cas always wore skinny jeans; Dean had never seen him without. On the poster the jeans hung low enough that the perfect V of his hips was visible. Just below that stupid piece of clothing was… Nope don’t go there! But Dean palmed himself through his pajama pants by pure reflex. His mind screamed no, but his hand moved under the elastic waistband of both pants and boxers on its own accord. Soon Dean’s mind was flooded with pictures of Cas.

He took himself in hand and gave a gentle tug. He looked at his posters and it almost felt like Cas was there with him, whispering sweet, dirty nothings in his ear. Telling him how pretty he was like that, lips slightly parted in a silent moan, breathing unstable and eyes closed in ecstasy. His own movements, up down and up again with a little flick of the wrist, became faster as the Cas in his head spurred him on. He moved his thumb over the slit, collecting a bead of precum. He glanced at his poster and he could almost feel Cas’ hot breath on his neck. He closed his eyes again as he tried to hold back a groan.

He pictured Cas looming over him, touching him all over, running his hands down his ribs, his sides, his hips, his thighs, moving to his inner thighs. He imagined him removing Dean’s hand and replacing it with is own and suddenly it didn’t feel like he was jerking himself off. It was Cas. It was Cas’ hand that furiously pumped his shaft, collecting more precum making the slide smoother. It was Cas who stuck his finger in Dean’s mouth letting him wet it with saliva before letting in wander down his crack. It wasn’t Dean’s hand anymore, it felt so real. The finger circled around his entrance experimentally before carefully and gently sliding inside. Not long after, another finger eased inside as Dean scissored himself, but in his head Cas was fingering him while jerking him off. It was all Cas. He felt consumed by his presence like never before. He fucked himself on the digits, hitting his sweet spot every single time, while thrusting faster and harder into the hand on him.

He felt himself nearing the edge, but willed himself to make it last a while longer. It wasn’t until he heard Cas’ voice inside his head telling him: “Come Dean. That’s right. Let go, come for me Freckles.” That he threw away his last hold on himself. He came, painting his own stomach in white sticky stripes and Cas’ name escaped his lips as sparks flew across his vision.

He tucked himself back in and looked at the mess he had made. Thank God for keeping Kleenex in the night stand. He wiped himself clean and fell asleep with a smile on his face.

Dean drove to Cas’ house in the impala Friday night, parking her in front of Cas’ garage in the giant driveway. He jumped out, grabbing the overnight bag he had packed; just some fresh clothes, a toothbrush and his Batman trilogy collectors edition. In Dean’s head the only real Batman was Christian Bale, that guy was hot as hell and one fantastic actor. He ran to the door and up the three steps and rang the bell waiting patiently for Cas to answer.

Dean got a shock when Cas finally opened the door. Cas always wore skinny jeans and tight fitting shirts, well except for that one morning but Dean had been too hung over and shocked to notice anything, now Cas was standing in front of him wearing sweats and a loose gray AC/DC T-shirt. It was like seeing a whole other person he looked so… so normal. How was it even possible for him to still look so good in that? His hair was perfectly rumpled to look somewhere between ‘I woke up like this’ and ‘I spent hours on this’.

“You wanna come in or do you like standing outside?” Cas asked with a raised eyebrow. Dean must have been staring. He nodded and followed Cas inside. The hall was like he remembered it, maybe a bit more mess on the table in the middle, it looked like someone had been in a rush and had needed to find something fast. Dean followed Cas into the kitchen where he put a bag of buttered popcorn in the microwave. Cas turned to lean against the counter and looked at Dean with a small smile.

“So, uh, I’ve got the DVD’s where can I set up?” Dean asked. Cas gestured for him to follow him. This was a part of the house he had never seen, well there was a lot he hadn’t seen yet, but he didn’t deem it fit to go snooping around on his own. The living room was beside the kitchen. It was not a living room like Dean’s. This wasn’t some lousy couch and a tiny TV. This was a big white couch in the shape of a horseshoe, it was filled with different fluffy blankets and multi-colored pillows. The couch was facing the biggest flat screen TV Dean had ever seen; it was like a tiny cinema and he would bet they had surround sound. Between the two was a giant coffee table made out of black marble. The other end of the living room was complete with a bar and a big stereo, making it a perfect spot for parties.

Dean grabbed his Batman trilogy box set from his bag and Cas showed him which remote to use and where to enter the disc and then went to grab the popcorn and two bottles of coke.

Cas made himself comfy in one of the corners; draping a blanket over his body and placing the bowl in his lap. Dean looked uncertainly at the couch, not knowing where to sit. Luckily, Cas made the decision for him when he patted the couch right next to himself. Dean pulled a pillow into his lap and was just about to press play, but the big windows behind him made it damn near impossible to see the screen.

“Oops, I’ve got it.” Cas said as he bent over to the table picking up a weird looking remote. He clicked a button and Dean could hear a weird sound behind him. He looked over his shoulder to see black curtains rolling down slowly completely blocking out all sunlight.

“Fancy, right?” Cas responded to Dean’s reaction. “Now can you play the movie?” Dean didn’t answer he just pressed play and the opening scene flashed across the screen. The room was totally dark except for the light flickering from the TV. Dean grabbed a handful popcorn and popped open his bottle. He was watching his favorite movies with his idol; this had to be some kind of dream.

They watched the movies in one go, only stopping for the occasional bathroom break and food run. Outside the day turned to evening. Dean had, somewhere along the movie, moved further away from Cas, now lying full length across the couch. They were halfway through the last movie when Cas broke Dean’s focus on the screen.

“You’re sitting so far away, I’m getting lonely over here.” Cas whined and made grabby hands at Dean. Dean moved closer to Cas, sitting beside him and propping his feet up on the table. Cas put a pillow in Dean’s lap just like he had had when they started and Dean didn’t think about it. That was until Cas shifted so he was lying with his head on the pillow. The pillow in Dean’s lap! What was he supposed to do in this situation? Where was he going to put his hands? Dean suddenly felt way too hot, but Cas just made himself comfortable lying in the fetal position. Dean tried to put his hands behind his head, but he soon lost all circulation in his arms. Eventually, his hand ended up on top of Cas’ knees and one in his hair and Cas didn’t seem to protest. Five minutes later he started combing his hands through Cas’ hair by reflex and he could swear he heard Cas purr like a cat at one point.

When the movie was over they both stretched their tired bodies and got up and headed into the kitchen.

“Thanks for having me over by the way.” Dean said. “I didn’t actually think I was going to see you again.”

“Are you really still believing I’m some bastard who only wants to hang out at some party with Justin Bieber? I need a break from that sometimes and this house can get kinda lonely and scary when I’m home alone. Besides, you’re fun to hang with, we share interests and you’re down to earth, believe me I need that sometimes, something to ground me. Now let’s order a pizza and take it up to my room, okay? You like pepperoni?” Dean smiled and nodded.

Twenty minutes later a really excited delivery guy, with eyes glowing in childlike wonder, delivered the pizza. Cas grabbed the pen out of the guy’s breast pocket and signed his receipt and gave it back to the guy with the cash. The guy was still standing totally still when Cas closed the door right in his face.

Cas gestured for Dean to follow him up the stairs. In the hallway Dean recognized the door to his left as the room he had slept in his first time here and he threw his bag by the door. The room Dean had almost gone into when he had woken up turned out to be Cas’ room. Cas went in and placed the pizza on his desk but Dean stood frozen in the doorway. The room was big. Library, music room, lounge area, bedroom all in one. The view from here was so different from the room he had been in; instead of the tiled pool area, this room had a view over the garden. It almost looked like a tiny forest.

Dean looked at the couch and TV placed in a corner.

“No way! You have a PlayStation4!” Cas laughed at him and went to get a piece of pizza and Dean grabbed a slice too. He admired Cas’ big collection of books finding all kinds; Vonnegut, Sherlock Holmes, the original series by sir Arthur Conan Doyle, a collection of fairytales from H.C. Andersen and The Hunger Games series.

Cas had sat down on the chaise lounge, but when Dean walked over to the black sleek piano he got up.

“I can play you a song if you’d like.”

Dean looked at Cas as he wiped his hands clean on his pants and sat down on the little bench. Dean sat on the back of the couch and waited. A few notes sounded, but no real melody took form at first. Then he started to recognize it. Cas played it beautifully and Dean was so emotionally stunned he couldn’t move at first. A single tear running down his cheek shook him out of his reverie. He went forward and grabbed Cas’ arm forcing him to stop playing. He looked at him in surprise, but when he saw the tears in Dean’s eyes it changed to worry.

“Dean, what’s wrong?” Dean wiped a tear away with the sleeve of his shirt.

“My mom used to sing that song to me when I was little.” Dean sniffed. “She died when I was four and no I don’t want to talk about it.” Cas nodded in silent agreement and didn’t push the subject any further.

They went to bed not long after. Dean dreamt of all his wonderful, though few, memories of his mother until the fire consumed his mind and woke him up sweating and scared.

**Cas**

_16:03_

Me and Balth are throwing a party this

weekend. Wanna come??

**Dean**

_16:10_

Who’s gonna be there?

**Cas**

_16:12_

Me ;-) the band, some friends…

**Dean**

_16:13_

Sounds like fun. I’m in :-)

**Cas**

_16:13_

Awesome! But I’m not gonna carry

you to bed this time ;-)

When Dean arrived at the house that night he was wearing his favorite worn-out jeans, a black T-shirt, and an unbuttoned green flannel shirt. He was just about to ring the bell when he noticed a note on the door reading: ‘Come on in. Make yourself at home.’ So Dean did. He didn’t go directly into the living room; he decided he would go upstairs and throw his bag into the room he was starting to think of as his.

He took a quick look at himself in the mirror, checking his hair was still spiking up a bit. Just as he went out into the hallway again to go join the people downstairs, he bumped into Cas coming out of his own room. He was wearing his iconic skinny jeans and Dean couldn’t help but notice how they made his ass look great as he backed out of his room. He was wearing a loose black tank top with a silver silhouette of Freddie Mercury on it, Dean could recognize the pose. His hair looked, again, like someone had just spent an hour tugging on it. He greeted Dean with a wide smile as he noticed him standing there.

“I can see you’ve already made yourself at home as told.” Dean nodded and smiled back. “Come on let’s get you introduced. And wasn’t there something about you loving a good glass of whiskey on the rocks?” Cas took Dean’s hand and led them down the stairs and into the living room. Dean felt something tickling in his stomach at the touch. Cas gestured around the room.

“These you know,” he said as he pointed at the band mates and Anna and Ruby. “That is Crowley, be careful with him he can get you anything you want but it certainly comes with a price. That’s Alfie, he’s like my little bro just look at his cute little face.” Alfie flipped Cas the bird, clearly hearing what Cas had said. “That’s Raphael and Zach, I don’t really like those dudes, but they’re sons of one of my dad’s partners at the record company so I have to play nice.” Cas whispered in Dean’s ear, making sure he couldn’t be heard from the other side of the room. “This is Tessa I think you two will get along.” He said giving her a sideways one-armed hug as she walked past. “The redhead is Abby, be careful of her temper and then there’s Bart and Uriel.” Dean took note of everything, trying to memorize everybody’s names.

At that moment Gabe came up to them from behind, slung an arm over Dean’s shoulders, and dragged him along with him to the couch.

“You’re way to sober for my liking.” He said and poured him a glass of some cherry red concoction that tasted like pure sugar. Cas was his savior yet again, switching the drink with a glass of maple-brown whiskey. Gabe made a disgusted face at Dean as he took a big sip, letting the fluid warm him up from the inside out.

Dean was on his fourth glass when he heard cheering around him and he looked up as Cas reentered the room with a tray full of shot glasses, lemon slices, salt and a big bottle of tequila. Dean had never tried tequila before and Cas seemed to sense his inexperience. He sat down beside Dean and poured them both a shot. He made sure Dean followed his every move as he licked the back of his hand and strew some salt on it. He licked the salt off, took the shot and put a lemon slice in his mouth, sucking the juice out of it. He waited for Dean to do the same and Dean did. It wasn’t a really pleasant taste, though, it kind of tasted like the inside of an old refrigerator and his eyes watered a bit. Cas laughed at him and poured him another shot.

“You get used to it,” he smiled. This time they did it together. It still burned down his throat, but the taste was less yucky. Lucifer was sitting next to them, licking the salt off Ruby’s throat and taking a lemon slice from her lips. Those two were all over each other, looking like they could devour the other. Gabe was not touching the tequila, he was swirling a lollipop around in a glass of champagne, coloring it in a raspberry-red color. Someone turned the music up; some were singing along with it and dancing around. It was fun. Seeing people enjoying themselves, talking with Cas and occasionally Balth. Dean was having a good time. He was drinking and he became more and more drunk by the hour.

Dean had been drinking and laughing so much he was in desperate need of a bathroom break, so he excused himself and left Cas looking all pouty on the couch.

He stood in the doorway, observing when he came back from the bathroom. Dean should have foreseen this; it was, after all, a party with famous rich people. He slapped himself mentally for being so judgmental and stereotypical. Dean didn’t know exactly how long he had been gone but when he came back almost everybody was sitting on the couch or on the floor around it and passing joints between each other. Dean was considering going in there but there was a big possibility that he would be offered and he didn’t want to say no when everybody was doing it. This wasn’t a decision he found himself capable of making. He felt the air getting thick around him so he sneaked into the kitchen and slipped out of the door, finding himself in the garden that could be seen from Cas’ room. He went and leaned his back against the big old tree and took deep breaths, calming himself and regaining the ability to breathe regularly.

Dean hadn’t been standing there with his eyes closed for long before he heard footsteps in the grass. He slowly opened his eyes to see Cas approaching him. He leaned against the tree beside Dean and took a pull off his joint.

“You seem to have a habit of going outside alone when you’re drunk,” he said on an exhale. “Something wrong?” Cas asked looking up at his own room.

Dean didn’t like to sound like a prude or a sissy or anything. “I just… Uhm I needed a breather.” He said uncertainly.

“Let me guess… You came back to find everybody smoking pot. You haven’t tried it before and you didn’t want to feel pressured. Am I right?” Cas raised an eyebrow. How could he know him so damn well?

“I’ve never smoked anything before. I don’t even think I would know how to do it…” Dean thumped his head against the trunk, looking at the moon through the branches. Cas was quiet for a while, clearly thinking something over in his head.

“What if I showed you? There’s even a way to do it where you don’t even have to touch the joint. Do you trust me?”

Dean looked at Cas then, the guy looked shy. Dean considered him for a while before he nodded, uncertain of what was to come. Cas led the joint to his lips and inhaled, but he didn’t exhale. He turned to Dean and let him have a last moment to say no. Then Cas’ mouth was covering Dean’s blowing out smoke and forcing Dean to inhale. Dean coughed as he exhaled, but he wasn’t very aware of it, his mind was flooded with ‘Cas’ mouth was just on mine’.

“Can we try that again?” he asked tentatively. Cas obliged with another pull of the joint and another touch of lips against lips. Dean probably enjoyed the contact more than he should, seeing that they were totally platonic friends. Dean felt the effect, a feeling of being light as a feather and then dying in a fit of laughter. Cas was laughing too and the sound was like music. Cas did the routine again; inhaling, lips touching, Dean inhaling, but this time he stayed right in front of Dean looking at him. In a matter of seconds Cas’ lips were back on Dean’s, but with no smoke. Dean froze, Cas was kissing him, Cas was actually fucking kissing him. It took Dean a second to process, but then he just went with it. Cas placed his hand on the trunk just by Dean’s head as he deepened the kiss. Dean felt engulfed in the feeling of Cas, Cas, Cas. When Cas’ tongue ran experimentally over Dean’s bottom lip, he didn’t think twice before granting Cas the access he was asking for. It was delicious, gentle, rough and just right. The taste of Cas was hypnotizing. Unfortunately Dean was pulled out of his trance way too soon by the loss of contact. Cas was looking at Dean with something similar to fright flicking across his eyes.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to… I’m so sorry.” He chanted as he walked back to the house.

S-------II-------S

Cas was lying on his bed, over the covers and still fully clothed. He was staring at the ceiling; his mind and thoughts were a mess. He had kissed Dean. ‘What the fuck?!’ he screamed at himself. He wasn’t gay, but he had enjoyed it, hadn’t he. It was good, it was hot, but he wasn’t gay. ‘I’m not some fucking fag!’

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was written a lot quicker than I thought... Let's just say what the teacher doesn't know can't hurt them and at least it just looks like I'm taking notes...
> 
> And tomorrow's my birthday so now I can just relax.
> 
> Thanks to my beta sanAnhamirak, she already edited 3 chapters in 2 days ^_^


	4. I can't!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >>“Dean are you okay?” Cas asked with concern in his voice. Dean tried to brush him off and headed for the door wanting to just return to the table and get this night over with so he could go home and sleep it off. Unfortunately Cas didn’t seem to agree with this plan...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fourth chapter is finally here! :)  
> And it has now been edited by my beta sanAnhamirak  
> Song:  
> What a catch, Donnie -Fall Out Boy

It had been a week, a whole fucking week, and Cas couldn’t get it out of his head. He found himself standing at the window several times, like right now. He would look down at the tree and remember that night, exactly seven days ago today. He had been drunk and high but he had stopped blaming it on that. He could remember every second of that night and he had perfect control over his body, at least until it started acting on its own accord. Dean and he had become friends and Cas really enjoyed his company. If he thought about it he had maybe acted a bit more than just ‘friendly’ when they had watched Batman but he had never meant for anything to happen. Cas just felt really safe and relaxed around Dean. Yeah, Dean had a crush on him and it probably didn’t help him that Cas was teasing him all the time and that kiss certainly didn’t help anything. Cas had kissed Dean and truth be told he had liked it. It had been sweet and soft, but at the same time it had felt rough and needy and Cas had been hungry for it, like his whole life had depended on it. Something in his head screamed for Dean, for more. Cas shook his head and pulled himself away from the window.

 

He stood in front of the mirror. There was only one reason he had an actual ironed plain white dress shirt on, dinner with big daddy Novak. Not a thing he was looking forward to. His blue tie was hanging loose around his neck, yet to be tied with a traditional oxford knot. Cas had been taught how to tie a tie before he could walk; he was even wearing black slacks. He looked like some schoolboy going away to boarding school again or something but around Jimmy Novak you had to look and act like a true gentleman. He slid his suit jacket over his shoulders and made sure it sat just right. He grabbed his trench coat that was lying on the bed and put it on. He looked himself over one last time, his hair slicked to the side, black shiny shoes, slacks held up with a black leather belt, shirt buttoned all the way up and a tie strangling him even further and two jackets making him sweat like a pig. He looked like his fathers son, almost an exact copy, which he normally tried with all his might to avoid. He liked being his own person with his own style and attitude but he could certainly put that away for the day.

Cas felt some strange need to show Dean this strange version of himself; it would probably make him laugh. So he grabbed his phone from the top of his dresser and snapped a quick photo in the mirror and sent it.

**Cas**

_16:34_

Photo attached

I’m thinking of changing my style, u like it?

Cas drove his One-77 to the restaurant in town. His dad always had to get a table at the newest and finest place in town, places that served fancy food in tiny portions. Cas would much rather like a cheeseburger and some chili fries but Cas had tried to take his dad somewhere that he had wanted to go once and that hadn’t been a success. So he sucked it up and always had to order some fancy fish babies or rotten eggs.

He was the first one there since his dad had a habit of always being fashionably late. He threw his keys to the valet, with a threat of cutting into him for every scratch on his car, and by the valet’s frantic nods he considered the message received. A waiter showed him to the table that was clearly picked by his father. It was just by the window, so the paparazzi could get a few good photos picturing the perfect father-son relationship, but in a corner with enough distance to other tables that they would be left alone.

The waiter took his coat after pulling out the chair for him to sit down. Cas took out his phone from the inside pocket of his suit jacket to see a text from Dean.

**Dean**

**_16:44_ **

Fancy ;-)

I bet your ass looks great in those…

What are you doing? Wedding??

Cas let out a tiny laugh.

“What’s so funny? Got a new little fling?” his dad asked as he reached the table. Cas stood up quickly knowing to show respect to his father. His dad gave him a hug, making sure Cas’ head was the most visible from the windows since he was the most famous, and holding him for a couple minutes longer than necessary.

They both sat down at the table and the waiter placed menus in front of them. Cas looked down at his lap, writing a text, as he spoke.

“Nah it’s just Dean.”

**Cas**

**_16:51_ **

You look at my butt? You naughty boy ;-)

Nah, just lunch with my dad…

Cas looked back up at his dad, who was clearly trying to read his mind with that intense glare. Cas quickly picked up his menu, needing something to distract him while the inevitable questioning began.

“What is he? Some new pothead hanging around that crack dump of yours?” God! How Cas hated his dad sometimes, scratch that, most of the time.  Cas looked at him keeping his gaze neutral but hard.

“He’s a friend of mine. He’s a fan, we started hanging out and he’s real nice. No, he is not one of the drug addicts I keep as friends…” he snapped, but quickly getting his voice back to normal instead of snarling, knowing it would piss off his dad. He continued, “We just share some interests and like to hang around each other,” he shrugged. For some reason that answer did not satisfy his dad, or maybe he had said something wrong, but he knew exactly how his dad was going to sound when he spoke next.

It was that judgmental voice, stern and partly angry, but quiet enough for no one to pay any special attention.

“You’re hanging around some fan? You ever think that maybe he’s just money hungry and selling stories to the papers?” When Cas tried to speak up to defend Dean his dad clearly noticed and spoke before he could, the conversation taking a turn Cas wasn’t really excited about. “Don’t tell me he is one of those fans… The little twinks drooling over my son, you know how I feel, Castiel! I don’t want my son hanging around some faggot! He’s going to mess with your head boy, turn you into a sinner. No son of mine is going to be gay.” Cas was not going to listen to that religious bullshit; he pushed the chair back and got up. “Castiel! You will excuse yourself to the bathroom and take a breather and then your ass will be back in this seat in no more than ten minutes and there will be a smile on that face.” He pointed a finger at Cas and he could do nothing but nod and carefully walk away from the table.

Cas slammed the door to the bathroom with a loud bang. It scared a guy washing his hands and he scurried out in haste. Cas looked at himself in the mirror, trying the best he could to calm down. His dad really got on his nerves with his prejudices and his nonexistent ability to listen to what Cas had to say. Ever since Cas had been little this was the routine. Cas would do something that made his dad angry or disappointed in one way or the other and whenever Cas tried to speak up for himself he was sent to another room to compose himself, then he could come back when he had put a big, fat, fake smile on his face.

Cas turned on the faucet and splashed some water on his face. A little red leather couch was placed in a corner and Cas dumped himself on it, head in hands and elbows on knees. Cas felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

**Dean**

**_16:58_ **

How can I not look at your butt when

you wear those PERFECT skinny jeans

all the time… ;-)

A bit fancy for lunch with daddy…

**Cas**

**_16:58_ **

For my dad it’s almost not fancy enough…

Cas huffed a tiny laugh when he read Dean’s text, but after sending a reply the only sound from him was a deep sigh. Cas’ dad was wrong, Dean was not some gold digger or anything. Dean was the most real person he had ever met. Dean was down to earth and he didn’t have a need to prove himself to others, he was just himself. Cas stood up again, walking back to the mirror and his own reflection. He leaned on the sink. Dean was Cas’ friend and his dad could not change that.

**Dean**

**_17:00_ **

No offense but your dad sounds like

a rich prick :-)

Yeah, that was actually a pretty accurate description, Cas thought as he read. He didn’t answer Dean, he had to get back to the table again or his dad would flip shit. So he took every feeling and put it far, far back in his mind and walked back out.

SS-------II-------SS

Dean had never been this confused in his life! The kiss had been good. Cas had seemed into it until he clearly wasn’t and why did he apologize? Dean certainly had nothing against it. Cas hadn’t mentioned it after and Dean didn’t push the subject, afraid of crossing some line of Cas’. They had been texting a bit, but Cas seemed distant. Now, he had totally flipped around again and everything seemed back to normal. Cas was either flirting or he was just teasing Dean like he used to before. God! Dean had no clue what to do or think. He smashed his head against the refrigerator. He felt like screaming and shouting in frustration, but maybe he just had to talk to Cas. Maybe he should just ask him about the kiss and they could talk it out like adults. For now, though, Cas had dinner with his dad, so he was probably occupied for a while and Dean was making dinner for him and Sam.

Dean opened the oven to check on the lasagna he had made, it was almost done. He went out in the hallway and shouted up the stairs.

“Dinner’s almost ready! If you want some salad you should come down and make your rabbit food yourself.” He went back in the kitchen and set up the table and Sam came stomping down the stairs a little while later. He picked out some vegetables and threw together a quick salad, only making enough for himself since Dean didn’t eat plants.

“You know, you look like a moose when you’re munching on that grass stuff,” Dean teased as he took the lasagna out and placed it in the middle of the table. They ate together in comfortable silence.

After dinner Charlie came over. Dean hadn’t told her about the kiss yet, he had wanted to figure out what it meant first, but since he couldn’t figure it out he needed some assistance from his best friend. He let Charlie take off her jacket and then went into the living room and threw himself on the couch.

“I sense something wrong here…” she said looking at Dean. “So… How’s lover boy? Trouble in paradise?” she smirked.

Oh my God, was he really that obvious?! He sat up and his voice took a serious tone as he spoke.

“Cas kissed me.” He didn’t see any other option than just throwing it out there. Charlie’s mouth hung open in amazement and disbelief.

“Wait, what? When? How? He kissed you! Not the other way around? Is he gay? Oh my God, you kissed Cas! Was it good? I bet his lips are as soft as feathers… Again, how? Why haven’t you told me sooner? I can’t breathe. First, I get real jealous ‘cause you met him in person and then I got even more jealous when you guys started hanging out, but now… I mean, I know I’m gay, but I would certainly go straight for Cas. You lucky son of a bitch! When did this happen? Dean I’m in need of more details!” She was almost out of breath when she finished talking. She whined in exaggeration and gave him her best pouty face.

Dean put his hands up in surrender and leaned back against the cushion.

“Charlie, cool down, take it easy, breathe for God’s sake. It was at the party at his house last weekend and yes, he was the one that kissed me. It was good, like really good. That guy knows what he’s doing. We were in the back yard, we were drunk and high and he just went for it but after he apologized and ran back inside. I need your help, Charlie! I don’t know what’s going on. Should I read anything into this? I have never been this confused.” Dean was also almost out of breath himself, his head beginning to hurt.

“Wait… You were high? When the fuck did you start to do drugs? This is stuff you tell your friends. I think they’re two ways to see this. The first, would be to brush it of as just a drunk mistake, which most people would do. But you know what I always say, you always hear the truth from children and drunk people. I believe that when people drink they loose all their inhibitions and without those boundaries holding them back they tend to act on their deepest desires. It’s no secret that you got it bad. You’re all heart eyes when someone talks about him. Maybe he has feelings too but he’s scared. You know everything about the guy, kinda creepy by the way, but all signs point to him being straight. Maybe he’s not as straight as he thought but those feelings gotta scare the shit out of him. You see what I mean?” Dean nodded, thinking everything over one more time. It made sense to him, it actually made a lot of sense. His phone chimed signaling a new text.

**Cas**

_17:59_

He is… So I’m glad that’s over :-)

Hey, me and the guys are going to a

charity event next Friday, wanna join?

**Dean**

_18:00_

Yeah sure :-)

What kind of charity?

**Cas**

_18:00_

Some suicide awareness stuff…

The band is gonna play a song.

It’s black tie so I hope you own a suit :-)

Charlie jumped on Dean without warning and stole the phone out of his hand. She read the two texts quick and turned to Dean with a mischievous look. Oh, she had a plan, she certainly had a plan.

“This is exactly what we needed!” Dean looked at her, not understanding what she meant by that. “This is why having girls as friends is a good idea, we’re sneaky little creatures. Cas is afraid of his feelings but we are gonna make sure he can’t resist you. We are gonna put that hot ass of yours in a nice tux and you’re going to look smokin’.” She smiled big and wide. “Cas will be drooling over you and he is going to have a hard time trying to resist just jumping on you.”

Dean raised an eyebrow and feigned being offended, “Don’t objectify me.” He shook his head, “You have no idea if that plan would work or if he is even slightly attracted to me. And I don’t even own a tie.” Dean had no confidence in the plan. He didn’t even have a clue if Cas was into him or anything. Charlie seemed way more confident; it was her plan after all.

“Leave it to me. I’ll get you a tux and I will make sure you look irresistible.” That seemed to be the end of the discussion. They called for Sam to come down and then they sat the rest of the evening eating popcorn, slouching on the couch, Sam’s gigantic body curled up in the armchair, and catching up on Games of Thrones.

**SS-------II-------SS**

Cas straightened his bowtie and took a last look in the mirror. He had no energy for tonight but he kept reminding himself that it would be for a good cause so it would be worth it. The band had been at the location of the charity dinner the day before to practice and set up their stuff. It had been a long and hard day, especially since Luke had decided to throw one of his temper tantrums. He had been yelling on and off about how he wanted Mike’s solo and how Balth hadn’t kept the right rhythm on the drums. He had even had the audacity to tell Cas that he sang off key and had tried to show him exactly how it was done. Cas had wanted nothing more than to just hit him in the head with a drumstick and tell him to fuck off. Unfortunately, he had to play nice, daddy’s orders. When they had gone home that night, he and Balth had been tired both physically and mentally. They agreed that if Luke pulled a number like this again that they would take a serious band talk and get him the hell out of the group. Luke was ruining their dynamic and he wasn’t the most important part of the band. Mike could easily play for the both of them.

Cas sent off a quick message to Dean.

**Cas**

_18:34_

Hey, you’re gonna go to the dinner with

Balth okay? I gotta go pick someone else

up… I’ll see you there :-)

Cas didn’t know why he didn’t just tell Dean outright that he was going to pick up his date but something in him told him not to say anything. It would be hard to explain over text anyway. It wasn’t exactly a date, though; it was another one of his dad’s stunts for the paparazzi. It wasn’t that bad at least; he just had to take his friend Hannah to the dinner. She was an actress and Cas had known her since they were kids. All they had to do was show up together, give a little something, a kiss or hand holding, for the camera, smile and sit together the whole evening. It wasn’t the first time they had played couple. They were both pretty used to going to a romantic dinner together once in a while and going to big events together. They just had to let the paparazzi and the rest of the world think they were dating but still be vague enough for nothing to actually be confirmed. It was a publicity stunt and Cas’ dad loved those.

**SS-------II-------SS**

Dean received the text and he wondered who Cas was going to pick up but it was okay. Balth was a cool guy and they had been talking a bit too.  The guy was probably going to drive them in his Ferrari if Dean asked nicely. He sent a quick ‘Okay, cool’ to Cas as he went back to his room. He had just gotten out of the shower and he was running a bit late. He got dressed in the tuxedo Charlie had somehow managed to obtain on short notice. He had put some gel in his hair and, in his own opinion, he looked good. When he had tried on the tux yesterday after Charlie had brought it over, she had whistled, spanked his ass, and called him a home wrecker, whatever that was supposed to mean. He had to admit, though, that his ass looked great in a pair of slacks. All he needed now was that goddamn bowtie. Charlie had showed him yesterday how he was supposed to tie it but after the fifth try he simply gave up.

“Sammy! Get your butt in here and tie this piece of crap for me, will ya?”

Sam tied the bloody thing on the first try and where the hell had he learned to do that? As far as Dean knew the guy had never been near a tuxedo before. Sam looked him over.

“You look fancy as hell,” he commented. “All dressed up for your famous boyfriend’s fancy charity dinner, how cute,” Sam gave his best ‘oh my god you’re the cutest gay couple ever’ look.

“Shut up, bitch,” Dean rolled his eyes. Before Sam could come back with the inevitable ‘jerk’ reply, Dean decided he was allowed to brag a bit first. “I’m gonna meet Cas at the dinner, he has to pick someone up,” he tried to look sad and then continued, “Balth has agreed to drive me, though.” Dean pouted and made his bottom lip stick out, “I’m not gonna get to ride in Cas’ Lamborghini and I was so excited.” Sam looked at him like he was some spoiled rich child, but Dean didn’t look up at him until he said, “I’m supposed to ride there in a Ferrari! Who the hell do they think I am? Some kid who will just settle for a sunset red Ferrari when I could have had a green Lamborghini?! So frustrating.” He stomped his feet on the floor like a bratty four year old.

“You’re such a jerk!” Sam snapped and turned to walk out the door. From down the hall Dean could hear him shout, “I hope you choke on the caviar!” before his bedroom door slammed shut. Dean laughed to himself before going down stairs and grabbing his keys.

Dean had not expected this. He knew it was a fancy dinner and all but when Balth pulled up to the curb, someone actually opened the door for Dean! Dean stepped out on a freaking red carpet! Balth joined him after leaving the keys for the valet. He clearly noticed Dean’s look of shock and tried to reassure him, “Yeah, you’re not used to this. Guess I should have filled you in before we got here… uhm, so we have to walk the carpet that means smile for the cameras and answer the questions. You’ll just follow me okay? Just put on your best smile and if someone asks who you are, you’re a friend of the band which is actually the truth…” He patted Dean on the back and motioned for him to follow.

They stopped about ten times before they reached the door, posing and smiling for pictures and talking with reporters and journalists, answering questions. Dean was asked a few times what his relation was to the band and he answered as planned, except one time he didn’t answer at all. A female reporter with a microphone had asked him the question at the same moment that a guy had gently grabbed his shoulders and moved him so he could get past him and away from the paparazzi. Dean had turned around on reflex to apologize for him standing in the way and the smile that met him with an ‘It’s okay’ belonged to Sam Smith and Dean was stunned into silence. Balth poked his shoulders to get his attention back. This whole dinner thing was apparently a bigger event than Dean had anticipated. He had brushed it off as some low key small thing, the paparazzi had proved him wrong and when he took a look around a lot of celebrities were lined up down the carpet talking and posing. Dean’s inner fangirl was about to burst when he recognized Adam Levine, Adam Lambert, P!nk and Adele in the crowd.

Dean felt kind of relieved when they finally reached the door. Some other guys in tuxedos where holding the class doors open for the guests. Over the door hung a big sign that read; ‘#AlwaysKeepFighting’.

“I love the slogan and the charity this year,” Balth said. “Every year they choose a new case and invite all the people like us to this fancy dinner and show to spread awareness. We could do that without spending thousands of dollars on champagne and caviar if you ask me.” Dean nodded in silent agreement, he could follow Balth’s train of thoughts and it made sense. Balth stopped to take a selfie with the banner and Dean stepped out of the way politely but Balth pulled him in and that’s how he ended up on Balth’s instagram and twitter.

They were shown to their table where all the other Angels and Anna and Ruby were sat. Just as Dean sat down in his chair, placed between Balth’s and Cas’, Cas came through the door. Dean hadn’t even noticed him on the carpet, he had noticed, however, the girl on his arm. In a stunning, slim fitting, dark blue, glittering fishtail dress was a beautiful girl around their own age, her curly hair was chocolate brown and her eyes were almost as blue as Cas’. Dean recognized her as Hannah Caroline Johnson, the actress who played an angel on that TV show Not Natural. So that was who Cas was going to pick up. It was his date. That new information made something in Dean’s stomach do a flip. Was that jealousy? Suddenly the glass of champagne he had kindly accepted not a moment ago looked really good and he had downed the contents before Cas even made it to the table. A bypassing waiter swapped his empty glass with a new full one as Cas neared them.

He got up to say hello properly and he politely shook Hannah’s hand but a tiny voice in his head sneered, ‘Stay away from Cas! He’s mine.’ Dean put on a fake smile. Cas wasn’t his and everything that had hinted that their friendship could have evolved into something more was shot down. They hadn’t talked about the kiss but Dean considered this a loud and clear ‘I’m not gay and that kiss was a mistake’ and somehow that hurt him more than it probably should have. Yeah, he had had a major crush on Cas since forever but he knew Cas was straight and he just had to deal with that. They sat down again and as soon as Cas turned his head to say something to Hannah, the second glass joined the first and a third was being placed in front of him, those waiters were quick!

By the time the first course had been cleared off the tables and the main course was being served, Dean had had five glasses of champagne and he was taking his first sip of the sixth. “You’re drinking a lot Dean… Don’t you think you should take a break? That much champagne is gonna hit you hard all of a sudden.” Cas whispered but Dean just huffed and grunted and turned back to his conversation with Gabe.

After dessert the guys left to get ready to go on stage, Dean was left with the three girls and it was awkward to say the least. They all looked at each other but had nothing to say, thankfully, and the host of the show went on. He held a speech, thanking everybody for showing up and telling them where they could donate money if they felt like it. He then went through the night’s program before introducing The Angels.

Dean swirled around the contents of his glass, around dessert he had told a waiter to bring him a whiskey on the rocks since he had had enough of the champagne. The boys went on stage and quietly took positions to start. Cas sat at a black piano and started the song all alone, singing with a soft voice.

“I got troubled thoughts and the self-esteem to match. What a catch, what a catch.” Dean couldn’t help but think of how fitting this song was for exactly this event. Dean knew the song and, as the nerd he was, he knew this song was about the soul singer Donny Hathaway who actually did kill himself. Cas continued to sing and play as the rest of the band joined in on the first verse.

When the band went back off stage, Adam Lambert took over with Brian May and Roger Taylor playing Queen’s Don’t Try Suicide and even though Dean loved Adam Lambert the little boys’ room kept calling his name and he excused himself to the ladies before the guys came back. As soon as Dean was on his feet he could feel the alcohol in his veins and the floor started spinning a bit but he made his way to the bathroom without any major problems.

Dean was splashing some water on his face when he heard the door behind him open. He thought it was just a guest coming to use the bathroom, like him, but when he looked up at himself in the mirror he saw Cas’ reflection right behind him. Startled, he turned around to face Cas.

“Haven’t you heard about personal space?” He snickered because Cas was standing unusually close.

“Dean are you okay?” Cas asked with concern in his voice. Dean tried to brush him off and headed for the door wanting to just return to the table and get this night over with so he could go home and sleep it off. Unfortunately, Cas didn’t seem to agree with this plan and he pulled Dean back with a strong grip on his shoulder.

“Dean, you’re not going back there before you tell me what’s wrong. I’m not stupid, I can see something is bothering you. Now will you please tell me so I can do my best to help you?” Dean stared at him, trying to burn through his skull with his gaze. “Is it about the kiss? I’m really sorry Dean I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable or anything…”

Dean was way too drunk to handle this situation right now.

“I liked it,” was all he said, his head hanging low like a little shy kid. The answer seemed to surprise Cas a bit. “Are you really that blind?” Dean heard himself ask, his voice filled with anger and annoyance. “Dude, I’m gay! I thought that much was obvious.” Cas actually didn’t seemed surprised about that piece of information, he looked like he had had an idea and that hunch had just been confirmed. “I’m gay, you’re hot as hell. You see what I’m hinting at?” Dean was actually proud that he could talk without trouble. “Then you show up with that girl and I just got a tiny bit jealous.” Dean took a step closer to Cas as realization seemed to dawn on him and before Cas really had time to react he was so close he could feel Cas’ breath on his skin. Cas looked him directly in the eyes and he felt his own heart skip a beat, he had liquid courage in his system and it seemed to take over.

Dean gave Cas a quick peck on the lips, just testing the waters a bit. Cas’ eyes were so big, blue, and so confused at the same time, but Dean found it immensely adorable. Dean kissed him again, a bit longer this time and when Cas didn’t seem to object he kept going. Cas’ lips were as soft as he remembered them to be and every moment he wasn’t able to touch them would be agony. Last time they kissed it was Cas who had taken the initiative, this time it was the other way around and it was Dean who had control.

He licked along Cas’ bottom lip, silently asking for permission to take it a step further, and Cas complied. Their tongues moved together in perfect harmony, making the kiss deep and soft. Dean tried to part for air but found himself pulled back in by Cas’ firm grip on his suit jacket. This kiss was needier, hungrier, and more animalistic. Cas’ hands ended up in Dean’s hair, nails scraping over his scalp and down over the little hairs on his neck. Dean had his hands on Cas’ hips and, God, he could feel the lean muscled shape of his body through all his clothing and he felt an incredible need for more, the need to touch. He tugged Cas’ shirt out of his pants giving him access to warm, smooth skin. He splayed his hand over Cas’ back and pulled them closer together, deepening the kiss even further. Cas tugged sharply at Dean’s hair and a tingling pain ran down his spine. A moan escaped his lips and in one quick movement, with strength he had no idea where it came from, he lifted Cas up and sat him on the edge of the sink, placing himself between his legs. The sink wasn’t very high and they were pretty much crotch to crotch or maybe more like bulge to bulge since they were both getting more and more aroused by the second.

Cas threw his arms around Dean’s neck, holding on for dear life. Dean kept running his hands up Cas’ back to his shoulder blades and down again to his lumbar. Dean broke the kiss for some much needed air and when he looked at Cas the sight was breathtaking. He was panting and his eyes were dilated, the blue of his eyes slowly being consumed by black. Dean looked at him for a moment but kissing Cas was like eating pie and he needed another taste. He kissed Cas on the lips, the chin, the jaw, nibbling along his jaw line and moving down to his throat, running his teeth along the skin. He felt Cas turning into a puddle of little whines and moans. Cas stretched his neck to one side granting Dean better access and more skin to kiss and he gratefully accepted, sucking a mark just by the collar of his dress shirt.

Dean returned to Cas’ lips and tongue when Cas seemed to get impatient. He moved his hands to Cas’ chest, feeling the rapid heartbeat under his skin. His hands went downwards, pinching each nipple between his thumb and index finger as he went past, and down over his ribs. He felt the subtle shape of a six-pack and the feeling of Cas breathing, his stomach expanding on every inhale. He gently bit Cas’ bottom lip, eliciting a sweet, sweet sound. In the back of his head, his mind registered the sound of the door opening behind him, but he didn’t pay it any attention. His hands kept moving downwards till they parted ways running down Cas’ thighs and a bit up again. Dean was happy to discover that Cas seemed every bit as excited as he did, if the growing erection in his pants was anything to go by. He rubbed one hand over Cas’ erection and he leaned into his hand. Cas’ legs went around his waist and pulled him closer, their dicks just able to rub against each other through the confining fabric of their pants. They grinded together, searching for the perfect friction, both panting into the other’s mouth.

The sound of the door clicking shut again clearly reached Cas’ ears and something in him seemed to snap him back to reality because suddenly Dean was being pushed away by two hands on his chest. Cas’ lips were slightly parted and flushed pink with matching cheeks. It was a godlike sight and Dean went back in but a hard shove to his chest sent him a few steps backward. Cas looked at him and that frightened look was back. Dean tilted his head a bit to the side trying to figure out what the problem seemed to be.

Cas’ eyes began to get watery and a single tear slid down his cheek, making Dean even more confused. He wanted to comfort Cas, he wanted to dry away his tears, but he wasn’t being allowed.

“Don’t,” Cas said simply and Dean made sure he kept his distance. When Cas talked again it was with the tiniest of voices, almost like he was whispering to himself, “No, this can’t happen. For God’s sake get a grip.” He looked up at Dean and the sight broke his heart, he tried to reach out one more time, but was stopped. “Don’t! Just… Stay away from me. I’m not gay! Don’t you get that?” Dean didn’t know if he was supposed to answer that but he wasn’t given the chance. “You… I… Us, we can’t.” He gestured between them. “You can’t do this again. I can’t…” Cas stopped mid-sentence and jumped down to the floor. He adjusted his pants, put his shirt back in his pants and ran a hand through his hair. “I can’t! I can’t be gay.” He turned to look one last time at Dean before he fled from the bathroom and away from Dean. “I can’t.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took a little longer to write since it was a special week at school.  
> Now I'm done with school for the summer I only have 4 exams over the next 3 weeks, so hopefully I will have more time to write when I'm not preparing for the tests... Don't wanna fail :D


	5. Tears and Cheeseburgers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >>Dean remember thinking to himself that his life was a mess and this would have to be as bad as it could get, before sleep overcame him again. He was oh so wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been edited my beta sanAnhamirak ^_^
> 
> Songs:  
> Lullabye -Fall Out Boy

[ ](http://s300.photobucket.com/user/Cecilie_Stenner_Rasmussen/media/Mary%20amp%20Dean%20.png_zpsexfnqmk4.jpeg.html)

Dean couldn’t help but quietly laugh over the irony that it had begun to rain the exact moment he walked, scratch that, the moment he ran through the doors. It was like he was trapped in some cliché movie with the sad character walking through the downpour; all he actually needed now was some melancholic music track matching how he felt inside. One slight problem, though… He didn’t actually know how he felt. Everything was oh so good and one second and the next he had felt cold and alone, his emotions couldn’t seem to agree on just one feeling. He felt humiliated, pathetic, angry and some weird part of him felt excited, about the kiss or…? He didn’t really stop to give it a second thought, he just ran through the drizzle till his legs felt tired and he had to walk the rest of the way. He hadn’t thought this through. He had arrived with Balth, which meant his car was in Cas’ driveway and no way in hell was he going to leave her there. He turned around the corner of Cas’ street just as it started pouring down with big fat drops of water. He picked up the pace again until he reached his car. By the time he had unlocked the car and jumped inside he was already soaked to the bone. God he hoped the tuxedo wasn’t ruined somehow or Charlie would most certainly stab him with her Excalibur copy, he had been threatened with that before and it did not sound like fun at all.

He banged his head on the steering wheel and sighed deeper than ever. He looked up at the right corner of the house; just on the inside of that wall stood all Cas’ bookshelves. Cas was a complicated person, that much he knew for sure. He had kissed Cas but Cas had certainly returned the favor, no doubt about it. Dean had been thinking about kissing Cas every day since that night under that tree just around the corner from where he sat. Charlie had said Cas had to feel something towards him and Dean was certainly beginning to believe that, but the guy kept running away whenever it got good. He banged his head against the wheel one more time; Charlie had been right in everything, of course! She was always right. It was like she could hack into people’s thoughts just like she could hack into a computer. It made sense that Cas would be conflicted and he was probably fighting some demons but, still, Dean wished he would just figure it out already. Even though that was a selfish thought.

Dean stuck the keys in the ignition and started up his baby and quickly blasted the heat, he was in no way going to get pneumonia from being to cold and wet. He probably shouldn’t be driving with alcohol in his blood but he couldn’t just stay here either when Cas could be home any minute. So, when Dean felt his head was clear enough, he drove home. The first thing he did was try to escape from his wet clothes that kept sticking to his skin and then he jumped in the shower letting his whole body get warmed up again. When he had dried off he put on a pair of dark blue pajama bottoms and an old grey band tee. He snuggled up under the blankets and lay looking at the ceiling. When everything was quiet enough he could actually hear Sam snoring in his room down the hall. He snickered at that. It was always these quiet evenings that Dean’s mind couldn’t shut up. He made an internal list of everything that he liked about Cas and he put great emphasis on the way he made his stomach do flip flops whenever they locked eyes. All the nice thoughts putting butterflies in his belly was cut of by thoughts of Cas running away saying he was sorry. What was he sorry about? Dean was certainly not complaining over being kissed.

Dean couldn’t sleep, even though he felt tired enough to just go into a coma. He slid out from under his comfortable nest of blankets and snuck downstairs. He knew one thing that always made him fall asleep easier, a glass or two of his dad’s whiskey. He grabbed a glass and a couple of ice cubes from the kitchen and went to his dad’s liquor cabinet. Then he sat himself down in the armchair in the living room, looking out the window at the dark street only lit up by the yellow light from multiple streetlamps. He swirled the glass around before taking a sip. The smell of whiskey reminded him of his dad and for a moment he debated whether that was a good thing or not. Since he was a kid, and Sam was just a baby, John had never really been a good dad. The death of his wife had changed him and he was never the same again. Sam didn’t know how their dad used to be but Dean had a few good memories of both their mom and dad. He remembered being served a PB&J by his mother, crust cut of and everything, and his dad coming home and ruffling his hair before sweeping Mary off the floor in a happy and chaste kiss. Dean felt a tear run down his cheek at the memory. Sam never had a chance to experience that. Dean had had to be the father, mother, and big brother since he was four years old.

Dean emptied the glass and refilled it with the bottle he had placed on the floor beside him. Dean didn’t want to end up a drunk like his father but he found some sort of comfort in the brown liquid. He spent a lot of years taking care of Sam and he knew he would do the same in the future. In the beginning, their dad would just drink now and then, he would fall a sleep on the couch or in this chair and Dean would cover him with a blanket before tucking himself in. Every night he would look at the picture of him and his mother and talk to her, he still had that photo beneath his pillow. He still liked to look at it sometimes and picture how she would have looked now. Around Dean’s sixth birthday, John had finished rebuilding their house from the ashes but somehow the constant reminder of walking the hallways without Mary had just made it even worse. When Dean turned eight, he was used to his dad leaving for days at a time and as the years progressed days turned into weeks, Dean never knew when John would be back home and he never knew when would be the last time he saw him.

After the third glass Dean felt his eyelids getting heavy. He stumbled slightly up the stairs in the dark and plopped down on the bed, he was asleep in the matter of seconds. That night he dreamt of sweet kisses turning into rough ones, he dreamt of declarations of love, of PB&J, of whiskey, and the smell of old leather when he hugged his father but everything was, as usual, consumed by fire and the sound of his mother screaming and his father yelling at him to run with Sammy in his little arms. He was writhing, he was sweating, he was crying but for once his own screams didn’t wake him. What woke him was the feeling of his bed dipping with the weight of his little brother crawling under his blanket and holding him close. Dean remembered thinking to himself that his life was a mess and this would have to be as bad as it could get, before sleep overcame him again. He was oh so wrong.

The next morning Dean woke up to sounds coming from his dad’s room on the other side of the wall. He climbed out of his bed carefully, making sure he didn’t wake up Sam too. He had to check if their dad had come home and for how long he would be staying; there was no point in waking Sam if their dad was out the door in a matter of minutes.

He slowly closed the door behind him and tiptoed down the hall. His dad’s door was wide open and his dad was there, but what was he doing? Everything was a mess. His dad was emptying his dresser, throwing some clothes in a duffel bag and some in a big trash bag. On his bed stood a box filled with different stuff like his watch, some books, his old journal and a simple frame with a picture of Mary. Dean was frozen in his spot in the doorway, halfway into the room. This looked an awful lot like their dad was packing and cleaning up in everything he owned. Dean was watching every movement his dad made and suddenly he was met by a couple of stern eyes staring right back at him. His dad looked different, he was clean shaved and his hair looked like he had actually washed and combed it. What was going on?

His dad didn’t say anything and Dean couldn’t find the words to ask at the moment. John threw the bag over his shoulder and grabbed the box in his strong hands. When he walked past Dean and down the stairs, Dean followed right behind him.

When their dad started going through the kitchen cabinets and drawers Dean asked, “What are you doing?” It sounded angrier than it probably should have but it certainly made his dad stop for a moment and look back at him.

“What does it look like? I’m packing my stuff.” His dad answered matter-of-factly and turned back to go through some of the higher cupboards.

“You’re leaving? For good?” Dean found it hard to even think those words.

“Yeah.” It was short, it was cold, and it cut right through Dean like a sharpened knife. His dad turned to actually look at him when he spoke again.

“The universe has given me another shot at life. I’ve been given a new chance, a chance to be a better father than I was to you boys.” He sounded so sincere, so apologetic, and Dean was actually happy that John had just admitted to being a crappy father but then things started to sink in and he looked at his dad in shock. “I met a woman around five years ago. I lived with her for a while.” Dean remembered; that was the first time their dad had actually come home for a single day, just to drop Dean and Sam off at Bobby’s and then disappear for six months. It was the only time Dean had actually felt like he had been just a normal child.

His dad had met a woman and now he had been given a chance to… to be a better father. Wait what?

“You’re saying you have another family out there somewhere? Me and Sam have a half-brother?” Huh…And he thought his dad didn’t have any more surprises up his sleeve. “So you’re just leaving us? Way to confirm the bad dad thing…” His snarky comment didn’t do much good, his dad just shoved right past him and into the living room where he stopped at the armchair. He picked up the bottle Dean had been drinking from last night.

“You been drinking my liquor boy?”

Dean knew his dad didn’t actually want an answer to that but Dean felt courageous for a moment.

“Well, you weren’t here to drink it so I thought it was fair game. At least I know when to stop so I don’t turn into a drunk like you.” As soon as the words left his mouth, he knew he shouldn’t have said that.  He didn’t get to try to take it back before the back of his dad’s hand met the side of his face. The sound of the slap was loud enough to wake Sam up but apparently he was already up, watching from the stairs, but neither of them had noticed him.

Dean lifted his own hand to his cheek, it was burning hot and it stung like hell. Dean was sure that was going to bruise. Dean felt pain in his bottom lip and when he stuck his tongue out he tasted blood. His dad’s ring must have connected with his lip. Dean was in total shock. His dad had gone back to packing, but Dean couldn’t move. He lifted two fingers to his lips and caught a drop of blood; looking at the red color smeared across his fingers he felt all the anger he had buried down over the years bubble to the surface. Suddenly he was shouting.

“YOU CAN’T JUST LEAVE US JUST LIKE THAT!”

His dad didn’t turn towards him, but talked with his back towards Dean. His voice was calm, too calm.

“I’m selling the house. You boys can go live with Bobby, I’m sure he won’t mind.”

How could his dad be taking this so easy? Had he no conscience? Dean was still angry but his voice was more controlled when he spoke next. “Of course Bobby won’t mind ‘cause he actually has a heart with a place for me and Sam. To you we’re nothing. Mom would be so angry and disappointed with you.” The last words came out almost in a whisper.  His dad whipped his head around and he was snarling and gritting his teeth when he spoke, his voice hard and angry just like his eyes.

“Well your mom isn’t here right? And whose fault is that?” All Dean’s anger was replaced by confusion.

“What do you mean?” his voice was small in comparison to his dad.

“If you had just gone to bed without trouble like any other good kid nothing would have happened.” John walked straight up in his face and Dean felt him poking hard at his chest multiple times but at that moment the only pain he could feel came from the words coming from his dad’s mouth. Just like that, years worth of anger and fight was punched right out of him.

“If you hadn’t been whining for over an hour about not being able to sleep because of some imaginary monster in the closet your mom wouldn’t have, like the caring woman she was, gone downstairs to make you a cup of warm milk. If you had just shut up and gone to sleep, she wouldn’t have forgotten to turn off the burner and she would still be alive!” In this moment Dean wasn’t sure if he was alive or not. He had been holding his breath for so long it had to be some kind of record. Dean watched his dad pick up his things and head out the door without another word. Dean heard the car drive away as Sam walked up behind him.

Sam put a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “You know dad didn’t mean that, it wasn’t your…”

Dean shrugged of his hand, “Sammy don’t.”

He knew Sam was just trying to help but Dean couldn’t breathe in here. He felt like the walls were moving in on him. He had to get out of here. He grabbed his keys and Sam called out for him and he turned to look at his brother. How could Sam even look at him right now?

“Sam just… I can’t be here right now, just let me leave.” He pleaded with his eyes. “I promise I’ll come back.” Sam nodded, but before Dean could turn to leave his brother threw his arms around him and held him tight for a second. His eyes filled with tears but he willed them not to fall. He kissed Sam’s hair and then he walked out to his baby. All the good memories him and his dad had made over this car suddenly seemed tainted, bittersweet. Dean could only think of one place he actually wanted to be right now.

SS-------II-------SS

Cas had been mostly silent for the rest of the dinner, he didn’t really feel like talking. Dean had never come back to the table and when the others asked, Cas just said he didn’t feel well. After driving Hannah home, he went home himself to discover Dean had picked up his car.

Balth was already home and Cas hoped he was in one of his rooms or something because Cas really didn’t want to talk to him right now. Unfortunately, you can’t always get what you want. As soon as Cas stepped through the door from the garage, Balth was standing in the hall, apparently waiting for him, with his arms crossed and that dad-about-to-give-a-scolding-look on his stupid face.

“Balth, I’m really fucking tired and I just wanna sleep. Whatever you have to say I bet it can wait till tomorrow.” Cas hunched his back in demonstration of his exhaustion but Balth didn’t bite.

“No, Cas, it really can’t!” He stopped him on his way to the stairs. “You’re gonna listen to what I have to say. Now, we can do this out here or we can go into the kitchen and I can get you a cup of coffee.” Cas opted for coffee. If he had to sit through this talk, whatever it was, he was gonna need it. He went and sat down at the breakfast bar while Balth made and served him a steaming, hot cup of black coffee. It was silent between them for a while, the only sound being them slurping at the beverages without burning their tongues, until Balth spoke again.

“You can’t keep doing this Cas.” Well, now he felt confused… “You have to figure out what you want. This has got to be confusing as hell for both you and Dean.” Oh… “Cassie, listen, the dude’s crazy about you and you keep doing this to him, you pull him in and then you push him away. You’ve got to get your shit together and make a decision.” Cas wanted to say something like ‘it’s not that easy’ but he didn’t get to. “He might come whenever you call now but one day he won’t and you never know what you have before you loose it. Somebody just as good as you is gonna come along and swoop your Rapunzel up in his arms and they will ride towards the sunset. And before you ask how I know or anything, you are both so goddamn obvious. The looks you send each other when the other isn’t looking and the ‘platonic’ flirting,” Balth made air quotes, “He likes you and I know that somewhere under those stupid beliefs your dad planted in your head, you know you want him just as much. I’m just stating the obvious here and I’m telling you to really think about what you want, okay?” Cas gave a little nod. “Well that was certainly enough serious touchy feely talk for the next month or so. So, I’m gonna go watch some football and spit in a can. Sleep tight, Flynn Rider.” Then he left Cas alone in the kitchen, flicking the light switch on his way out, leaving him in total darkness.

So now he was left in goddamn darkness with a mind running a thousand miles per hour, thinking about everything and nothing in particular. Did he like Dean that way? Did he want him that way? Well Dean was certainly a good kisser and he could make Cas forget the time and place with that mouth of his. He had also, more than once, been falling in and out of a trance whenever Dean would look at him and he would catch a sight of those eyes that was just too green like… Like the leaves in spring, the color of grass in the summer sun, like emeralds… No, Dean’s shade of green was more like peridot, with just that tiny hint of some golden yellow mixed in with the streams of sparkling green. He had never thought this much about any of his other friends’ eyes. Maybe Balth was right…

He worried his bottom lip between his teeth and bit so hard he almost thought he tasted blood, but the only thing he could actually taste was that lingering taste of whiskey, champagne and all that was Dean. He wasn’t supposed to think this way. No, he should just go to sleep, which would be a hard enough task with the caffeine hitting his system.

Cas fumbled through the dark and up the stairs. He didn’t bother with brushing his teeth or anything; he just stripped down to his boxers and crawled under the blankets. Sometimes his big bed just seemed so empty. Maybe having someone sleeping next to him wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Someone to kiss before he went to sleep, someone warm to curl up against and to wake up with someone by his side, maybe share lazy handjobs in the morning. He shouldn’t be thinking about that, but before he could stop his train of thoughts his cock twitched with interest. This shouldn’t be happening, he was straight, but apparently parts of him didn’t care what he thought he was or not. Some part of his mind seemed to take over. He imagined hands not pretty and fragile like a woman’s no these were more calloused and not quite as gentle. A hand that knew exactly how he liked to be touched, where to twist to make it feel just right, when to pick up speed to unleash noises he would never admit to and when to stop to make it last longer, make him beg for release. He palmed his erection through his boxers. Dean had just slightly touched him there not more than three hours ago. Dean’s taste that still lingered on his tongue and he couldn’t help but imagine how other parts of him would taste, he wanted to know. He wanted to map out every part of Dean’s body and he wanted to make him squirm with pleasure. What sounds would he make?

Cas’ hand travelled below his waistband to grab around his hardened length. He could imagine doing this to Dean and Dean doing this to him, they would come all over each other and Cas wouldn’t care because he would be sated and happy. Some day he would bury himself inside Dean and make him come untouched and he would probably let Dean do the same. Cas felt nervousness, excitement, and arousal spark down his spine. He pumped his cock while picturing Dean above him, squeezing his eyes shut in ecstasy. Cas would be new in this but he certainly wanted to learn.

He caught a drop of precome from the head and it made the slide smoother, better. He moved faster, harder and within a minute he came, spurting a white sticky mess over his own hand. Thank God for keeping tissues in the nightstand. His eyes closed and all he saw was green. He fell asleep with a smile on his face and he dreamt of sweet kisses and rough hands; blue meeting green and morphing together in a delicious symphony.

The next morning Cas slept in till around eleven, then he got up and threw on some black pajamas bottoms and an old wife beater. He had only just gotten down the stairs when there was a careful knock on the door. As soon as he opened the door he had a crying Dean hanging around his neck.

He stood, frozen for a minute, but then he put his arms around Dean, running his hand up and down his back in a comforting gesture. He thought about what he should do for a moment but before he really got to act on any of it, Dean let him go and stumbled up the stairs. Cas went after him silently. Dean seemed to consider Cas’ room and his own for a minute before going right. Cas closed the door behind them slowly. When he turned to Dean again he wasn’t there. He took a step further into the room, he could see through to his bedroom part from here, and there lay Dean clutching his blanket in one hand as he sobbed silently.

Cas acted on some sort of autopilot. He went over to the bed and slowly eased down beside Dean. He leaned against the headboard, propping a pillow behind his back. He carefully lifted Dean up and towards him, making Dean follow where he guided him, to lie on his chest. Dean instantly cuddled up against Cas, grabbing his shirt as a substitute for the blanket. Dean sniffled. Cas opted for being silent, letting Dean talk if he wanted or needed to.

“My dad came back today,” Dean said, his voice sounding small and hollow. Cas was confused, had Dean’s dad been away? “He… He’s a drunk.” Dean stated before he continued, “After my mom died he was never the same. I’m used to him disappearing, I’m used to taking care of Sammy, he always shows up and then things will seem alright for a couple of days.” Cas felt his shirt getting wet as Dean’s tears kept falling. “But today he came home,” Dean’s voice cracked and he had trouble getting the words past his lip, “He uhm… he packed up all his stuff and he left. This time he left for good.” Dean’s cries were punching holes in Cas; he had never felt such pain before. “He has another family. Me and Sam are probably going to live with Bobby and he’s nice and all, I don’t have to worry so much when I’m there, but…” Dean paused and he looked up at Cas for a moment and the sight of Dean’s green eyes all wet and red rimmed from crying broke his heart into a million pieces. Cas got a good look at Dean’s face and it was then he noticed the bruised cheek and the split lip, wait a second…

“Did your dad do this to you?” he asked and he suddenly felt a violent need to punch the brains out of this guy. Dean looked back down, hiding his face in Cas’ shirt once more.

He nodded, “He was angry ‘cause I had been drinking from his stash.” That wasn’t even a good reason and that just made Cas even angrier. “It doesn’t hurt, Cas, it doesn’t hurt as much as…” he stopped midsentence.

“What did he do Dean?” Cas couldn’t help but push, he needed to know.

“He didn’t do anything, it’s what he said.” The tears started rolling again. “He said it was my fault my mom died.” He broke into loud sobbing and Cas held him tighter, draping an arm around him. “If I had just behaved and went to bed and she… The fire… It would never have happened if I just… It’s all my fault.” Cas shushed him. He grabbed his hand and squeezed it tight, by instinct he started humming. “I’m just tired Cas.”

“It’s okay Dean you can sleep, I’ll be right here when you wake up.” Cas started drawing little patterns onto the back of Dean’s hand. The humming turned into him singing just below his breath, barely a whisper. It was one of the only things he remembered about his own mom from before she left; this one little song. “Honey is for bees, silly bear. Besides, there’s jellybeans everywhere. It’s not what it seems in the land of dreams. Don’t worry your head just go to sleep.” Dean’s eyes began to droop a little as Cas kept singing, “It doesn’t matter how you feel. Life is just a Ferris wheel. It’s always up and down. Don’t make a sound. When you wake up the world will come around. When you wake up the world will come around. It’s just the sweet weather and the peacock feathers. In the morning, it will all be better.” He stopped in the middle of the second verse as he felt Dean’s breathing even out and becoming slower and deeper and Cas held him while he slept.

When Dean opened his eyes, about an hour later, Cas was still awake. He had been lying here cuddled up with Dean and he had thought it through. He knew what he wanted but first he really needed food because his stomach was growling.

“Well, someone sounds hungry,” Dean blinked up at him. It was evident on his face that he had been crying but still a little smile had snuck its way onto his lips. “I could make you lunch,” Dean suggested, “As a thanks for… you know.”

Cas nodded, “That sounds good. The fridge is stocked, even though we rarely cook…” Cas smiled down at Dean. They untangled and went down into the kitchen. Thankfully, Balth was nowhere to be seen, probably still sleeping the day away in his bed.

Dean studied the content of the fridge before turning to Cas with a grin, “I’m gonna make you those cheeseburgers I’ve been talking about.” And that sounded delicious enough to make his mouth water a bit. Dean started pulling things out of the fridge but Cas didn’t pay it much attention. He was staring down at his hands picking at his nails.

“You know yesterday…” Dean turned to him, worry filling every square of his eyes. “You remember when I said that I can’t uhm…”

Dean turned back to his work finishing what Cas was trying to say, “When you said you couldn’t be gay.” His tone was cold and hurt. Cas looked at Dean’s back as he started on shaping the meat.

“Yeah, that.” He ran a hand through his hair and scratched his neck. “My dad, you know the rich prick I briefly mentioned one time… He, uh, he’s kinda homophobic. He got angry at me just for being friends with you. He raised me believing being gay was a sin but in this business you discover that that’s a big pile of bullshit.” He huffed a tiny laugh even though it wasn’t funny, he was just nervous. “I always believed I was straight but,” this apparently caught Dean’s attention and he slowly turned to look at Cas again. “I read somewhere that I don’t have to be bisexual or gay. I can be straight but with one exception, and that’s you.” Their eyes locked and they just stared at each other, it seemed like seconds and it seemed like hours before Cas spoke again, “You’re the only guy I have ever thought about this way and it scares the shit out of me to be honest, I’ve actually never felt like this. Sometimes it hurts, like someone is grabbing my heart real hard, squeezing it, and waiting for it to explode. Other times it tickles in a good way, like butterflies in my stomach and my skin pricking when you look at me.”

Cas stood up and walked over to Dean. With a hand on each cheek he drew him closer so he could kiss him, quick and chaste. Dean looked stunned, he was quiet, his hands trying not to touch Cas and get meat juice on him.

“I…” was all Dean managed to say. “Wait a second,” he turned to the sink and washed his hand drying them on a towel before turning back to Cas. He threw his arms around him and smashed their mouths together again.

Cas was surprised but soon he leaned into it. He had his arms around Dean’s waist trailing lower, just like Dean’s had the night before, and in one smooth motion he hoisted Dean up on the kitchen counter placing himself between his legs, which instantly trapped his body. It was needy, rough, just like the previous times, but this time Cas wouldn’t run away, he wouldn’t turn around apologizing, leaving Dean alone again. He had to break away for air and in the same moment his stomach growled again.

“Why don’t you finish your famous cheeseburgers and then we can pick this up again.” Dean nodded, planted a sweet kiss on Cas’ cheek, and hopped off the counter and got back to preparing the food.

Cas watched his every movement. He looked like he belonged here in the kitchen, cooking and humming happily without a care in the world. Like for a time, maybe, Dean had forgotten about all the bad stuff. Cas was pulled out of his trance when a steaming, juicy burger was placed in front of him.

The first bite was heaven. He hummed his approval as he took another bite, almost moaning at how good it was. Dean was transfixed. Cas took a third bite, this time moaning around it for real, a drop of the grease ran down his chin and Dean’s gaze followed it. Cas caught him swallowing slowly, his Adam’s apple bobbing. He shifted in his seat and Cas smirked at him. Apparently the sounds he made as he ate had an effect on Dean, so why not exaggerate them a bit?

As soon as he had wiped his mouth, Dean was on him. They kissed furiously and Cas could already feel something poking into his thigh. He took Dean’s hand and led them upstairs again; there was something he wanted to try.

In his room he laid down on the bed, draping Dean over him. He wanted to be surrounded by Dean, his taste and his smell. Dean lay halfway on top of him, holding his weight up on his elbow. They were making out, nothing new in that department, it was familiar, good, hot. Then Dean seemed to take control of the situation.

SS-------II-------SS

He placed a knee between Cas’ legs, grinding down on his thigh, searching for any kind of friction. He had been hard since Cas had begun moaning as he ate. He was sure the bastard did it on purpose and he had eaten so agonizingly slow.

Dean let a hand slip under Cas’ shirt, meeting hot, smooth skin. He kissed Cas deep, running his tongue along his teeth, tasting the remnants of their lunch, as he ran a thumb over each nipple. Cas grinded against Dean’s leg and that was just the reaction Dean wanted.

Dean needed more skin on skin contact and apparently Cas was thinking the same, in between kisses he got out, “Need… less… clothes…” Dean moved both hands to the hem of Cas’ shirt and, with a little help, removed it and tossed it aside on the floor. Cas was beautiful, like the posters but times a hundred. Through the tight Henley’s he always wore, Dean knew he had muscles while also being on the healthy side of skinny, but with the shirt off and up close the muscles were evident. Dean ran his hands over his pecks, his ribs, his six-pack and his bellybutton. Dean was straddling Cas as he took off and threw away his own shirt. Helping out at Bobby’s garage had helped him grow some muscles, though not as impressive as Cas’, they were there. Cas was staring at him, lips parted and panting. Dean had dreamed about this but nothing beat reality and Cas was a sight for the gods. Dean stood to take off his pants. He looked at Cas, silently asking how much clothes he should drop.

“I wanna see you, all of you.” Cas said and that was all he needed to know. He sat down on the bed to unlace his shoes and threw them off along with his socks. He dropped his pants to pool around his ankles before stepping out of them entirely. Last, he took of his boxers, letting out his already leaking cock. Cas was staring and for a minute he felt self-conscious and wanted to cover himself up but then he went back on the bed. It dipped with his weight as he moved closer to Cas. He grabbed the waistband of both pants and boxers and removed both in one single movement, letting them fall to the floor. Cas was hard too and he was gorgeous like this. Dean had imagined what Cas would look like naked plenty of times, but wow… It was all he could think, just wow…

Cas spread his legs a little, making room for Dean to lie between them. As soon as Dean had positioned himself, draped over Cas once again, he felt legs wrapping around him pulling him closer, making both their erections touch and they both moaned at the sensation. Dean went back to kissing Cas as they rocked together back and fourth, creating perfect friction for both. He licked over Cas’ lips, nibbling at the bottom one before sliding his tongue over his. He swallowed one of Cas’ moans and delivered one of his own.

“Dean,” Cas panted and his voice sounded so wrecked already it made Dean even harder, if that was even possible. Big blue eyes looked up at him silently pleading for more and how could Dean possibly deny him anything?

He looked directly into Cas’ eyes. “Do you trust me?” He needed to ask, he didn’t want to take this a step further if Cas didn’t feel comfortable with it.

“I trust you, Dean, I do.” Cas was writhing beneath him, frantically slotting them together clearly wanting more. “Please…” he said and that was all the encouragement Dean needed. He grabbed them both in one hand and started slowly, experimentally, running his hand up and down their shafts. He couldn’t keep the pace slow and steady for long, soon he was moving faster, gripping harder, and tighter as they both fucked into his hand. Cas was the first to come, spurting white all the way to his belly button. Dean pumped him through his orgasm as he slowed down, his eyes closed and a sated smile starting to form. Dean let go of Cas’ cock focusing on chasing his own orgasm and it didn’t take long before he fell over that edge. His come covered Cas’ chest and he made sure he fell down beside Cas when his arm couldn’t carry his weight anymore.

“That was…” Cas tried to speak.

“Yeah.” Dean answered, knowing what Cas had probably been trying to say. Out of nowhere they both started giggling, which soon turned into full laughter, they looked at each other with a smile. Cas leaned over to grab something out of his nightstand, a tissue.

“Two fools, one thought,” Dean stated and when Cas seemed confused he explained, “I always keep tissues there too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 5 yay :D 
> 
> Remember if you want to listen to the songs I have a playlist on YouTube :)  
> https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLvBgVto6DyJ4UbsQL3H_fZL6faasPqoIo


	6. My Sins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >>“Goddamn that’s hot,” Cas said breathily.
> 
> “It’s only fair that I get to taste you too,” Dean stated with a satisfied smirk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only 4 chapters left for my wonderful beta sanAnhamirak to edit ^_^   
> Songs:  
> America's Suitehearts -Fall Out Boy

[ ](http://s300.photobucket.com/user/Cecilie_Stenner_Rasmussen/media/Motorcycle.png_zpsoujt5g7a.jpeg.html)

They lay together, both staring at the ceiling, heart rates and breathing coming back to normal. Cas pulled the blanket over both their waists, though Dean was beautiful and he could stare at him forever, he didn’t want him to be cold. He moved his hand closer to Dean under the blanket, lacing their fingers together. Dean turned his head to face him; it was like Cas saw him in a whole new way, like he saw him for the very first time. Those green of his eyes were brighter than ever, his freckles stood out against the tan of his skin and his pink, full, lips smiling made his chest tighten. He had given himself over, followed his heart and not his brain and it hurt, it hurt so bad like his heart would explode any time, but it was the best pain he had ever felt. They just stared at each other for a while, nothing weird or awkward it was just nice and peaceful.

“You’re beautiful.” The words came out on their own and Dean tried to shy away from them and turned his head towards the ceiling again. Cas turned on his side and lifted himself up on his elbow. He ran gentle fingers down Dean’s cheek to his jaw; slowly turning his head and those eyes back to him.

“I’m so sorry,” Cas felt a need to apologize to Dean, but he just seemed confused so he continued to explain. “I was a grade A dick and I’m sorry,” he smiled carefully. “It’s just scary you know? This is all so new to me and I mean, I like it… a lot. I just… I’m sorry I ran from you those times, but I’m still not sure I can give you what you want and deserve.” Cas lay back on his back. “I like you, that you will never need to doubt, but I can’t tell… I can’t.” A hand slid through his hair and lips ghosted over his cheek, he turned to look at Dean. “My father can’t know, Dean,” he was sure he looked like a scared puppy. “I think Balthazar already kinda knows  and I can’t really keep anything a secret around him, but no one else can know, not if we can’t trust them not to tell my dad or the paparazzi.” He was pleading with his eyes.

Dean’s lips were on his before he could register what was happening.

“It’s okay, Cas. If that’s what you need I’m okay with that.” Dean reassured him before kissing him again. It was needier this time around, Cas was clinging to Dean. How could he have been this lucky to find someone so understanding? He felt Dean’s mouth open slightly and he followed the movement. Every girl Cas had kissed had either used too much tongue or nothing at all, but this, with Dean, it was perfect. When Dean’s tongue licked over his lip or over his teeth, made a trail up his neck while teasingly nipping at the skin it was perfect. It was different to be running his fingers over a defined hard jaw line with just the tiniest stubble, he was used to clean soft skin, a woman’s cheeks, jaw, hair, he never knew that this was what he had needed, what he had been missing. All the stupid voices in his head, mainly his dad’s, had kept him from doing this two weeks ago.

“Dean! Dean! No… stop that. Ow. How did you…” Dean began to tickle him.

“You zoned out for a minute there and this is the only way I could think of to get your attention,” Dean laughed as he ran fingers down Cas’ side.

Cas squirmed and tried to get Dean off him without accidentally hitting him or something. Dean was strong, but maybe he was ticklish too. Cas squeezed his waist quick and Dean jumped a bit. He moved his hands to Dean’s chest and gave it one big push as he turned them around.

“You shouldn’t try messing with me ‘cause I’m always gonna win,” he smirked and now it was Dean’s turn to laugh and squirm uncontrollably. Cas was hovering over Dean on all four, holding his wrists over his head with one hand and furiously tickling him with the other. He had totally forgotten about them being naked, that was until Dean, in an attempt to get away, arched his back while Cas, in an attempt to keep him on the bed, pushed his body down and a certain area made contact. Cas couldn’t help the involuntarily ‘mmh’ he made in his throat as his eyes shut tight. Dean went totally still under him and when Cas opened his eyes again he found him staring right at him. The slightly confused look he was receiving turned into something looking like an evil smirk. Dean tugged on is hands and Cas let them go, it seemed like a mistake for a moment what if Dean was going to tickle him again? But then hands grabbed his ass and squeezed experimentally and Cas couldn’t say he didn’t like the feeling of being groped. The grip tightened as Dean pushed him down and himself up a bit.

Suddenly, they turned again. Dean was grinning down at him as he grinded down, cocks running along each other.

“So you always win, huh?” The bastard was laughing but Cas didn’t care at this moment. He was already half hard again, and since when did he get that horny and this quick? He arched his back, searching for friction, but Dean just raised himself up higher, just out of reach. Cas groaned in annoyance but the sound was swallowed by Dean’s mouth on his. Their tongues did the tango, figuratively speaking. Dean slotted their groins together, trapping both half way there erections between their bodies. Just as it was getting good Dean’s phone starting ringing somewhere on the floor. He rolled off Cas and sat on the edge of the bed just about to get up, but Cas held onto him.

“Cas, I have to take it. It’s probably Sam.” Dean found his jeans quickly and dug into his pocket.

“I don’t think little Dean wants to talk on the phone with little bro right now,” Cas said smirking, gesturing at Dean’s crotch. That just earned him a pair of pants thrown on his head.

Dean crawled back on the bed and leaned against the headboard. Sure enough the caller ID read Sam.

“Hey Sammy,” he said quietly. Cas couldn’t hear anything on the other end so he waited patiently or not really… He found himself not being able to stop touching Dean. He kissed along his neck, hearing Dean’s breath hitching just slightly when he nipped over that one spot. His mouth travelled lower and just as Dean spoke again, he sucked on his nipple, biting gently till the nub was wet and hard.

“I’m at Cas’ argh” Cas got a hit to the top of his head and Dean shoved him away lightly, but that just spurred him on. “What? Yeah Sam I’m okay. Just what was it you wanted to say?” Dean’s breathing was picking up speed; Cas could feel it as he licked a stripe down his stomach to his belly button. He positioned himself between Dean’s bowed legs, lying on his stomach feet in the air like a teenage girl. He looked at Dean as he nodded along to what Sam was saying. Cas looked at Dean’s length, he was big for a teenage boy, maybe not as long as Cas, but the girth certainly made up for that. Cas heard his own thoughts from earlier in his head. He had never before thought about being intimate with a dude but now… Now he wanted to try everything, explore every way there was to see Dean make that face when he came and to feel that intense pleasure. Without further ado or any warning he took the head of Dean’s cock into his mouth and slowly sucked the length into his mouth.

“Okay, thanks Sammy. You… Holy freaking mother of hell, Cas!” Dean moaned slash screamed at the feeling of warm wet heat surrounding him. Cas smirked at him, looking up through his dark lashes. When he heard a loud ‘eeew’ through the phone and Dean held it away from his ear as the sound was too loud, he lifted himself off Dean as he started laughing uncontrollably.

“Sorry, Sam. I know, sorry. Just go pack or something, I’ll talk to you later.” He hung up with a sigh. Cas had turned onto his back holding his stomach in pain from giggling. “You’re so stupid you know that?” Dean hit him on the head again.

He rolled back on his stomach slowly crawling up Dean’s body.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, making big exaggerated puppy eyes. He kissed him thoroughly to show how sorry he was. Not really though… That had been an opportunity too funny not to take and he was still laughing, just on the inside. “So what did baby freckles have to say?” He crossed his arms on Dean’s chest, resting his chin there.

“Uhm, you know the thing I told you about earlier…” Cas nodded in confirmation, he remembered how could he not? Dean’s dad was a bigger dick than his own. “Sam just wanted to tell me that he called Bobby and that he’s gonna come get us and our stuff on Wednesday.” Cas’ heart broke all over again, he really didn’t like that look in Dean’s eyes. He was carrying too much on his shoulders and Cas wanted to take some of all that onto his own and make all the bad disappear. Cas started his trail down Dean’s body again. “Cas what are you… You really don’t have to do that.” It almost sounded like Dean thought that Cas didn’t want to do this, which was not true.

“I can’t punch your dad for being an alcoholic, absent, bastard, but I can make you feel better, just for a little while.” With those words he took Dean in his mouth again, slowly taking in inch by inch. He had never done this before, but he had received enough blowjobs from willing girls to know how it worked. He hollowed out his cheeks to take Dean further, he wanted to try deep throating, but he guessed he needed more practice before he could do that. He worked his mouth up and down Dean’s shaft, his head bobbing. What his mouth couldn’t take he covered with a hand.

He knew a few tricks that certainly always worked on him, but this was the first time he was the one doing the deed. He ran his tongue along the vein on the underside of the penis and with a moan Dean’s hips bucked up making him gag.

“Oh God! I’m so sorry Cas.” Dean said sounding almost panicked. Cas lifted of with an obscene popping sound. He smiled reassuringly at Dean. He placed his free hand firmly on Dean’s hip pushing him into the mattress, making sure he didn’t buck up again. He went back to the task at hand. Dean’s hands grabbed at the sheet, bundling it up in his fist as he clearly tried to restrain himself. He was breathing hard, little moans and whines escaping here and there. As Cas started humming, sending vibrations down his cock, he suddenly felt a hand on his head gripping his hair hard, nails scraping his scalp. It should have been painful, but instead it sent little sparks down Cas’ spine to his own neglected erection making it leak a bead of precome. Cas took himself in his hand, trusting Dean to keep his hips on the bed. He slowly jerked himself off to the same rhythm he was sucking off Dean. The hand in his hair tightened and he moaned around Dean.

“Cas I… ugh” Dean moaned loud and Cas was loving the sounds he could pull out of him. “Gonna come,” Dean tugged at his hair trying to move him away but that wasn’t exactly Cas’ intention.  Cas gripped him hard at the base, holding back his orgasm.

“It’s okay Dean,” he reassured and confused lust dilated eyes stared down at him. He smirked, “I wanna taste all of you.” Then he went back on Dean. Dean threw his head back and closed his eyes in ecstasy. He started chanting Cas’ name like a prayer as his body tensed before he spilled into Cas mouth.

Cas helped Dean through his orgasm, milking out every last drop, swallowing it all. The taste was salty and the consistency was thick but not as unpleasant as many made it sound. He lifted off with another pop. He went up to kiss Dean, making sure he got a taste of himself. He continued the slide up and down, his own erection nearing its own impending orgasm. His movements became quicker and he came over his own hand and Dean’s chest with a moan that Dean swallowed. Before he could collapse completely, he reached over to the nightstand after a tissue. The sight that met him when he turned back to Dean had him gulp slowly. Dean looked at him, all post orgasm smile, and he looked so fucked, so sated, that Cas almost became hard again. Dean held his stare as he ran a finger through the come on his chest and Cas followed the movement out of the corner of his eye. He led the finger to his lips, making Cas’ eyes widen with surprise as he sucked the white liquid off his finger with a quiet hum.

“Goddamn, that’s hot,” Cas said breathily.

“It’s only fair that I get to taste you too,” Dean stated with a satisfied smirk. “Sure you haven’t tried this before?” All Cas could do was nod, his ability to speak any further lost. Dean reached out for the tissue to clean himself up, seeing that Cas had also gone into some sort of coma for a while. “Hmm, you certainly got talent.”

Cas hadn’t really thought about it, he had just done it. He had dreamed of tasting Dean, about learning his body and all the sounds he could make, but Cas hadn’t thought he would have the courage to do such a thing and then his brain had shut off and some sort of instinct had kicked in. He had never tried anything like it. Just one day ago he had never even considered himself giving head to another boy, but here he was and he didn’t really mind. In a tenth of a second he was sucking the breath out of Dean’s lungs with a passionate kiss. He broke away, but kept his forehead leaned against Dean’s staring into endless green.

“I wanna take you out… On a real date.” He was smiling stupidly as he said it.

“That is the most romantic way anybody has ever asked me on a date,” Dean commented sarcastically, “but I would very much like that.” He returned Cas’ smile.

“But I can’t…” For the first time ever Cas really wanted to do this right; go on dates, follow him to the door for a quick kiss, be a real gentleman. But of course he couldn’t do that, not with the life he led. “We can go out, but it can never look like more than two guys just hangin’ out.” God, he felt like a real dick, but he didn’t want his dad to know and actually he didn’t want the whole world to know either.

Cas felt a single finger sliding down his cheek to his chin lifting his head and he met Dean’s gaze, a gaze filled with lo… uhm, affection or something.

“I said I understood, if this is how it’s gonna be I will have to try and live with that.”

4 WEEKS LATER

Dean was the one that chose the place; he had just had to promise Cas that they could be left in peace from fans. Dean had started hanging out in this place with Charlie and Jo regularly, which also made kind of sense since Jo’s mom was the owner, but now he actually had enough money to go there and eat a burger with his friends a few times a week. He and Sam had settled in nice at Bobby’s, they already had their own rooms from when they came to visit before the visit became permanent. Bobby may be old and cranky but he really cared about them, Dean could feel it. He didn’t have to worry about putting food on the table and all the money he earned by helping out at the garage he could use on fun, for the first time ever he could go out and spend money on all kinds of stuff, even stuff he didn’t really need. He had food in his belly, a roof over his head and warm clothes on his body. He could relax, he could finally live like an, almost, normal teenager. A teenager dating a rock star which nobody other than, of course, Charlie and Jo knew about. But he had safety now and Bobby was the best surrogate father you could dream of. Sam was happy and that was actually what mattered most.

They shared a wall, since their rooms were just next to each other’s. It was okay most of the time, Dean didn’t have to wake up screaming before Sam came into his room, now all it took was for Sam to hear Dean restlessly turning and tossing in his sleep and Sam would sneak into his bed and ease all the nightmares away. Sam was the best brother ever. He didn’t like it when Dean played The Angels on the highest volume though, he would bang on the wall and when that wasn’t enough he would come in screaming and shouting about some stupid homework he had to do. Okay so Bobby wasn’t that crazy about it either, but then he had used some of his allowance, yes, they actually got allowance plus combined with his salary Dean felt rich, to buy a new set of head phones so he could listen to loud music without the others getting bothered.

He listened to The Angels everyday; he just loved hearing Cas’ voice. Cas had been travelling around the country for the last three weeks, playing concerts all over. They talked on the phone whenever they could, which wasn’t often. Dean missed him. So every night he put in his headphones and fell asleep to Cas’ voice, okay that sounded so sappy, but Cas had made a special recording for him of that lullaby he had sung that first night so Dean always put it on repeat.

Cas had taken him to a fancy restaurant on their first date. Dean had even been wearing a tie and everything. Dean usually didn’t do fancy restaurants, but it was apparently Cas’ favorite. He had been speaking all the time about some amazing tiramisu. Dean had been expecting the worst, like if it was so fancy you couldn’t touch the floor, but the place was wonderfully normal for a place with three thousand dollar wine. They sure had some great pizza. Apparently Cas knew the owner, Alejandro or something, who was actually from Italy, and he certainly made sure they had enough breadsticks. Cas had made him order the tiramisu for dessert, even though Dean had his eyes on some caramel panna cotta, but he did not regret Cas’ pushing. That had been his first tiramisu ever and he didn’t think he would be that happy about coffee soaked ladyfingers and vanilla crème, but wow! He was a hundred percent sure he had just tasted a piece of heaven. It had been a nice evening but Dean did miss not being able to kiss Cas before they parted ways. It was going to be even more tough, now, with Cas being away so long and he still couldn’t kiss him silly when he saw him. He should have met him at his place first or something.

Dean arrived on foot, since Bobby didn’t live far enough from the Roadhouse for it to be necessary to start up baby. He didn’t see any of Cas’ cars when he got there, but he sure did spot Charlie’s yellow Beetle. He should have known they were going to be there. One day alone with Cas was just too much to ask… He was just about to go in there and yell at them when a shiny T5 Blackie pulled up just right to where he stood. Black skinny jeans, black leather jacket, black boots and then the guy takes of his helmet and flips his hair like he was in a goddamn movie and all Dean could think was ‘smartass’. That was, until blue eyes smiled at him and then all he could think was ‘hot, hot, hot, hot’ and boy did he want to kiss that face and some other stuff too.

All he got was a quick hug and a pat on the back but the words whispered in his ear did help him a little or… yeah maybe not so much.

“As soon as we’re alone, I’m gonna kiss you till you can’t breathe.” Then Cas went back to platonic, bumping his shoulder with a simple, “Missed you, Freckles.”

Dean led Cas inside. Charlie sat at the counter talking with Jo, who apparently had a shift today. She was filling up some guy’s coffee when she spotted them coming through the door, immediately turning to Charlie and pointing in their direction. Dean rolled his eyes which made Cas chuckle. Well, they weren’t going to leave them alone if they didn’t at least say hi.

“Hey, Jo and Charlie… You’ve already met Cas so I don’t know why you’re here to spy on us.”

“Oh, Dean, I feel offended!” Charlie replied with a sarcastic tone. “Little Jo here is actually working if you haven’t noticed,” she gestured at Jo’s uniform, her white shirt and red apron. “I’m just here to entertain her and eat my own weight in ice cream.” She feigned looking insulted but soon she cracked, laughing louder as the others joined in.

Dean went over to his usual booth in the farthest corner with Cas right behind him. It was a round table with a bench in a half circle; they could sit so close their thighs would touch, but they couldn’t. They sat down opposite each other and picked up their menus.

“I know you like my burgers but I can’t compete with Ellen’s.” Dean said and Cas nodded thoughtfully.

Jo came over to the table, smiling way to wide for her own good. She had met the entire band, how in hell could she still be so star struck. She picked her little pad and pencil out of the pocket in her apron.

“So what can I get you two love birds?” Dean had never seen Cas whip his head up that quick. He was staring at Dean terror in his eyes; he was clenching his jaw so much Dean was certain he could hear it crack.

“Oh shit, uhm… Cas don’t worry I guess I actually forgot to tell you that they know we’re… whatever we are… But don’t worry they promised not to tell a soul.” Dean really should have mentioned this before and he hadn’t exactly asked for permission before telling the girls, but he really did trust them to keep quiet. Dean read Cas’ look as ‘we’re talking about this later’ and Dean was okay with that, now he just wanted to order some food. “Uhm… A bacon-cheeseburger, curly fries and a large coke, thank you, Jo. Cas?”

Cas tore his eyes from Dean to smile up at Jo, “Give me the jalapeño burger and some chili-cheese fries and can I get a large Sprite?”

“Sure thing, sugar, coming right up.” Jo answered and scribbled it down on her notepad. She looked between the boys and sent Dean an apologetic look for accidentally blurting out their little secret before turning and walking back to the counter.

“Dean, I thought I told you not to tell anybody.” Cas looked so disappointed, it carved right through him. He opened his mouth about to say something but closed it again as Cas continued. “I wanna trust you Dean, I really do.” Uh oh, this was it then… Dean had made a mistake and now Cas had lost his confidence in him. He slumped his shoulders and cast his eyes downward. “Wow, Dean, don’t jump to any stupid conclusions.” That certainly got Dean’s attention. “I like you. Dean, and if you trust your friends so do I. I wanna trust you and so far you haven’t given me any reasons not to, just next time talk to me about it okay?” Dean nodded quickly.

Their food arrived and they ate in comfortable silence, only broken by the sounds and little moans Cas seemed to always make when he ate something he liked.

They had talked after they ate, Cas had told stories from their little tour and all the places he had already been in so many times. He talked about how a bunch of girls at a concert had given them an immense basket of candy and when the band entered the bus later that night they found the basket empty and Gabe playing just dance with chocolate on his chin, apparently he kept the whole band up all night and that wasn’t even the worst sugar rush they had experienced. Dean talked about living with Bobby and Cas actually seemed to listen with interest. Dean had paid the bill and now he was following Cas out to his bike. It was one gorgeous bike; it had to be what had been under that cover in the corner of his garage.

“Why have I never seen this beauty before?” Dean slowly ran a finger over the leather seat.

“I never ride her that much… I thought maybe you wanted to take a ride with me.” Cas swung his leg over and sat down, gesturing for Dean to sit behind him. Dean felt all giddy like a little child, he had never rode a bike before, but it sure sounded like fun. He hopped on it and Cas gave him his helmet to put on.

Cas sure didn’t drive slowly, but Dean just tightened his grip on Cas. Dean had his arms around his waist and, through the white Henley Cas had on under his open leather jacket, he could feel that Cas had worked out while he was away. He eased a hand under the shirt to splay over warm skin; he didn’t think anybody would notice.

SS-------II-------SS

Cas smiled when he felt a hand sneak under his shirt but Dean couldn’t see it with his head tucked against his back.

Cas was driving them to Griffith Park; he had something he wanted to show Dean. When they couldn’t drive the bike any further they went on foot.

“Cas, where are we going?” Dean asked, but Cas didn’t answer. They reached a fence, Dean stopped. “Uhm, Cas, I don’t know where you’re taking me but I don’t think we can get any further. I mean, that part of the park is closed off.” Cas just looked at him right before he climbed and jumped over the fence, he stood on the other side waiting for Dean to do the same. “Oh no, Cas, I. Am. Not. Doing that.” Cas just turned around and started to walk away. When he heard the rustling of the fence and the sound of footsteps catching up with him on the gravel, he smirked, self-satisfied. When they walked next to each other again, Cas snaked his hand into Dean’s and intertwined their fingers, holding hands as they walked.

Cas stopped by a big stone by a small lake, “I never really got why they keep this place closed off.” He climbed the stone and sat down, swinging his legs over the edge. “This is my spot, I’ve always come here for peace and quiet, and it’s where I like to think.” Dean sat down beside him, leaning slightly backward on his hands. “When I was little, we lived right in the area, after my mom left I ran away from home and I went here. I went back as soon as I got cold, though, but it was a nice three hours.” He looked over at Dean and smiled. He felt the question on Dean’s lips and he answered before he could ask.

“I was five when she left. I guess she got tired of my dad, everybody gets tired of him sooner or later. He sent me away to freaking boarding school when I was ten and like that wasn’t enough… big surprise! It was a Christian school but it was where I met the boys, that’s the only good thing I got out of it. We all bonded when we found out our parents had named us all after angels, so we formed a group called us The Angels, clever, huh? As soon as I came home two years ago, I worked my butt of for my dad’s company and made the band famous so I could get away from home. But I always came back here. This is actually where I’ve written a lot of the songs. You’re the first person I’ve ever taken with me out here.”

“It’s beautiful here, I get why you like it. I’m really the first?” Cas nodded.

“You’re the only one I have ever wanted to know this part of me. Believe it or not, but that hard, rock star, player attitude is just a façade.” He smiled at Dean.

“I’ve always known you were a big softie.” Dean pecked him on the cheek. “Wait… You said you were all named after angels? I know Gabriel, Michael, Balthazar and Lucifer; they all just usually use the shortened version of their name. I have never, ever, in all the research I’ve done,” he whispered that last part, he sometimes sounded like class A stalker material, “never heard of an angel named Cas…” He was about to continue when he looked at Cas, “Your name is also a shortened version? And you didn’t tell me?”

Cas held out his hand to Dean, “Hi, I’m Castiel, angel of Thursday, nice to meet you.”

Dean shook his hand, “Castiel? I like it.”

“Yeah, but I don’t. It’s a bit too angelic for my taste but, hey, my band is called The Angels and we’re signed by Heaven records so I guess its fitting.” He took Dean’s hand again and placed it on his thigh. “About what you said earlier at the diner…” Dean looked confused. “You said something about ‘whatever we are…’ I guess we never talked about that. I know the girls and Balth are the only ones that actually know about us but I won’t have a problem with calling you my boyfriend around them.” Cas was looking down at their joined hands feeling all shy, Dean wasn’t responding and he felt so anxious. He gathered enough courage to look Dean in the eyes, search for a clue of what he was thinking. That look, Dean’s eyes sparkled, the tad of gold, meddled in with the green, really standing out. He was attacked with lips on lips before he had time to react. It was clumsy but it was just perfect.

“I take it you’re okay with that,” Cas smiled when they broke apart. “I actually have a surprise for you.” Dean’s eyes got impossibly bigger, “but you would have to go to the Grammy’s to find out what it is.”

“Well that sounds exiting,” Dean smiled. “Am I gonna go with you or…?”

“Uhm… I know you don’t like it, but…” Dean’s smile faltered. “I have to go with Meg as my date she’s a singer and since Hannah found a real boyfriend, Meg is my new ‘girlfriend’.” He made air quotes, hoping it would assure Dean. “There’s nothing between us, she’s a friend of one of Luci’s friends and you’re the one I will be going home with at the end of the night.” He kissed Dean sweet and quick and that, thankfully, brought out a little smile.

AT THE GRAMMY AWARDS

Dean didn’t have to ride with Balth this time, they all went together in a limo, yeah, you heard it right, a mother fudging limo. It was the first time Dean had ever been in one and there was champagne and strawberries! This time Dean didn’t plan on getting drunk though. Meg was there too and Dean did not like her but he could fake it just for the night, then he hopefully never had to see her again.

The boys of course had to perform and when they got up to go get ready Cas whispered in his ear, “You’re my sins, Dean.” Whatever that meant… Miley Cyrus was performing and there was no doubt that was going to be all around the Internet later. She always gave quite a show.

Luci and Mike walked out from opposites sides of the stage, playing their guitars as the drums joined in. Cas rose up from the floor singing, “You could have knocked me out with a feather.” Dean had never heard that song before. He knew every song they had ever made but this one had to be new. It certainly sounded good.

Dean laughed a bit when Cas sang, “But I don’t know much about classic cars.” That was a bit of lie, Cas had two older cars. Well, one was a classic car and one was just old. As they got to the chorus the lyrics popped up on the big screens and the crowd started singing along.

“Let’s hear it for America’s sweethearts, but I must confess, I’m in love with my own sins.” That song was going to be a hit, Dean was sure. The chorus was catchy and it was easy to sing along, “Let’s hear it for America’s sweethearts, but I must confess, I’m in love with my own sins.” Wait a minute… Sins… ‘You’re my sins, Dean’… This was the surprise! Cas had written a song, a song for him.

Suddenly Meg whispered in his ear, “Looks like my Clarence wrote me a love song, now isn’t that sweet?” Dean wanted to tell her that the song was for him but he couldn’t and, boy, did that irritate him. He felt the jealousy bubble in his stomach, but he tried with all his might to keep it down. He did imagine her face, though, if she knew. It was no secret to Dean that this girl actually thought she had a chance with Cas. Yeah, you think! Dean wanted to run up to the stage and attack Cas with a kiss the moment he stepped down from there. The look on Meg’s face would be priceless; he would photograph it and frame it for future keeping.

Dean’s plan to control his jealousy went straight to hell when Meg did exactly what Dean had wanted to. As soon as the song ended Meg was there, attached to Cas’ lips. This was going to be bloody…

The boys made their way back to the table, Cas with Meg on his arm. Apparently, Cas noticed the ‘kill, kill, kill’ look in Dean’s eyes.

“Sorry Meg I think, uhm, it looks like Dean needs some help finding the bathrooms.” Dean was so thankful when Cas grabbed him and led him away from the others. They went out through a backdoor, no one was around.

“Dean, calm down. I didn’t know she would pull that stunt, I’m so sorry, I wrote that song for you.” He took Dean’s hands and held them. Dean hung his head low, he knew it was stupid to be jealous, but he just couldn’t help it. “You wanna go home?” Dean nodded. Cas let go of his hands as they walked out to the front of the large building. Cabs were parked in two long rows and they went into the first one.

As they rode to Cas’ place Dean kept looking at him, a possessiveness inside him screaming ‘mine, mine, mine’. As soon as the cab was paid and Cas had closed the front door, Dean was on him.

Dean pushed Cas hard against the door. He was reacting to some animalistic instinct telling him to mark his mate and make sure everyone knew he was his. Dean kissed his way up Cas’ neck, leaving little bite-marks and hickeys on the way. He could feel the vibrations in Cas’ throat as he hummed at the sensation. Dean sucked Cas’ earlobe into his mouth, feeling Cas’ black tunnel with his tongue.

Dean pushed his knee in between Cas’ legs and grinded against him as he moaned in his ear, “You’re mine.” He went to the other side and repeated the kisses, the nibbling and the sucking, feeling Cas melting into a puddle under his lips. Cas reached out for him, trying to pull him closer by his waist, but Dean grabbed both his wrists and held his hands against the wood over his head. Dean grinded against him again and he swore he heard him whimper.

Dean almost growled, “No bitch like Meg gets to kiss you or touch you or even be near you, you know why?” Cas didn’t answer; Dean slotted their hips together once more, almost to hard. “You know why, Cas?”

“Because I’m yours, Dean, all yours!” Cas whined.

“That’s damn right,” Dean rewarded him by lifting his thigh a little higher, giving Cas something to grind down on in his search for friction. Dean could already feel Cas’ erection as it rubbed against him while he let out little moans. You couldn’t say his own cock wasn’t interested either. He grabbed Cas by the hand and ran up the stairs.

They only just made it into Cas’ room before Dean had him pushed against another door. He was kissing him hard, not wasting time trying to be gentle and Cas certainly didn’t seem to mind. Their tongues were twirling around each other. Dean broke for air and when he looked at Cas that air was stolen from his lungs. Cas’ pupils were blown, black consuming blue, his cheeks red and his lips already pink and spit slicked.

Dean only managed to get one single word out, “Bed.” He pushed Cas down on the mattress and crawled over him, pushing their crotches together while stealing another kiss.

“Less clothes, please,” Cas pleaded and Dean was happy to oblige. Cas was in a simple black tee with silver angel wings on which was easy enough to pull over his head and toss far, far away, giving Dean miles of sun tanned, muscled skin to touch and taste. He ran his hands up his sides, over his waist, along his wrists, ending at his pecs and giving his nipples a little squeeze. Now, Cas’ pants were going to turn out to be a bit more difficult. Cas was wearing his iconic black skinny jeans that always made his butt look great. Dean popped open the single button and unzipped the fly. When he pulled them down he couldn’t get them past Cas’ knees.

After tugging on them awhile, switching tactics and trying to pull them from the other end, he gave up. He flopped down on the bed beside Cas.

“I give up. How the hell do you even put those on in the morning?” He threw his arms over his head, still breathing heavily.

“Yeah, it can be a bit difficult,” Cas smiled at him. “Let me take care of these.” He sat at the edge of the bed, starting to fully undress himself. “Well, I don’t want to be the only one naked here, will you please lose the layers?” He smirked at him and Dean got up to do what he was told. When every single piece of clothing was dumped on the floor, Cas turned to him and, did he just lick his lips as he gave him a once over? It wasn’t the first time they had seen each other naked but it had been before Cas had gone away for three weeks.

“Get on the bed, Freckles.” Cas commanded and Dean did just that. Cas crawled on top of him, sitting on his thighs and looking down. “I like when you get all jealous like that, it makes you bossy and it’s hot.” Cas bent down to kiss him, erections just slightly touching.

“I wanna have sex with you,” Dean blurted it out before he had thought it through, it wasn’t a lie, though, but he was afraid of how Cas was going to react. He bit down on his bottom lip and closed his eyes waiting for a rejection but none came. It was silent, almost too long, and he dared to open one eye. Cas was looking at him in shock. “It’s okay if you don’t want to… I mean we can wait, for sure… I’m sorry, I didn’t think, Cas, just forget about it.”

“Dean, I want to I just… I haven’t been with a guy before; I don’t know what to do… Well, I guess I know some, I just… Like who would be you know… the one getting fucked and the one…” Cas looked so cute all shy.

“Since you’ve actually had sex before I suggest you’ll be on top and I’ll be the bottom. You have any lube lying around?” That shook Cas out of his reverie. He crawled over to his nightstand and fumbled around in the drawers to find what they needed and handed it to Dean. “Okay, I will do it myself this time, you just… watch and learn.” Dean should be feeling more exposed as he leaned against the headboard and spread his legs, but, actually, he felt safe.

He popped open the cap and squirted a generous amount onto his fingers. As Dean spread his legs further apart Cas sat down cross-legged at the foot end of the bed. Now Dean actually began to feel naked, I mean he was naked, but in a more psychological sense of the word. He pushed the uncomfortable feelings away and focused on pretending he was alone in his room where he had done this many times before.

He eased the first finger in slowly. The first was always easy enough and soon he pulled out only to push two in. This part was more unpleasant and the stretching a bit painful. He took his cock in hand and started a slow pace, the pleasure masking the pain. He worked his hand up and down while he moved his fingers in and out, slowly fingering himself open. He found his sweet spot and rubbed over it, slowly adding a third digit. He closed his eyes, letting himself surrender to the feeling of ‘good’. He was breathing harder and harder, almost ready when he heard a breath hitch and a single moan released somewhere in front of him. He opened his eyes slowly and the sight before him was stunning. Cas was watching him so intently while jerking himself off it spurred Dean on. He needed more. He needed Cas. He needed Cas yesterday. He opened his mouth to talk but his mouth felt dry and words were hard to get out.

On a moan he mustered out, “Cas…” Cas’ eyes shot up to meet his, it was like he was waiting for Dean to change his mind or tell him to stop. Dean pulled out his fingers and stopped his pumping. He motioned for Cas to come closer and he crawled over beside him.

“Uhm… How do I… You… I mean… Hands and knees or…?” It was so cute seeing Cas all speechless and nervous, he couldn’t help but smile. Dean’s words came back to him when it seemed like he had to take the lead on this one.

“Hand me a pillow.” Cas grabbed the nearest pillow and handed it over. Dean slid further down the bed and propped his ass up on the pillow. When Cas didn’t move an inch Dean beckoned him over, making him settle between his legs. Dean put some more lube in his palm and lathered Cas’ erection, sliding his hand up and down, over the head collecting some precome before guiding Cas closer, lining him up with his stretched, waiting hole.

Cas pushed in slowly, easing the head in first. Dean stopped him with a hand to his chest, silently asking him to wait for a second so he could adjust. He may have fucked himself on his own fingers before but that was nothing compared to this. When he felt ready again Cas pushed in a little more till he was fully seated inside him. Again, not one finger nor three compared to a full-length cock stretching him fully and filling him to the brim. It did hurt a bit, though, but it would become better if Cas would just move.

“Move, Cas, please move.”

The pace was oh so painfully slow, it was evident on Cas’ face that he didn’t want to do something wrong or hurt him. Dean wanted to show him he was okay with more than just words. He skimmed his fingers over Cas’ forearms, up his shoulders, and wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling him down in a kiss. It was deep and passionate and butterflies flew around in his stomach, making his entire body warm with the feeling. He wrapped his legs around his waist, digging his heels into Cas’ butt cheeks, pushing him all the way in again. He lifted a bit to meet the thrust; Cas’ cock brushed over his prostate.

“Ooh god!”

“What? Did I hurt you? We can stop if you want.” Cas started babbling and pulling out but Dean held him in place.

“No, no, Cas, it’s okay. Do… do that again, please.” Cas pushed in again. Dean’s eyes shut tight as he moaned. He couldn’t keep quiet after that and the sounds apparently reassured and spurred Cas on. The pace quickened, the sound of skin on skin slamming together filled the room along with their labored breaths and sounds of pleasure.

“God, you’re tight,” Cas stammered. “I’m not… I don’t think I’m gonna last long.” It was their first time, Dean’s overall first time and Cas’ first time with a guy, so he didn’t blame him. His own pleasure was building and building in his abdomen. He started pumping his own cock in time with Cas’ thrusts and it didn’t take long before fireworks exploded behind his eyelids and white consumed his vision. Come was covering his lower stomach and he felt limp and sated. Cas kept going and Dean let him, it didn’t take long before Cas’ pace became clumsy and quick before he suddenly stilled and Dean felt him empty inside him. Dean opened his eyes to see Cas, fucked out bliss crossing his face. He had hair in his eyes, sweat making the hair stick to his forehead. Dean wiped the hair from his head and smiled up at him, giggling at the happy feelings filling him from head to toe.

“We really gotta make sure you get jealous more often,” Cas teased before he collapsed beside him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it took a bit longer to write this chapter... But you know finals... At least this chapter is a bit longer as a little bonus for you :) (There will also probably not be a new chapter this week, sorry) I love the feedback i get ^_^


	7. The Devil Can Be a Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >> One thing led to another and lets just say that Cas didn’t find it as weird to have sex on top of covers with his own face on as he probably should have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the seventh chapter is finally here! Which means finals is over and i can focus on fanfiction, because since I'm from Denmark the summer consist of rain and windy weather and then more rain... So yeah... Along with this chapter I also reveal what the next project is that I will be working on :)
> 
> This chapter has been edited by my beta sanAnhamirak

Dean was going to spend the weekend at Cas’, which was just great! Cas had been busy in the studio all week and after the weekend it was more of the same, Dean barely saw him. This was their only chance to see each other in the next two weeks or so and Dean was going to cherish that time. He was going over there as soon as school was over; unfortunately, the last period seemed to drag on forever and ever and ever and ever. Every time Dean looked at the clock only a minute had passed and he sighed deep in frustration.  Charlie and Jo had been all over him at lunch, they always kept begging him to take them with him. He suspected Jo had a tiny crush on Balth, she got those dopey eyes when they talked about him, the same eyes Dean apparently got when the topic was Cas. Luckily the girls totally got it when he explained they weren’t seeing each other much and they backed off.

Dating a rock star was awesome; Dean really loved hanging around Cas and the band. It was only Balth who knew about their relationship, since it was hard to keep from the guy who actually lived with Cas. Dean suspected the other guys from the band actually knew too, but Cas was convinced they didn’t. That was the hard part about dating a rock star, he always thought about his reputation before anything else. They had been together for three months now and they became closer and closer as they really got to know each other but, that meant that every time Cas had to make some publicity stunt and go out with a girl, it hurt more. At first he had just felt jealous, but now it broke his heart a little every time. The sight of Cas with some actor or singer or model on his arm, the girls kissing him on the cheek, paparazzi taking photos, the photos popping up in magazines the next day with big letters ‘see Cas Novak’s new fling’ and all the while Dean, the actual boyfriend, sat at home alone, being hidden from the world. Dean wanted to be out there with Cas, which he was sometimes, he was just known as a friend of the band, he wanted Cas to be out and proud so he could share those special moments with him. Be the first to hug and kiss him when he won an award and stuff like that.

But Dean had to settle with what he got and he really didn’t have a say in the matter. He had tried one time to suggest Cas coming out of the closet; he had really tried convincing him that his fans wouldn’t hate him for being who he really was. Of course, Dean wasn’t able to promise anything and the slight chance that the band would lose a great part of it’s fan base was enough for Cas to throw away the idea and Dean hadn’t spoken up about it since. Dean had dropped it, but it still got on his nerves from time to time. With the little time they had together when Cas had some time off, Dean didn’t exactly want to use the time fighting. He always missed him when he was gone and he really just wanted to enjoy their time. He wanted to enjoy this weekend.

When the bell finally rang, Dean was the first one out the door. He had already packed an overnight bag so he didn’t need to go home or anything, he could drive directly to Cas’ house and even if Cas or Balth wasn’t home yet Dean had an extra key.

It was just past three when Dean arrived and nobody was home yet so Dean let himself in. He guessed the guys were still recording stuff for their new album, or having a meeting, or just practicing and jamming and stuff, whatever a boy band did. Dean kicked his shoes off by the door and went up the stairs. The first few times Dean had been here he had slept in the room opposite Cas’, but now they always slept together. Dean went to the right and hit the light switch since Cas’ blinds were down. He dropped his bag by his side of the bed, his side of Cas’ bed, that still sounded weird to him, kind of surreal. By the look of the room Cas had slept a bit too late this morning; the bed wasn’t made, old clothes lay on the floor in a little pile, a few drawers hadn’t been closed all the way, and the light was still on in the bathroom.

Dean cleaned up a bit, he felt weirdly housewife-ish, but he didn’t care. When Cas came home he was probably tired and Dean knew from experience that if Cas came home tired to a big mess he would get cranky, real cranky. The guy was a rock star, but God was he an obsessive perfectionist too. Dean had been over in Balth’s part of the place a couple of times, the first time because Cas had fallen asleep almost the moment he came through the door, so the two of them had watched a movie. Now, Balth’s place looked like a rock star’s, or to be more exact what the stereotype said a rock star’s house would look like. It was messy. Clothes strewn everywhere except the actual closet, old pizza boxes and containers from Chinese food littered on the floor, empty beer bottles and soda cans, and the walls were filled with posters of bands and naked women and such. He was the complete opposite of Cas and Dean saw what a good idea it really was that the two only shared the downstairs floor.

In Cas’ room, everything had its place, even Dean’s bag when he slept over had its own spot. When the clothes were in the laundry basket, the drawers closed, the light off in the bathroom, and the bed made, Dean flopped down on the couch in Cas’ little ‘lounge area’. He was tired from school and it would probably be a couple of hours before Cas came home. He picked up the controller for his PS4 and started GTAV. He would play online with Cas’ avatar; the dude seemed to play this a lot if you judged from his apartments, cars and gear in the game. When Dean got bored with just driving around and shooting at stuff and he had hijacked a jet from the military base four times, he shut down the game and went on Netflix instead. He started a new episode of Orange is the new Black, a guilty pleasure of his. Dean didn’t know exactly when, but some time around the moment where Ruby Rose was introduced in the series as one of the inmates, he fell asleep on the couch.

Dean felt something on his forehead and, assuming it was a fly or something, he tried to swat it, but hitting himself on the face made someone in the room giggle. He slowly cracked just one eye open to see Cas standing above him smiling down at him. He grunted and closed his eyes again. He laid his arm over his eyes, trying to completely block out the last sunlight of the day flooding in through the windows, because Cas obviously thought it was a brilliant idea to raise his blinds. Dean didn’t think so, though; he tried to sink further down, hiding behind the back of the couch.

“I’m gonna go take a shower and then we can go make some dinner or order something. Whatever you’re up for.” Cas said in a cheery voice kissing Dean on the forehead. So Cas was the fly… or what he had thought was one. Dean just nodded and hummed his confirmation and then he fell asleep again. He woke up a couple of times, hearing the shower was still running, and then going back under. He kept going in and out of sleep like that until he got fully woken up by something wet and tickling on his face, apparently Cas found it oh so funny to stick his shower wet hair in his face. Dean immediately slung both of his arms around Cas’ neck and pulled his head down so he could kiss him, Cas laughed against his lips but soon stopped as Dean deepened it.

After not seeing Cas for a whole week, only texting and talking, he craved this; he needed this, to be so close to Cas. He kept kissing him hungrily. He kept tugging at him and at some point he pulled at him so hard he fell over the back of the couch and fell rather inelegantly on top of Dean. Cas’ elbow hit Dean right in the ribs and he groaned in pain, Cas looked at him all concerned but then they both burst into laughter. Cas repositioned himself so he was straddling Dean and he was suddenly very aware that Cas only had a pair of dark blue boxers on. Apparently, Cas suddenly remembered too and he became quiet as he just looked down at Dean. Dean put his hands on Cas’ thighs just above the knee, he ran his hands tentatively up his thighs, over his hips, his waist, ribs, nipples, shoulders, neck and then pulled him down to smack their lips together in another, even more heated, kiss. He put his arms under Cas’ placing his hands on his shoulder blades, keeping him pulled down against him.

Feeling bold, Dean ran his hands down Cas’ back, enjoying the feel of warm clean skin, reaching Cas’ boxers and moving his hands down further. He started kneading Cas’ butt cheeks, earning a satisfied hum from him which gave Dean more confidence, he grabbed him a bit tighter, a bit harder, and Cas spontaneously bucked down, grinding against him as he moaned. Everything evolved from there. They kept making out for what seemed like hours, grinding their crotches together. Cas’ growing erection was obvious through the thin material of his boxers and Dean’s own jeans felt uncomfortably restraining.

“Fuck me.”

Wait, what? Did Dean really hear that? Did Cas just say that? Dean stilled and Cas pulled away slightly, something like uncertainty, fright, and excitement crossing his face at the same time.

“I want you to fuck me,” Cas said suddenly, sounding and looking more sure and confident.

“You mean…” Dean couldn’t finish his sentence; he looked off to the side.

“I mean, me bottoming.” Cas explained. Well that was certainly new. In the months they had been together, the times they had had sex, Dean had always bottomed, which he, in no way, minded. They had never done it the other way around. Dean had never been on top, well not if you don’t count the time he had actually been ‘on top’ riding Cas, but he hadn’t… Oh no, what if he didn’t do it right?

“Dean?” Cas’ voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

“What?”

“I know what you’re thinking. I wanna try it. I want to know what it is that you usually experience. I trust you not to hurt me.” Cas kissed him quick and soft as to show he meant it.

“Okay,” Dean nodded, looking into oceans of hopeful blue.

“Okay?” Cas asked a hint of nervousness sneaking in. When Dean nodded again Cas crawled off of him to stand, taking his hand and leading them both to the bed. It all felt like it had that first time, they were both a bit more nervous than usual.

Cas laid down in the middle of the bed. He followed Dean’s every movement as he stripped off every layer until he also was in just boxers; jacket, plaid shirt, black t-shirt, pants and socks thrown off to the side. Dean himself felt like every layer took hours to get off, he kept his eyes on Cas the whole time; he was looking at him hungrily and his long pale legs seemed to spread further and further by the second. When only his boxers remained, Dean crawled to Cas and sat straddling him. He bent down to place a soft kiss on Cas’ lips. It was sweet, light, and passionate. He kissed him on the corner of his mouth, his chin, and then he moved onto his jaw. He trailed along his jawbone down to his ear, lightly nibbling and worrying the lobe between his teeth, eliciting a sweet moan from Cas’ throat, moving further down the side of his throat where he felt Cas swallow, his Adam’s apple bobbing. He sucked a hickey right over his collarbone, kissing the red mark and admiring his own work. He reached Cas’ right nipple, the one with the cute birthmark right beside it and sucked till the nub was hard and wet and then gave the other the same treatment, biting down slightly and getting another pleased moan in return. He kissed down his stomach, past his bellybutton, and followed the line of, just barely, darker hair leading down to the waistband of his boxers. He jumped down to his inner thighs, kissing his way up on either side till he inevitably reached Cas crotch again. He kissed Cas’ erection through the fabric, another moan echoing through the room. Moving just slightly down again, he sucked on Cas’ balls through the thin material, leaving a wet spot behind. Cas arched his back, fucking up into thin air, searching for friction he wasn’t granted.

Dean left Cas to crawl to the nightstand, searching the drawers for the bottle of lube, which he placed by Cas’ knee. He then grabbed his boxers and pulled them off, down over his knees and feet, and threw them away to the side of the bed. He positioned himself between Cas’ legs, on hands and knees. He put his one hand on Cas’ hip as he wrapped the fingers of his other hand around Cas’ length. He moved his hands slowly up and down, collecting a bead of precome at the head with his thumb. He observed Cas’ expression and smiled to himself when Cas squeezed his eyes shut and threw his head further back on the pillow. When he swallowed Cas down without warning, which he after some practice had become better at, he saw Cas grab at the sheet and tugging at it with his fists out of the corner of his eyes.

SS-------II-------SS

Dean knew all the little moves and tricks that made Cas melt into a puddle and it felt oh so good. Then he heard the unmistakable sound of a bottle cap opening and he felt his whole body tense up in anticipation but also nervousness, that was, until Dean sucked him down so much that he felt his dick hit the back of his throat and that made him relax considerably. He felt a lubed up finger circling his entrance before slowly sliding in just slightly, Cas’ breath hitched and he swallowed hard. He tensed up again involuntarily and he willed every part of his body to relax.

Dean licked up the sensitive vein on the underside of his cock and at the same time pushed the finger further in all the way to the knuckle. The tip of the finger brushed over something, a spot, a bundle of nerves, something that sent a spark of pleasure up his spine, making his eyes pop open and squeeze shut just as quickly in ecstasy.

“Holy Hell! What was that?!” Okay, that maybe seemed like a stupid question, he knew what it was, he just didn’t know this could feel so good. “Is this really what you feel all the time?”

“Wow, you really weren’t kidding then, when you said you hadn’t tried this before.” Dean said, letting go of his cock with an obscenely loud pop. “You really thought my moans were fake or something? Haven’t I always seemed like I’ve been enjoying myself when you fuck me?” He sounded accusing, but it was in a teasing way.

Cas noticed the finger inside him had stilled and the intrusion didn’t feel uncomfortable anymore.

“Do it again.” Cas sounded more pleading than he meant to. The finger withdrew and the pushed in again, pushing over that spot again, making a deep moan escape his throat. A few more pushes in and out and a second finger was added. The stretch felt really unpleasant, but Dean did his best to make the experience good. Suddenly, lips were on lips and it was hungry and messy. The fingers inside him found that place again and started scissoring him open. Cas focused on the pleasure, letting Dean swallow every moan. Cas focused on the feel of Dean’s lips and the desperation and need he could almost taste on Dean’s tongue (along with the salty taste of his own precome). And, of course, he couldn’t help but focus on the still boxer clad erection rubbing against his leg. He slid one of his hands down between their bodies to rub against Dean’s hard length, reaching under the waistband to start stroking him.

His own hand moving up and down Dean’s shaft and the fingers stretching him thoroughly made them both pant and moan into the other’s mouth. The third finger didn’t actually feel that bad and Cas felt like he was ready, pulling back and nodding at Dean to show it. Dean made quick work of getting his own boxers off and the lubing up his own cock. A pillow was propped up under him to make the angle better and then Dean was hovering over him again, kissing him quick on the lips before lining up his cock against Cas’ hole. Cas had felt ready, but as the head slipped past the rim, he didn’t feel ready at all. Dean clearly felt him tensing and froze. Cas’ breath quickened and his heart rate passed beating fast because of pleasure and into racing frantically in slight panic.

The concerned look in Dean’s eyes was so sweet that he couldn’t help but pull him down into a kiss.

“Just let me adjust, okay? Go slow.” He tried assuring Dean with his eyes that he trusted him not to hurt him like he had said earlier.

When his heart rate and breathing turned back to almost normal, he beckoned Dean to go in just a bit further. He pushed in ever so slowly and that actually made it easier. When Dean was fully seated, he held still and Cas wiggled and moved his hips a bit to find the best position.

“Dean?” Dean opened his eyes, which had been closed in concentration of making sure not to go to fast, and looked down at him making an ‘hmm’ noise in confirmation. “Please move,” Cas smiled up at him. Dean blinked a few times before pulling out slightly and then pushing back in. The pace was slow and steady, just focusing on Cas getting comfortable with this new sensation. Cas was so grateful for Dean’s self-control right now, letting Cas have the time he needed.

That self-control was unfortunately lost in a split second and Dean accidentally pushed in too hard and he instantly froze and began to apologize.

“Oh God, Cas I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to… I just… I lost my control. Are you okay? I didn’t want to hurt you I promise.” Dean looked sorry no doubt about that, his eyes all big and puppy-like.

To be honest though, it may have been harder than the pace they had begun with, but the angle Dean had hit was no way near bad. Actually, he had hit his prostate just right and the pain Cas would have felt was pleasantly disguised by pleasure. Dean was slowly pulling out, but a voice inside Cas’ head screamed ‘NO!’ and he threw his legs around Dean’s hips, digging his heels into his back and slamming him back in, clearly startling the boy above him with the abrupt movement. Thankfully Dean got the hint without any further discussion and the new pace was faster, harder, the sound of skin slamming against skin echoing off the walls and filling the room along with Cas’ moans, which Dean seemed to repeat. The angle was just right, nailing Cas’ prostate every time and a string of breathy ‘Deans’ were falling past his lips with every thrust.

“You are so freaking tight,” Dean moaned. “You like the feeling of my cock inside of you, huh?”

“Fuck yeah, I do, I really do.” And Cas really did. He had never felt this full before. The width of Dean’s dick was stretching him to the point where he would probably feel sore in the morning, but this was certainly not the last time Cas was doing this. Somehow, he had thought bottoming wouldn’t be as good as topping, sure Dean had seemed overly satisfied every time he had fucked him, but still a little part of Cas had been unsure for a long time. Dean’s pace quickened and Cas could tell that he was probably close and if Cas thought was he had been feeling before was as good as it would get, he was so very wrong. The moment Dean grabbed hold of his abandoned cock and started pumping in time with his thrust it all just became too much and Cas came in the matter of seconds, spurting come over his own stomach and clenching around Dean. White sparks flew across his eyes and then black seemed to consume him as he felt his body tense and then relax. A few thrusts more and Cas felt Dean come inside of him and that was just adding to the list of new sensations. When Cas came down from his high, though, it began to feel sticky and not as pleasant anymore, fortunately Dean understood and went to the bathroom to get a towel and wet it a bit, bringing it back to bed and wiping Cas clean. They laid in bed, cuddled up against each other, basking in the afterglow and just enjoying each other’s company. That was, until both their stomachs growled in protest and they decided to order a pizza.

The rest of the weekend went with movies, PlayStation games, fast-food, make out sessions, lazy morning hand jobs, blowjobs in the shower, cuddling, listening to Cas play his piano, trying sex on the couch (even though the bed was right there), and then inevitably saying goodbye again.

 

A FEW DAYS LATER

Cas loved singing and he loved that it was actually his job. He loved his friends and the fact that they were all in a band together and they always had a lot of fun, but he didn’t love Luci. Damn Luci and his rich powerful parents… He was the type that no one really liked, but his parents literally bought him friends. He always got his way because everybody was told by their own parents to let him do what he wanted to do. What people even named their kid Lucifer? That did not promise anything good to name a kid after the devil… and, right now, Luci was the devil.

The weekend with Dean had been great, just absolutely awesome and if he, himself, could choose, he would just stay in bed with Dean all day and watch Dr. Sexy MD reruns. He had had an interview about the new album, answering different questions with Mike. Tuesday had been lunch with his dad and some vocal training, not that he actually needed any, but once every month he saw a trainer and it was a nice change from his normal days.

Now, it was Wednesday and the guys were practicing and recording songs for the new album and, of course, Luci had to cause a scene, again. Apparently, it was the same problem as always and everybody was so tired of his bullshit.

Basically, Luci wanted to be the front man, he wanted to be the lead guitarist, and have solos, which actually just meant he wanted both Cas’ and Mike’s jobs, and before long they could probably just let him be a one man band. The other guys had agreed on giving him one last chance and that was months ago and he had had about fifteen extra chances by now and this, here, was the final straw.

They had all arrived at the studio around ten am, but, apparently, Luci was running on another time schedule and had been thirty minutes late. When it had been apparent that Luci was late, the guys had thrown themselves in the lounge corner; Mike and Balth on the worn black leather couch, Cas on the floor, back against the couch, and Gabe had plopped down on a leopard-patterned beanbag.

They had been chatting and laughing, Cas had been strumming a guitar silently, and then Luci had showed up and had the audacity to look at them and say, “So you’re just gonna lay there and be lazy all day? I always have to do everything and still you don’t want to give me the responsibility I already have.”

Which had made them all turn their heads and just glare. They had brushed it off, Balth had been really close to exploding, but Cas, as the son of the guy who literally owned their asses, had to give him the ‘cool down’ look and avoid a crisis that was inevitably going to happen at some point either way, but Cas hadn’t really expected the bomb to blow up today. God! They had a press conference next Friday because of the release of their album.

They set up to record the eight song on the album, only four more to go. They were half way through the first run through when Luci signaled them all to stop. Cas sighed, ‘Here we go’ because this was an all day repeat. Today, though, he hit a nerve.

“Guys, I really don’t feel this. Balthazar, no offense, really, but you are way off the rhythm. Let me show you.” Balth threw his drumsticks into the wall behind him and got up and plopped down on the couch, basically giving up. Luci played the drums and Cas was actually surprised that he didn’t know how bad he actually was on the drums; the guy had no rhythmic sense. Clearly noticing that Balth didn’t care he kept going.

“Why are you even in this band when you don’t even care?” It was probably supposed to be aimed at Balth, but the reality was that he was talking about them all. “I already play all the important parts of the guitar, so you Mike, you are basically not even necessary for the band. Nobody even notices the bass.” He gestured at Gabe and he huffed a laugh. How did this guy even get into a band knowing nothing about music? Yeah, he could play guitar, but his parts were so simple that Cas could play them while singing if he had to, which, seemed like an intriguing idea. “Cas, you sing like someone stepped on a cat’s tail. I’m already carrying this band through so why do you guys still seem to hate me that much, without me you’re nothing.”

Cas raised his eyebrows so high they probably disappeared in his hairline or something.

“I’ve had enough! I can’t do this anymore.” The others nodded in understanding and sighed in frustration. Cas grabbed his phone and dialed his dad, “Dad? Yeah, it’s me. You remember when we talked about Lucifer and how I had to be nice? Yup, that’s over! Me and the guys are tired of his shit.” He saw the panic dawn on Luci’s face as he spoke with his dad.

They had all left earlier than usual and after a rough day there was only one thing Cas wanted, Dean. So here he was, outside Dean’s house. He had never been here before; he hadn’t even visited Dean where he lived before. He noticed that the auto shop that Dean had once mentioned he worked at was actually right next door, which made sense since Bobby owned the place. Cas had never met Bobby or Sam, but right now that wasn’t on his mind.

He knocked on the door and waited. He heard loud steps on the other side of the door and then it flew open. “Cas…”

Dean looked genuinely surprised to see him; he was wearing a pair of pajama pants. He was shirtless and Cas probably stared a bit too long. A drop of water was running past his nipple and over his ribs. Cas was smiling stupidly, just enjoying the view.

“Cas?” Dean said, making Cas focus on his face and his wet hair, probably just got out of the shower. His cheeks were a bit red and illuminating every freckle on his face. Green eyes, somehow, even more green as he stared at him, waiting for him to say something.

“Hey, Freckles,” he smiled and leaned in for a quick kiss. “Gonna let me in, or…?” Dean stepped to the side, letting Cas walk through the door. Cas followed Dean up the stairs to his room.

“So, did something happen?” Dean asked as he went inside his room and went over to his dresser, looking for a pair of socks and a shirt to put on.

“Just a tough day at the studio,” Cas answered as he closed the door behind him. “Just wanted to see…you.” He had to stop midsentence when his eyes flicked around the room. The band merchandise was not so weird, it was more the many pictures of himself filling the walls that made him actually laugh out loud.

Dean whipped around as he heard the sound of laughing behind him.

“Oh, I forgot about that. I’m so sorry, Cas. I didn’t mean to freak you out or something.” Then he seemed to realize that Cas was laughing and he wasn’t shouting or anything. He went on to try and explain himself, “I had all these posters on my wall in the old house and when we moved I didn’t really think about the fact that we were… you know, so I just hung them up again.”

“It’s… It’s okay Dean,” Cas assured him. He noticed a poster right by Dean’s bed; he remembered that photo-shoot. He had been told being shirtless was going to sell the poster better to all the girl fans, and apparently some guys too. It had been a cold day, but in the picture it looked sunny and Cas looked sexy with the sun shining on his bare chest. He had impressive abs on the poster, hurray for Photoshop because he didn’t look that perfect in real life. He didn’t like to be objectified like that, he didn’t… Wait…

“Do you ever jerk off to that?” he asked pointing at the poster he was talking about, but Dean didn’t really have to answer, the shade of red of his cheeks spoke for themselves, along with the look he threw at the ground. Wow, that was actually kind of hot. He intruded on Dean’s personal space and with a gentle finger, lifted his chin to make him look at him. “I hope the real me is better than poster me,” Cas smirked and the shy smile on Dean’s lips erased all struggles of the day.

“Definitely better,” came Dean’s answer. Cas kissed him then, already quite turned on. He tugged on Dean’s shirt and, even though he had just put it on, he pulled it off him again. One thing led to another and lets just say that Cas didn’t find it as weird to have sex on top of covers with his own face on them as he probably should have.


	8. Red Guy. Pointy Tail. Fork?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >> Wait what? “Now is the time you tell what’s going on Jo.” Dean felt a knot forming in his stomach, this did not sound promising. 
> 
> “It’s out…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so, so sorry for the delay! Please don't hate on me ^_^ But I'm working through some personal issues and I went on vacation with the family (No computer... Still surprised I survived...) but now I'm back and writing whenever inspiration and creativity hits me. So here you have the next chapter :) The last three will probably be a bit shorter as the story nears the end.

They had gotten dressed and opened the window to air out the room. They went downstairs and sat on the couch leaning against opposite armrests, Friends reruns on the TV in the background. They were trying to play it cool when Sam came home from his study-date, but Cas kept giving Dean that look where Dean knew exactly what he was thinking about. He winked and Dean kicked his thigh.

“I’m home!” They heard Sam shout from the hallway. They heard the thump from his backpack being dumped on the floor before he entered the living room. “Hey Dean,” Sam smiled and then he noticed Cas. “Oh, hey, Cas right?” Cas nodded.

“Oops, forgot that you haven’t really met.” Dean shrugged his shoulders. “Cas, this is my dorky, bookworm, Sasquatch, brother. Sam, this is my world famous rock star boyfriend with the cute butt.” Dean smiled proudly. Sam gave a tiny wave toward Cas.

“Aww, you think I have a cute butt? Thanks, sweetheart,” Cas said mockingly, holding both hands over his heart. Now it was Dean’s turn to wink at Cas.

“God! I don’t want to see you two eye fucking, I’m gonna be in my room.” Sam yelled and covered his eyes and stumped off, they heard him yell something from the stairs, but they were laughing too hard to hear. Dean didn’t even know they did “eye fuck” but the face his brother could pull was just too freaking funny.

“Not that I really want my brother to see, but could you imagine his face if he ever walked in on us?” Dean asked through a laugh. Cas got quiet and Dean was nervous he had stepped over the line, but then Cas burst out into a new fit of laughter. “You just saw it in your head right?” Cas nodded as he held a hand on his stomach aching from the strain of laughing. “You do have a cute butt though, honeybunch.”

“Why are you talking about butts in here?” Bobby had chosen that exact moment to enter the living room, still in his work clothes and wiping off oil and grease on a yellow old rag. Dean jumped off the couch, straightening his clothes out of nervous habit, Cas followed suit, getting up and placing himself beside Dean. “Ah, is this the famous boyfriend that gets Dean here all dopey eyed and makes him smile that goofy smile whenever he’s on television?”

“That would probably be me, yeah, nice to meet you, sir.” Cas smiled and stuck out his hand for Bobby to shake. Cas seemed a lot less nervous than Dean felt right now. Bobby was practically his dad; he had certainly acted more like a dad than John ever had. Approval in his choice of boyfriend was important to Dean, but he hadn’t really thought about them meeting today. Sure he knew that Bobby could be home any second, but he had always imagined Bobby inviting Cas to dinner and everything being so very formal, but now the two were already talking, smiling? Bobby was clapping Cas on the shoulder, what did they just say to each other? Damn, Dean should stop zoning out. Shit, now they were looking at him and laughing, Dean smiled meekly. Dean felt Cas’ hand as a reassuring weight and warmth on his lower back.

“Well then, maybe you boys can help with dinner.” Bobby smiled and walked to the kitchen to wash his hands properly. Dean and Cas followed behind. Dean hopped up on the counter and Cas positioned himself between his knees and leaned up for a quick touch of lips. “Less kissing, more peeling,” Bobby threw a bag of potatoes in the sink and handed them a peeler, a knife and a cutting board. They were having homemade fries and steak tonight with whiskey sauce, Bobby’s favorite. Dean was peeling and Cas was cutting. At one point, when Cas looked away for just a second, Dean carefully placed a potato peel on his head. Unfortunately, he couldn’t keep his poker face, especially not when Cas made that confused head tilt asking what was wrong and Dean just couldn’t stop laughing. It turned into a potato peel throwing, water and towel smacking battle until Bobby had enough and they went back to work through the bag, making quite a team as soon as they picked up a rhythm. Then, Cas started singing an improvised potato song and the rhythm faltered as Dean once again started laughing. This was turning out to be a great day.

For once, they were having dinner in the dining room and not just at the little table in the kitchen. Sam was mostly silent and Dean was just content with listening to his boyfriend and surrogate dad sharing their interest in cars. Bobby was especially interested in Cas’ old Aston Martin and Cas promised to bring it by the auto shop one day so Bobby could get a look at it. Dinner ran smoothly, Dean was feeling like a normal kid and this, the people he loved the most surrounding him and getting along, made a warm fuzzy feeling spread in his stomach. Dread followed that feeling though, because Dean never got to be happy. Every time everything had seemed okay it all went to hell and now Dean found himself just waiting for the inevitable to happen. For his happiness to be taken away.

After dinner Dean followed Cas out to his car, he was driving the black Alfa Romeo today and Dean let a finger slide over the hood as they rounded to the driver’s side.

“So you wanna tell me the reason for your impromptu visit today?” Dean asked, shoving his hands into his pockets.

Cas leaned against the door looking all innocent, “What? Can’t a guy visit his boyfriend without a reason?” Cas hooked his index fingers in Dean’s belt loops and pulled him into his space.

Dean smiled at the use of the term ‘boyfriend’ but he still removed Cas’ hands and pushed lightly at his chest.

“Sure, of course. Just not when that guy is a famous rock star that never before visited this said boyfriend because he was scared of the paparazzi getting pictures of some hot stuff. Like a sexy and heated kiss goodbye by the black expensive car that already raises questions just by being parked in this neighborhood.” Dean reasoned.

Cas tried to lean in again, whispering assurances that no one had followed him or knew he was here, but Dean just pushed at him again making his face all stern like the way parents did best.

“Okay, okay.” Cas threw his hands up in surrender. “The devil started making trouble again,” Cas sighed.

“Lucifer?”

“Yeah, he’s always been kind of a pain in the ass, but lately it’s just gotten worse and worse! Who knew what a little drama queen Satan could be… me and the other guys just finally had enough. You know we’re practicing, recording, and writing most days right know?” Dean nodded. “Well, these few days we’ve gotten absolutely nothing done because every time Luci arrives, late by the way, every single day, everybody just gives up. He starts complaining and we just give up and now we’ve had enough. We’re talking it over with my dad tomorrow, Luci’s getting the kick and it’s gonna be a mess so we have to strategize. That’s why I felt the need to see that cute butt of yours.” Cas winked.

“How could you expect any different than a troublemaker when you give a baby the name of a red angry guy with a pointy tail and a fork?” Dean laughed and reached behind Cas to open the door for him. “Now get in your car, drive home safely, go to sleep, and maybe send me a shirtless picture and then call or write me tomorrow after the meeting okay?”

Cas nodded, “So no goodnight kiss?” he pouted, but all he got was a hand on his head pushing him down and into the car with force. “I just love it when you get all bossy,” Cas smirked, licking his lips.

“Go. Home.” Dean closed the door before he could try anything else and waved goodbye as he walked back inside, watching Cas back out of the driveway before he closed the door behind him.

SS-------II-------SS

All the band members were there, their individual manager, Jimmy Novak, and some other guys taking notes and stuff. Cas hated this sort of thing. Once upon a time, music was just fun, something he was good at and enjoyed doing, he still did though, but these kind of things, ugh! The paperwork was not fun. Everybody had to come to some kind of agreement and new contracts had to be made, as the change the band was about to make was kind of drastic. Luci sat at the end of the table by himself, only his manager by his side. The rest of the guys were spread along the length of the table and then Jimmy at the other end.

Luci looked pissed while the others tried so very hard to hide their relieved smiles, the concentration was evident on their faces, Cas’ too. Jimmy, of course, was all hard faced and stern, not a single emotion slipping through the cracks. Cas doesn’t really remember ever seeing him smile if he thought about it.

In the end, it was decided to hold a press conference the day before the release of the new album, where it was to be said that Luci was leaving the band to pursue a solo career and that this album was going to be the last including all five guys. That, unfortunately, meant that they were going to work together still for a little while, but then they were free.

All the guys went home afterwards except Cas, his dad thought lunch sounded like a good idea now, when they were already together. They went to a fancy restaurant, the same old routine; placement of table, smiles for the camera and polite small talk. Cas did promise to call Dean, though, so he excused himself and went outside, standing at the edge of the sidewalk, watching cars passing by. He rocked back and forth on his heels as he listened to the phone beeping until Dean’s voice sounded over the speaker.

“Hey, sweetie pie.”

“Pie? I would love some. Hey pumpkin. Wait… Pumpkin pie…”

“Dean, focus! Don’t get your little panties all wet.” Cas laughed as he heard Dean rustle around on the other end, probably searching through the refrigerator and every cupboard for any kind of pie.

“You know, you talk about panties a lot. Should I buy a pair? Maybe some pink satin or black lace?”

“God, that would be so hot.” Cas said on an exhale, picturing Dean lying spread out on the bed, wearing only a tiny pair of panties, his erection sticking out by the waistband. Cas’ pants suddenly felt tighter, “Congratulations, you just gave your boyfriend an awkward boner in public.”

“Yes! That’s a victory.”

“Shut up! I have to go back to the table where my dad is sitting like this,” Cas pouted, even though Dean couldn’t see him, but he was sure it was evident in his voice.

“Dinner with big daddy again? Poor you. So, how did the meeting go?”

“Yeah, I’m one lucky guy…”

“Well, you got me so I would say lucky indeed.”

“Shut up, Dean! You were drooling over me before I even knew you existed, I guess you’re the lucky one.”

“Ouch! But true…”

“But, yeah, the meeting went well I guess… I never really pay attention to all the boring parts, but Luci is getting the kick, though, to the media he’s going solo.” Cas explained. A group of teenage girls, seven, maybe eight, of them, rounded the corner to his left. Shit! Please don’t notice me, please just walk by; I’m just a normal guy talking on the phone. Cas was chanting inside his head, praying that they wouldn’t see him and… Oh God, they saw him. One of the girls stopped as she accidentally made eye contact with Cas, she was saying something and stopped midsentence. Her friends looked confused trying to figure out what caught her attention and then a whole bunch of girls’ jaws dropped and their eyes popped and then a giant squeal sound from all of them in unison. “Oh Jesus fuck!” Cas hissed.

“What? What’s happening? Everything okay?”

Dean sounded worried. “Uhm, teenage girls… Got spotted, gotta go. Love you!” Love you? Love you? Did he just say that and then hung up in the same second? He didn’t get to think about it any further as he found himself surrounded, the screams attracting the attention from other people, who joined to see the reason for the turmoil. Cas escaped the crowd after a round of pictures, hugs and autographs and went back inside to dad who was not so amused.

SS-------II-------SS

Not even a week after Luci going “solo” everything went to hell. Just as Dean foresaw.

It was Sunday, Dean’s favorite day. He would sleep in, eat eggs and bacon or maybe pancakes for breakfast, and then spend the most of the day on the couch watching TV. Unfortunately, someone seemed keen on ruining his plans. He had ignored the phone the first two times it rang, it lay on his desk and he was not getting out of his blanket burrito to put it on silent, but the third time it rang he knew it had to important. The screen read ‘Jo’ so he picked up, bringing the phone back to bed, laying the phone on the pillow and his head on the phone, getting comfortable on the mattress again. “Jo, you’re ruining my…” He was cut off by Jo shushing him.

“I know I’m ruining Sunday lazy-day, but you really want to know this.”

Silence. Dean waited for Jo to continue knowing when not to interrupt.

“You know how I love my gossip and how every Sunday I buy the weekly edition of Teen Weekly. Well, today I had trouble sleeping, so I went out and bought it earlier than normal and boy are you gonna be glad I did ‘cause you are probably gonna receive a call from Cas any second once he hears of this.”

Wait, what?

“Now is the time you tell me what’s going on, Jo.” Dean felt a knot forming in his stomach, this did not sound promising.

“It’s out…”

“What’s out? Jo, you have to give me some details here.”

“Well, the front on the magazine read: ‘Rock star sensation secretly gay’ and I didn’t really think much about it ‘cause everyday a new rock star is apparently gay, sometimes it’s a true story, sometimes not.”

Oh no. Dean had a suspicion on where this were heading. “Cut to the case Jo.” He swallowed hard, listening to everything coming over the line.

“This time, it’s a true story… I flipped mindlessly through the pages till your face popped up.”

Dean could hear the way Jo was stepping lightly around the subject just in the way her voice became the tiniest bit smaller. “Shit! It’s out there then? For everybody to see?”

“I’m afraid so… They got this, like, full page picture of you guys kissing in a bathroom and all this personal information, it has to be somebody who knew you both that leaked it.”

“Bathroom? That was before we even got together. I was drunk for Christ sake! Shit…”

“What?”

“I thought I heard the door open and close behind me, someone freaking took a picture and saved it! And I’ll bet my soul that person is the devil himself. Luci knew about me and Cas and he and the band ain’t exactly best pals anymore. Shit, Cas is gonna freak out! Jo, I have to go but I promise I will give an update later, okay?” He hung up before he got an answer and he immediately saw five missed calls from Cas. Shit. He pressed his name and waited for Cas to pick up.

SS-------II-------SS

Cas was literally yelling at Balth when his phone rang. It was Dean, finally! He had woken up to him and Dean all over the Internet, the story was spreading fast and there was no doubt it had reached his father. To say he was freaking out would be an understatement, that’s why he was yelling at Balth, he hadn’t done anything to deserve it, but right now he served as Cas’ verbal punching bag. He held out a hand as to shush Balth, even though he wasn’t saying anything.

“Dean! Why were you not answering your phone?”

“I was speaking to Jo, she told me…”

Dean sounded so sad, he didn’t have to be sad, yet. Cas would figure something out, he could handle this situation, make up some story… anything.

“So you know. Don’t worry, Dean, I will handle this!”

“Yeah, it’s everywhere apparently. Wait, what do you mean handle it?”

“It’s probably already reached my dad and all I have to do is convince him it’s Photoshop or a manip or something and he’ll help us with the press and make the story disappear. And then I’m gonna kill Luci personally.” Cas gritted Luci’s name through his teeth, just his name made him bloodthirsty.

“I’m in on the killing Luci stuff, but Cas that picture ain’t Photoshop it’s real. Maybe this is your chance to tell the world you’re bi and that you have a boyfriend, it would be so much better and you would finally be able to feel free to be who you are.”

“Better for me or better for you?”

“Cas, you know that’s not what I…”

“You’re not famous! Without sounding arrogant, but the whole world knows who I am, and this is the sort of stuff that would ruin me, my reputation and what about the band? You don’t know what it’s like to be me! My dad is gonna flip and I’m gonna have to listen and just take it.” Cas was getting frustrated and feeling the slightest bit angry now, Dean just didn’t understand what it was like to be in his shoes.

“A lot of famous people are gay, Cas. They won’t look at you any different. Okay, maybe some of the homophobes out there won’t be pleased, but I assure you the other guys won’t mind, they’re all pretty open-minded. And I do know what it’s like to have a homophobic dad…”

“I can’t, Dean, not yet.”

“If you can’t now, when the story is already out there and all you have to do is confirm it, then when can you?”

Why was Dean doing this to him? He wasn’t ready to do this, why didn’t he understand?

“Dean, I love you…”

“That may be true, but those words mean nothing to me if you’re too ashamed of me to tell the world the truth.”

“Dean…”

“No, Cas listen, I’m gonna make this real easy for you. You don’t have to lie to the world about us anymore, because there won’t be anything to lie about. Say what you have to say, I promise you my mouth is shut tight. Bye, Cas.”

“Dean, wait!” He didn’t know how to save this. “I’ll send some papers you have to sign, so I have your silence on paper.” Really Cas? Douche move.

“Sure.”

And then the line went dead. That was it then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to comment and stuff :) I love getting feedback.


	9. Just a Poor Orphan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >> “Dean, come on!” She yelled after him. 
> 
> “Leave me the fuck alone!” He shouted before shutting his door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again the chapters are getting shorter as i near the end, I suspect the last will be shorter than this one... We'll see ^_^ I love all the responses I get and it's what drives me to finish this story before moving on to the next, so thank you so much! :D

“We broke up.” 

“You did what?!”

Dean had called Jo again as soon as he had hung up on Cas. “I couldn’t be his little secret anymore, it hurt too much to always be kept in the shadows. He wanted to lie about us to his father, again. I can’t be with someone who, and this might sound selfish, but I can’t be with someone who isn’t eager to show me off to the world.”

“Stay where you are! I’m grabbing the biggest bucket of double chocolate caramel fudge ice-cream I can find, Kleenex, and every romantic comedy I own and then I’m picking up Charlie on my way there, see you in twenty!”

Then she hung up. The silence of the room hit Dean, suddenly he felt so empty, like a big gaping hole. The seriousness of the situation became clear to him; he had just broken up with his dream guy. The first tear hit the back of hand before he even realized he was crying. The tears flowed silently from there; it was like they wouldn’t stop. Time stood still, every thought left him. He had been silently crying for twenty minutes without really noticing time going by until the doorbell rang. As soon as he had the door open he had two girls slung around his neck and dragging him with them to the living room. Charlie left them for a minute and Dean could hear her open up the drawer in the kitchen, probably getting three spoons for the big bucket Jo was currently trying to get open.

They all sat on the couch, Dean in the middle, and as soon as they asked how he felt the tears started flowing again. This time it wasn’t silent, it was quite the opposite, and loud sobs filled the room.

SS-------II-------SS

“We broke up…”

“You did what?!” Balth’s head snapped right back to the guy that had been screaming at him just minutes before. The conversation between Dean and Cas hadn’t sounded good from this end, but he never saw that one coming.

“He broke up with me.” It was those five words that kept repeating themselves in his head. He felt rage bubble beneath his ribcage, “He just doesn’t get why I have to keep this a secret! He’s so ignorant!” He gritted it out through his teeth, he suddenly felt so angry, betrayed.

“I don’t get why it has to be a secret either,” Balth stated truthfully. Clearly infuriating Cas further if his eyes were anything to go by.

“I can’t do that to the band, the other guys won’t forgive me for ruining our reputation.” Cas tried to explain more calmly, yelling didn’t help anything right now.

“You’re so stupid sometimes, Cas.” Balth left the room without saying anything further, leaving Cas alone in the kitchen.

“I’m stupid?!” He yelled at an empty room. “I seem to be the only one actually caring about this band right now! I lost the first person I’ve ever really loved!” Tears welled up in his eyes. “And I’m sure he truly loved me too and I sacrificed it all…” He slowly slid down the cabinet he was leaning against and as he hit the floor, the tears ran freely down his cheeks. Was he really stupid? Was he a coward? He had lost one of the best things that had ever happened to him. Tiny sobs pressed their way through his entire body, shaking his core, and making more tears fall on his knees that were tucked securely against his chest.

At some point, he had had enough of sitting alone on the cold tile floor crying and, therefore, ran up to his room. He felt the anger surface again and he pushed at the thing closest to him. The lamp smashed to the floor, the porcelain part shattering into pieces, disappearing in his rug. He curled in on himself on the floor and cried hysterically until anger hit him again. By the time he collapsed on the couch of shear exhaustion, he couldn’t sleep in the bed since he could still remember how it felt to sleep in that bed with Dean tucked against him, books, broken lamps and other things were scattered on the floor.

Castiel was awakened by his phone buzzing, signaling that he had gotten a text.

**Dad**

_08:11_

Rizzo’s, lunch at 1200 hours.

Cas had expected that text, but it didn’t make him feel any less scared. He had to get up, get something to eat, take a shower and get dressed. Or maybe he could just ignore his dad, or the whole world for that matter, and dig a big hole and just live there. Yeah, the big hole in the ground idea didn’t sound so bad.

Castiel handed over his keys to the valet, already five minutes late. Shit, his dad was probably not happy before hand, and this didn’t make it any better, but Cas had driven around the block a few times before he felt that he had collected enough courage to get this talk with his dad over with. Dean was just a friend, the picture was Photoshop. Dean… What was he doing at this exact moment? Who got to sit there and look at his green eyes and cute freckles all day? He shook his head, he had to get his head on straight, he couldn’t afford to tell his dad anything stupid like ‘hey dad I’m your gay son and me and my boyfriend, whom I love, are all over the internet’. Yeah, not going to happen.

“You’re late,” his father said simply when Cas sat down opposite him at the table, once again. It was getting tiring, what with this constant perfect placing of their table at a private corner, but by a window. His dad didn’t say anything before their food had been ordered and arrived, it was thirty killing minutes and he drank maybe four liters of water, or so it seemed.

“So…” His dad started as he cut into his steak, but Cas interrupted him.

“Dad, I can explain this, Dean is just a friend. He’s really cool and we’ve hung out a lot, not only just the two of us all the time. We’ve hung out with the entire band and Balth really likes him too, but in a non-romantic way. I don’t know how they photo shopped that picture, but I gotta say they’re getting good, it looks so real, right? And actually Dean and me had a falling out so it looks like we’re not, uhm… friends anymore. So-so nothing to worry about.” Cas said, maybe a bit to quick, but his heart was racing insanely fast and his mouth seemed to just follow the rhythm.

“I thought I taught you not to interrupt.” His dad looked angry for a second. Then he pushed a piece of paper across the table. “I know all there is to know about this Dean Winchester. At the press conference at the end of this week you will have memorized everything, every single word, on this paper and when the question about Dean pops up, and it’s sure to come, you will say these exact words. Understood?” His dad commanded coldly before turning back to his meal. Cas nodded tentatively and just stared at his dad for a while before turning his attention to his own food. He would look over the paper later that day.

SS-------II-------SS

“Dean, you have to get out of bed some time and now is as good a time as any.” Sam said as he pulled up the blinds blocking out the sunlight. Dean just pulled his blanket over his head, but the darkness lasted for two seconds before Sam pulled it away and threw it out of the now open window that was letting in fresh air.

“Dude! What did you do that for?” Dean got up and walked to the window to look down at the blanket lying on the grass. Bobby was looking at him from the corner of the salvage yard closest to the house; Dean gave a little wave before turning back to Sam. The look he gave was meant to kill, but he had red rims around his eyes from crying and loss of sleep.

“You really have to take a shower, you stink like you’ve been dead for three years.” He threw a clean set of clothes at him, Dean just barely catching it. “Put on those clean garments and meet me downstairs in fifteen minutes.”

Sam was almost out the door when Dean’s brain started working, “Wait, why?”

“Just do it, jerk.” He heard him skipping down the stairs before he went into the bathroom across the hall. By the time he was clean and dressed and went downstairs, bacon and French toast was waiting for him on the table, Sam was in the middle of pouring milk on his own healthy concrete-ish cereal.

“You made me breakfast. But it isn’t my birthday.” Dean looked confused at his plate before sitting down in front of it. “Did somebody die?” He looked directly at Sam in shock.

“No one has to die for me to make breakfast for my big brother,” when Dean squeezed his eyes half shut, drew his eyebrows together, and wrinkled his forehead in suspicion Sam had to elaborate. “We are going on a forget-Cas-go-to-the-carnival-with-your-friends-fun-day. There’s this tiny mobile-carnival and fair thing just outside town and we’re picking up Jess on the way, Jo and Charlie are meeting us there and we. Are. Going. To. Have. Fun.” He punctuated every word making sure Dean got the forget-about-Cas part.

“I’m sorry, Sam, but I’m not really in the mood for that. Thanks for trying, and thanks for breakfast.” Dean stood and put his empty plate in the sink, moving towards the stairs. Before he even took the first step Sam grabbed his arm around the wrist to stop him from going any further.

“Dean you don’t really have a choice, if you don’t go freely I will call Charlie and Jo and they will strap you down and take you with them.” Sam looked almost threatening, those puppy eyes changing into a Rottweiler or something. Dean didn’t say anything, he just went and grabbed his jacket off the rack and waited by the door, juggling his car keys until Sam had put away his bowl and grabbed his own coat.

The way there wasn’t long. It was a big, empty, sandy field just outside the city. A few rides had been set up; bumper cars, rotating cups, a Ferris wheel, an arm that flung you high into the skies, a few others, and some kiddy rides. There were stands with people selling stuff like candy, popcorn, snow cones, cotton candy and booths were you could win stuff by shooting or smashing plates and tipping over cans. You could hear people screaming, talking, and laughing from the parking lot where they stood, leaned against Baby as they waited for the others. Jess and Sam were talking about something, but Dean had blocked them out and just enjoyed the sun warming his face.

Before long Jo and Charlie had parked not far from where they were, they walked over to Dean, and took one of his hands each then they all went to the entrance. They paid to get in, but after that they also had free reign. Sam and Jess wanted to go up in the Ferris wheel so they ran along. The girls both pulled at Dean, wanting to go there too, but Dean stood nailed to the ground.

“I ain’t going up there! I’m afraid of planes and they’re freaking metal tubes that… Thing is made of like… I don’t know… Of those pipe cleaner thingies, but you guys go ahead, I’ll be down here, alive.”

“We won’t go then, this day is supposed to be for you.” Charlie said as she moved to stand beside him again.

“It may be for me, but that doesn’t mean I’m not okay with you guys having fun instead of being stuck down here with me, that would just make me feel boring and in the way. Besides, I saw a place where you get to shoot shotguns, so I’ll just go empty that booth for my favorite girls.” Dean smiled. He put a hand on the small of their backs and pushed them gently forward as he himself took a few steps backward. “I hope you like teddy bears!” Dean shouted at them playfully before he turned around and walked away.

By the time the four joined Dean on the ground again, Dean had his arms full of teddies and different toys. The guy in the booth behind him didn’t look too happy, but Dean looked more than proud. He didn’t share that he had imagined Cas’ head on every target or that that fact had actually made him sad just thinking about Cas and his stupid, unruly, black, messy hair and piercing blue eyes. He just smiled and handed the bears and other stuffed toys to the three girls.

“You see, Jess, I’m a real man, I can shoot and therefore provide, that lost puppy you’re dating is only good for shampoo commercials.” He winked flirtingly at her and Sam punched him in the shoulder.

Next they went over to the bumper cars.

“See, this is my type of fun.” Dean smiled. “I get to give you all whiplash.” He smirked evilly and ran to the end of the line, the others right behind him. It was fun indeed and Dean was brutal, he always was when it came to the little, bright colored cars, but this time he had extra stuff fueling him. Afterward, Dean was laughing hard at Sam, who was holding a hand on his neck, he had actually been hit pretty hard and pretty perfect by Dean. The forget-about-Cas part was beginning to work and while they ate ice cream and talked he disappeared from Dean’s mind. The others made fun of Dean for getting rainbow colored sprinkles on his ice cream, but that only earned a smear of ice on their noses.

Somehow, they actually got Dean talked into going up in the squid thing. They were fastened in these rows of seats that were four and four, sitting back to back. They were lifted from the ground and the thing started spinning faster and faster. Then each of the arms started going up and down and the seats also moved them upside down before turning around again. There was so much movement and Dean got so dizzy he almost thought he was going to throw up. He certainly regretted eating ice cream just before this ride. The rest of the day he refused trying any more rides that spun or anything wilder than the spooky house and the funhouse. He still had fun though, winning more prizes and emptying booth after booth.

At about six they were busted, everybody tired and happy. They went to a little food corner and ate hamburgers and fries; afterward Dean drove home in the Impala, the girls driving right behind him. Sam and Jess had stayed to see the fireworks later that night and were waiting for it to get dark so all the rides would light up, Jess’ mom was going to pick them up later so Dean didn’t have to worry.

Coming through the front door Dean dropped all the prizes on the little table by the door.

“My bladder is bursting!” Jo yelled as she ran toward the toilet. Charlie laughed at her and went to the kitchen, saying something about making popcorn and for Dean to go find a movie.

Dean turned on the TV, remembering something about the first Harry Potter starting in fifteen minutes or so. He found the channel, but news was still on, not real news though, it was those gossip news shows. Dean didn’t think much about it and put the remote down on the coffee table. He turned around to join Charlie in the kitchen, but stopped dead in his tracks when he heard the announcer say:

“Earlier today The Angels held their press conference on the release of their new album, it was to no ones surprise when Cas Novak was asked about the recent rumor of him being gay. This is what he said earlier today:”

He turned around, seeing the clip from earlier popping up on the screen. Dean had had a wonderful day and the warm feeling from being surrounded by people he loved was still flowing through his veins and he knew that he should probably turn off the TV. Today was supposed to be about forgetting Cas, but curiosity made him sit down on the couch and watch. When the picture focused on Cas his heart stopped beating and his blood froze in every vein. He looked tired, but he was still just as beautiful. Cas started speaking to the journalist, but it sounded a bit rehearsed.

“Recently, a picture of me kissing another boy turned up in every magazine and on every website worldwide and I would like to address this rumor. This is untrue, let me elaborate. Back in January I coincidentally met a drunk Dean Winchester, as he had no way of coming home I helped him, like I think any of you would. He then turned up at one of the concerts and I invited him to meet the band. Here’s what you should understand about Dean, he is a poor boy, his mom died when he was little, his dad was not there, he raised his little brother by himself and he currently lives at an uncles house because his own dad didn’t want to stay around. I took pity on him and started hanging out with him, wanting the poor guy to have some fun for once.”

It was at this point that Jo and Charlie came into the living room, Charlie with a bowl of popcorn and Jo with some coke and three glasses. When they saw what was on television they put down their stuff on the table. Jo moved to grab the remote, intending to switch to another channel, but Dean stopped her.

“Don’t you freaking dare.” He gritted through his teeth, the girls then just stood awkwardly, not knowing where to look, at Dean or the TV.

“He seemed cool at the beginning, but I soon realized the crush he had on me. It got weirder and weirder as he started to come on to me. This picture was taken while Dean was drunk, which he seemed to be a lot, something I suspect he inherited from his alcoholic dad. He kissed me out of nowhere and I was shocked, stopping him immediately. Unfortunately, someone managed to take a picture. My friendship with Dean Winchester is over and has been for a long time, he is nothing more than a sad, poor, orphaned, teenage, gay boy with a crush on a celebrity he can’t get. I’m dating Hannah again and we are happy. Still, I ask you to leave Dean Winchester alone, the boy has experienced enough bad in his life.”

Dean caught how Cas’ eyes got redder and wetter with unshed tears, but he was in no condition to feel bad for him. He got up from the couch and moved towards the stairs, but Charlie grabbed his wrist.

“Dean…”

“How dare he?! What we had was real and he just… He talks about me like I’m a sad little kid!” Tears were welling up in his eyes, running down his cheeks without permission. “Please, go home or stay and watch a movie, I don’t care, I just want to be alone.” He got out of Charlie’s grasp.

“Dean, come on!” She yelled after him.

“Leave me the fuck alone!” He shouted before shutting his door.

 


	10. My Name is Cas and I'm in Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >>“Dean, I didn’t…” Cas tried to speak, but clearly Dean wasn’t listening at all, he just kept going, saying what he wanted to say. 
> 
> “How could you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the last chapter is here... I have really appreciated all the feedback I've gotten and a special thanks to the ones that have stood by this story from the beginning. I hope you like this chapter, endings are the hardest to write.
> 
> Update: This whole story has now been read through and edited by my fantastic beta sanAnhamirak ^_^

Dean had driven home from school with Sam, who he dropped of at home saying that he wanted to drive around a bit, just him and Baby. Sam had taken his heavy book bag and told Dean not to do anything stupid or reckless. Dean had assured him that he was just going for a ride, but he didn’t know when he would be back.

That’s how Dean ended up driving aimlessly around town. School, for the last two weeks, had been hell; of course everybody had seen what Cas said on TV, the clip was everywhere. Dean was the school’s joke; he was the sad stalker with a celebrity crush and was an alcoholic sixteen year old. They wouldn’t leave him alone in the hallways, he had to have Jo or Charlie with him all the time, which wasn’t something new since they always stuck together, but every time he found himself alone he was called names and shoved into lockers, he felt like Kurt from Glee and it was awful. Some days it got really bad, those days he was the first out of the classroom when the bell rang, running to the bathroom and hiding in a stall until the bell rang for next lesson and then he waited a bit before going to class through hopefully empty halls. It had become a habit for him to come five minutes late.

Then days like this one he felt like just driving, on the road with his baby he felt free. He went onto the highway to get some speed under her wheels. He turned up the radio so he could hear it over the purr of her engine. He had reached LA when the radio person introduced the next song “Fourth of July” which didn’t make much sense to Dean since it wasn’t even summer yet, but what the hell.

The choir started out, “You and I were, you and I were fire. You and I were, you and I were fire. You and I were, you and I were fire, fire, fire.” Then the song started for real and Dean would recognize that voice anywhere. He was just about to change the station, but something made him stop and he withdrew his hand.

“It was the fourth of July. You and I were fire, fire, fireworks that went off too soon. And I miss you in the June gloom, too.” Dean was listening to the lyrics, feeling like the song was directed at him, which was probably foolish, but he couldn’t help it. A single tear ran down his cheek, uninvited and unwelcome tears welling up in his eyes. “I wish I’d known how much you loved me. I wish I cared enough to know. I’m sorry every song’s about you. The torture of small talk with someone you used to love.” Dean parked the car as the chorus played one last time and as Cas sang, “I said I’d never miss you, but I guess you never know. May the bridges I have burned light my way back home, on the fourth of July.” Dean was crying.

“You just listened to ‘Fourth of July’ by The Angels, ever since the release of their last album the band is already busy with new songs, including this one, you can only guess where they get the inspiration from. Theories are being thrown around, and, since this single along with ‘Favorite Record’ hit the streets, all some people are talking about is Dean Winchester.” Dean looked at the radio like he had seen a ghost. “This song is, by many fans, translated into a song about the American dream, the white picket fence and your one true love. The latest love songs, or lost-love songs, make the fans unsure about Cas’ statement at the release of their latest album. Was Cas lying? One thing is for sure, the Internet is booming with CasDean fan fiction.” Lying? Could Cas have been lying? It did look rehearsed, but Cas would never do that to him. His dad would though. He needed a drink. He reached into the glove department and fished out the bottle of whiskey he had lying there. Maybe he was taking after his father. He never drove when drunk, he just liked to have the bottle with him. He took a swig and looked out the window, the sun was setting and the sky had gotten a beautiful reddish glow. Where was he?

Dean got out of the car, looking around at the parking lot he was currently at, it seemed familiar. It was a park, but not many people were around. A big green sign of to his left read “Griffith Park.” Dean remembered this place; Cas and him drove here on Cas’ motorcycle, that beautiful old one. With the bottle in hand Dean followed the path Cas had led him on that day. Drinking publicly like this wasn’t something Dean usually did, but nobody was around so, to be frank, he didn’t give a fuck. By the time he reached the fence he was beginning to feel the effects, clambering over he fell right on his ass on the other side. He got up and dusted gravel of his pants, took a large swig, and went on.

He got to the lake and with some difficulty and climbed on top of the big stone by the lake. It was slowly getting dark and this part of the park apparently didn’t have any lamp posts, but the moon was rising and it was close to full and that together with the white reflecting of the surface of the water was light enough.

The bottle had been half full when he started, and by now it was near empty. The air was cold, but the alcohol warmed up Dean’s blood. He sat dangling his legs over the edge like last time, leaning slightly back on his hands, it all felt so familiar so, of course, memories of Cas had to sneak their way into his thoughts and he felt tears pressing through so he took another big swig of the bottle.

SS-------II-------SS

Cas had gone out to his special place every night for the past week or two, it seemed to be the only place he could clear his head. Every day went by in a blur, practice, recording, concerts, fans, parties, but every night out here he could see things more clear. He had made it a habit of bringing a notepad and strapping his acoustic guitar to his back because, apparently, ideas kept hitting him and he spit out song after song. Two had already hit the top ten and Dean seemed to be his inspiration.

So tonight he headed out there just like every night. He climbed over the fence with ease, having practiced doing that with a guitar on his back to perfection. It was dark, but his eyes had gotten used to it and he could see what he needed to but right now what he saw couldn’t be right. It had to be a tree casting some sort of shadow or maybe he had started seeing things, darkness was the best circumstances for your mind to play tricks, making you see things that weren’t there. He took quiet steps, making sure not to make a sound, if what he saw was real then… Then he actually didn’t know what he would or should do.

Even if it was just a hallucination, he was beautiful, the moonlight making it look like he was straight out of a black and white movie. He sat on the rock, still as a statue. Cas just looked at him, looking for anything to make him real. Then he took a bottle to his lips, an almost empty bottle. Shit. Cas walked slowly closer, standing not far from the stone he saw the tears streaming down his cheeks glinting like silver drops in the moonlight.

Before he could shut himself up it flew out of him, “Dean?” He sounded insecure, unsure and so, so small.

Yep, he was real. His head whipped and he stared right at Cas, squinting like he didn’t believe what he saw. Then he looked at the bottle as if it had offended him and threw it into the lake before going back to sitting like he was before.

“Dean, what are you doing here?”

He looked at him again before sliding down from the stone, still leaning slightly against it. He was clearly drunk. “Wai- you’re real?” His words slurred a bit.

“Yeah, you’ve been drinking.” It wasn’t a question. Dean looked at him and Cas didn’t like the way he was smiling at him.

“Of course. Daddy’s boy, right?” Dean took a few unsure steps towards Cas.

“Dean, I didn’t…” Cas tried to speak, but clearly Dean wasn’t listening at all, he just kept going, saying what he wanted to say.

“How could you? Y’know what school is like? I’m the joke! A big, fat, drunk, sad joke and you just make songs and make money while I take the crap!” Dean got closer and closer, pointing at Cas and when he got close enough started poking him in the chest with his index finger. His words got clearer, angrier.

“You made me think for a second that you really loved me and then you go pull that shit, say those things, and maybe you’re right, maybe I’m just this sad little boy, you were clearly right about my drinking.” He gestured at himself and his drunken state. “But you had NO RIGHT!” He was angry, but Cas saw the tears still running down his cheeks. “Before this, yes I was the gay kid, but I was left alone. Now, I’m the joke. You get that Cas? I get shoved into lockers, I get harassed, I get yelled at. One day I was cornered and they forced me to make out with a picture of you, while they filmed it! And I can’t say anything cuz’ my hands are tied by you and your stupid silent paper thingy. I sure hope you’re happy now.” He started walking away, towards the fence, going back to his car.

“Dean!” Cas called out. Dean stopped and turned towards him for a second.

“Go back to papa and your cute little girlfriend.” Cas felt the venom in his voice and it sure did sting. Then Dean was gone. Shit! Cas started running in the direction Dean had gone. Maybe they weren’t the best of friends, but Cas was sure as hell not letting Dean drive in that condition. The Impala was still parked, but there was no Dean to be seen behind the wheel and there was no one around. Cas walked up to the car peeking through the windows, there was Dean, passed out in the back seat. Cas was just about to knock on the glass and drive Dean home or something, but he thought better of it. As long as Dean was asleep he at least wasn’t driving.

Cas went straight into the kitchen when he came home, placing his guitar carefully against the breakfast bar. He sat down on one of the stools, folding his arms on the counter and placing his head on top. Balth closed the refrigerator and started making a sandwich.

“You want a PB&J?” Of course that was what Balth was making, he was just as unhealthy as Gabe. Cas shook his head. “You wanna talk about it?” Then Cas looked up.

“How?” It was the only word he could think of.

“You got that look. If it was something about your dad, you would be yelling, if it was one of the boys, you would walk around whispering to yourself, but that look, a mixture of pain and affection, that can only mean you somehow ran into Dean.” When Cas raised one eyebrow at him he said, “I live with you dumbass, I know you better than most do.” There was silence between them.

“Remember when we broke up?” Balth simply nodded and hopped up on the counter, his swinging legs drumming on the cupboard doors. “You said I was stupid. What exactly did you mean about that?” He looked up at Balth from where he had been staring at the tabletop.

“I meant what I said, sometimes you’re just plain stupid.” Balth grinned at him, but it wasn’t the answer Cas wanted.

“Gee thanks that helped a lot. Care to elaborate a bit?” Balth put down his sandwich.

“Okay. But then you’ll have to listen.” Cas opened his mouth, but Balth stopped him. “And be quiet. First, you’re stupid because you keep listening to and obeying orders from your dad even though it all seems to make your life worse. I’ve never seen you really, truly, in love like you were with Dean and he told you to throw it all away and you listened,” Cas was just about to say something again. “Ah ah ah, I told you to shut up! Second, you’re so far back in the closet you’ve found Narnia and you keep using us as an excuse. You keep saying you can’t do that to the band, but you never once actually asked what we thought. I talked to the guys, and I know I maybe shouldn’t have behind your back, but not one of them cared that you’re gay, or bi. Bottom line is that we don’t think less of you and neither will the fans. Again, I don’t think you’re actually worried what we would say, I think it’s all about what big daddy would say. Third, and last, you’re so stupid because you don’t listen to yourself. You’ve walked around here feeling sorry for yourself, crying over Dean, and not once did you think about doing anything about it.”

Balth was slowly raising his voice, trying his god damn hardest to knock some sense into Cas’ head through that thick skull of his. “We are the most popular band owned by Heaven Records, your dad needs us, you don’t need him. What you need is to say no. You’re hurting and from the way you looked when you came in, Dean is hurting pretty bad too. Do you want to be the good little soldier for a man who doesn’t think your happiness is important? Fuck him and his opinions, go get that boy back.” Balth was done with his rant and you could almost hear the gears turning in his head.

“Maybe you’re right, but I really fucked up Balth. The things I said on freaking television seem to have really hurt him and I don’t blame him, that was really low. I don’t think he will ever forgive me and there’s no way he will even consider taking me back.”

“You’re so negative sometimes. All you have to do is get a bit creative. I have an idea, but I need your word, that you will go through with this. It will involve going behind your dad’s back and taking the shit with your head held high afterwards. You gotta stand up to your old man and, this is going to sound so stupid, but you gotta fight for love.” Balth looked like even saying that offended him, but he smiled at Cas waiting for an answer.

“Okay, I promise. So what’s this plan of yours?” Cas felt so ready, it was time to redeem himself. He had been an A+ fool and all it had gotten him was a broken heart, and even worse he had broken the heart of someone he loved. All he could hope for now was that Dean had it in him to forgive him, or at least listen and understand.

SS-------II------SS

“Balth, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, you don’t have the right ‘equipment’ so stop trying. Sorry.” Was the first thing Charlie said when she picked up the phone.

“I know and unfortunately I’ve had to accept that, but that’s not what I wanted to talk about. I called on Cas’ behalf.”

“You’ve gotta give me one good reason not to hang up right now. Are you even aware of how bad Dean is? We had to go pick him up at Griffith Park yesterday, drunk.” Charlie’s tone was nothing near friendly. Dean was like a brother and she was quite protective about family.

“Yeah, him and Cas ran into each other but apparently seeing Dean was what it took for Cas to actually listen for once.”

“You’ve got my attention.” Balth told Charlie about the plan and she nodded here and there even though he couldn’t see her.

“So all I really need from you is to get Dean to somehow go to the concert. Can you do that for me princess?”

“I’m at least a queen… but I can do that. Jo and I will figure something out.”

“No way, in freaking hell, is that ever going to happen.” The girl’s had told him they were going out for dinner in LA, but now Dean found himself outside the Staples Center again with a big fucking screen showing that The Angels were playing tonight. “This must be some sick joke.” He was angry- no, he was furious. Why in God’s name had they taken him here?

“Dean, I promise you it will be worth it, please, please, please just come.” Charlie and Jo both folded their hands, praying for him to agree to go in with them.

Dean didn’t know what it was but something in him wanted him to go in there. Even though they had broken up Dean did still like their music and maybe, just maybe, a tiny piece of him wanted to see Cas again. Dean couldn’t remember much, but he could remember yelling at Cas that evening in the park.

“It better be worth it or else I’m going home. I think I still have some of that ice-cream in the freezer and after tonight I think I might need it.” Dean put his hands in the ones the girls had stretched towards him.

“I promise you, sweetie, it will be worth it. Hopefully” She whispered the last part, hoping he didn’t hear. “And Charlie made sure we got places in the pit.” They walked hand in hand, pushing through the flocks of fans fighting to get through the doors.

They had been standing in the back of the pit amongst screaming and pushing fans, waiting for twenty minutes, and Dean was already getting tired, really second guessing his decision of coming in here with the girls. The place was buzzing, people talking, cheering, laughing, but it was all silenced when Mike came on strumming an electric guitar, Balth quickly joining in on the drums. Gabe was already standing on one side of the stage and not long after Cas joined them. He was as beautiful as ever, Dean couldn’t help but notice. He had dark blue skinny jeans on, made to look worn and ripped, big black combat boots, he had a long black leather trench coat on, flowing behind him as he ran towards the microphone, it had flat rivets and safety pins on it and it looked badass. The kicker was the missing shirt underneath, toned muscles visible for everybody. Cas, that fucker, knew he couldn’t resist that sexy chest of his. He had to stop thinking like this. It was some song from their new album, but Dean wasn’t really listening.

“So what did you plan? Is a big bucket of green goo gonna fall over him or what?” He had to yell a bit to be heard over the music and the crowd. The girls looked at him quick, shaking their heads as if to say it was a secret.

Dean tried to just enjoy the music, he really did, but Cas was starting to sweat a bit and Dean felt hot under his collar. He needed to get out of here, and quick. The song ended and the next one picked up immediately and Dean stopped turning back around. He had heard about this song, the radio lady had mentioned it after that Fourth of July one had played. So Dean listened. The verse sounded like a memory or a dream, Dean didn’t really know, but then the chorus came.

“You were the song stuck in my head, every song that I’ve ever loved. Played again and again and again. And you can get what you want but it’s never enough. And I spin for you like your favorite records used to and I spin for you like your favorite records used to.”

Then it hit Dean, Cas had talked about this one time. He had dreamt about him and Dean driving in the Impala through a pine forest, windows down, Rancid blaring through the speakers, and they had sung along and laughed and it had seemed like such a nice dream. The chorus came around again and Dean felt his heart swell. People maybe assumed and guessed what Cas’ songs were about, but Dean knew. He was singing to Dean. He was singing about them and nobody else really knew. Dean was feeling angry, happy, and sad all at the same time. When he felt the first tear he turned to leave, Charlie tried to stop him, but he pulled loose and pushed through the masses. He couldn’t be here. He was halfway through the crowd when the song ended and Cas spoke to the audience.

It was then that Charlie caught up to him, “You really wanna hear this.” He let himself be pulled towards the stage again.

“So, I’m gonna take a little break from singing here,” the crowd made a collective sound of disappointment, but it wasn’t angry. “I know you came here to hear us play, but I have something really important I need to take care of before we go on with the show, okay? I need all of you with cameras and phones to fish them out from your pockets and film this. I want you to put this on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, YouTube, everything you can think of. When I get home tonight I want this to be all over the Internet for everybody to see.” Everybody picked up their phones and directed their cameras at the stage.

“Some may have heard people saying the song that I just sang, along with a few others, are about a certain person.” He had Dean’s full attention by now. “That’s a rumor I can confirm is true.” People started to whisper amongst each other. “As Gabe would put it, I’ve been a great big back of dicks. Take my advice here everybody, all your life you’re taught to do as your parents say, but there will come a time when you’ll have to stand up tell them no and make your own decisions. I didn’t learn that until recently. I always did as my father told me and when he told me to hurt the person I love, I listened and obeyed and I lost the best thing I had ever been lucky enough to have. I lied to all of you. I told you about a sad little boy stalking me.” That stung just a little bit, remembering what Cas had said about him that time.

“That boy didn’t stalk me. I basically stalked him to be honest.” Cas laughed nervously. “I would like to introduce myself to you, introduce the real me.” More phones seemed to appear in the crowd. “Hi, my name is Castiel James Novak and I’m in love,” he paused, “with a boy, I’m in love with Dean Winchester and I hurt him. I really hurt him because I was stupid and apparently incapable of thinking for myself. It took a little talk with Balthy there to make me realize just how stupid I really was and I apologize. From the bottom of my heart, I’m so sorry Dean.” Dean noticed the water in Cas’ eyes. “I don’t expect forgiveness, I don’t expect you to fully understand, I just hope you listen and that you’re still down there in the crowd.” People started looking around and Dean felt himself nailed to the floor unable to move or even breathe.

Charlie pushed him with force towards the very front of the stage. Cas looked down at him and everybody followed his line of sight, Dean had never had that many people look at him before.

“Dean…” They made eye contact and once again blue melted together with green. Cas pulled the microphone from its stand and jumped of the stage, some fans went wild, but most kept quiet. “I was a fool, I didn’t want to come out. I said it was about my dad and the band, but really it was about me being a chicken shit. I didn’t realize what I had before I lost it and I have never felt heartbreak like that and I can’t even imagine how you felt and I’m so, so sorry. Dean I-” He was stopped midsentence by Dean’s hand on his coat pulling him against him.

“I’m not saying I forgive you, boy knows you gotta work for that, and I have a few things in mind.” He smirked evilly, not missing the way Cas’ adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed nervously. “I just want to shut you up because I think your fans want music and if you’re really serious about this I don’t think there’s a better way to come out of that closet than this.” Dean pulled him up against the fence and kissed Cas breathless, soft lips feeling like they finally found their home again. They kept it PG13 and parted quickly.

They stared at each other and the world faded away, the cheering of the crowd nowhere to be found in the space that they shared. Everything, except the other, turned grey and it lasted all of twelve seconds, yes, Dean counted, before Cas had to pull himself away and ran back on stage.

“Well the show must go on, so this ones for you, Dean.” The opening chords of Fourth of July played.

Dean couldn’t help but smile stupidly, Cas had still hurt him pretty bad, but it was obvious he wanted to redeem himself and Dean was willing to let him try. Especially if that meant he could get him to do a few things for him, like for example, put on the pink lace panties Dean had once bought for himself to wear, but if Cas actually put them on then he would know for sure if he was truly serious. This was going to get fun.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I will look through every chapter, spell checking and all that. When that's done I'm going to be ready with the first chapter of Sweet Home Alabama, Forrest Gump-Destiel AU :)
> 
> Update: I have now read through the story and corrected all the errors i could find, if something catches your eyes please tell :)
> 
> Update: This whole story has now been read through and edited by my fantastic beta sanAnhamirak ^_^


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